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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Crap Which Is the Worst R.E.M. Song?

Posted by Grant Brissey on Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 8:43 AM

Really, aside from some of the songs off that first record, what the fuck has R.E.M. contributed to society FOREVER? Monster has to be the most-frequently-encountered record in CD-clearance-bin history EVER (I'm keeping my Christmas-present edition.), and Michael Stipe and Co. really ruined a bunch of my MTV adolescence with that god damned "Losing My Religion" video. Also, there is "Stand," and "Everybody Hurts."

UPDATE: "SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE" (h/t: Cosby)

Links after the jump in case you need a refresher.

Thusly, I ask you:

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I voted for 'Everybody Hurts', but the true answer is 'Shiny Happy People'.

Posted by cosby

on March 31, 2011 at 8:51 AM

Ahhh! I must have blocked it out of my memory. Option added posthaste.

Posted by Grant Brissey, Emeritus

on March 31, 2011 at 9:06 AM

I try to block it out of my memory, but that suppressed music memory part of my brain is full. I think 2/3rds of it is allotted to the Spin Doctors.

Posted by cosby

on March 31, 2011 at 9:19 AM

hey now, REM was pretty great in their IRS years. and even those first few albums on Warner Bros were pretty decent if you overlooked the singles.

i voted for "Shiny Happy People", but would've gone with "Radio Song", given the option.

Posted by Brian Cook

on March 31, 2011 at 9:19 AM

Oh great, now I have "Stand" stuck in my head. Help!

Posted by flippingthroughrecords on March 31, 2011 at 9:22 AM

Shiny Happy People sounds like it was written for retarded people by retarded people. Ooops...did I say retarded? Yes! I guess I did! For shame! I'm so bad! Teehee.

Posted by Vince on March 31, 2011 at 9:28 AM

Orange Crush. But the real answer is feggoff, R.E.M. are amazing.

Posted by pheedthemonkey on March 31, 2011 at 9:29 AM

No, really, Losing My Religion is THE WORST EVER, at least up to that point. That's when I stopped listening to REM. Stand, on the other hand, (haha), is absolutely PERFECT for replacing ANY song that's stuck in your head. And there are much, much worse songs that need replacing -- even if you have to use Stand to do it. It works!! I've used this trick for years.

Posted by laurax on March 31, 2011 at 9:35 AM

Losing My Religion was important in bringing the concept of the mandolin to everyone in the early 90s.

Posted by pointy on March 31, 2011 at 9:41 AM

All of them! Every damn song they ever recorded.

Posted by gttim on March 31, 2011 at 9:45 AM

pointy@9: yes, and reminding them all why they'd never missed it.

Posted by Doctor Memory

on March 31, 2011 at 9:49 AM

I just finished listening to Reckoning this morning. Weird. Cosby for the win" Shiny Happy People" is terrible.

Posted by Summerisle

on March 31, 2011 at 9:51 AM

Grant, you forgot 'Radio Song". Easily the worst REM song.

Posted by tallchris

on March 31, 2011 at 9:51 AM

@8 - If you ever tire of Stand, try Feliz Navidad.

It's in your head now isnt it!

Posted by longball on March 31, 2011 at 9:52 AM

WHAT WHAAAT? Shiny Happy People is the BEST R.E.M. song!!! Kate Pierson, people!!!!

Posted by More, I Say! on March 31, 2011 at 9:52 AM

10 Even "It's the End of the World"? I'd have thought even the biggest R.E.M. haters would like that one.

Posted by shw3nn on March 31, 2011 at 9:53 AM

You people are harsh.

Posted by bernie on March 31, 2011 at 9:54 AM

@14, indeed....
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/03110…

Posted by More, I Say! on March 31, 2011 at 9:55 AM

You mean "Which is the worst R.E.M. *hit* song", because there is far worse dreck on Up, Reveal, Around the Sun. Really, whenever I need to describe anything that is good but not great because it lacks a key ingredient, all I have to say is "It's like R.E.M. without Bill Berry."

Posted by WFM on March 31, 2011 at 9:55 AM

"Stand" gets a pass because it was used in the credits for "Get A Life" thereby making it awesome.

Posted by vinylsaurus

on March 31, 2011 at 10:00 AM

Although... the "Shiny Happy People" video is priceless, because the disgusted scowl on Peter Buck's stubbled face is one of the greatest things ever recorded.

Posted by WFM on March 31, 2011 at 10:01 AM

@20: Yay, you must have been the other person who watched that show along with myself.

The weakness in "Everybody Hurts" is being overused like versions of "Hallelujah" by L. Cohen for mopey TV scenes.

Posted by hominidX on March 31, 2011 at 10:06 AM

Obviously this is a "worst R.E.M. songs I hear on the radio" poll, as the worst song is actually Airportman, the first song on Up, which sounds like someone dropping empty coke bottles throughout a classic Star Trek episode.

Posted by Banna

on March 31, 2011 at 10:19 AM

God, I hate Stand. Thanks a crap-ton for reminding me about it.

Posted by Mr. Happy Sunshine on March 31, 2011 at 10:24 AM

@20 + 22:
I only think of "Get A Life" when I hear 'Stand', thankfully.

Posted by cosby

on March 31, 2011 at 10:29 AM

@16, that's the only one I hate. Dreadful stuff. I always conflate it in my mind with Timbuk 3's "The Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)", from the same time, which is even worse.

"Shiny Happy People" is a great song. "Losing My Religion" is OK too.

Posted by Fnarf

on March 31, 2011 at 10:29 AM

@14, yep, it's there now. Thanka and gracias.

Posted by laurax on March 31, 2011 at 10:30 AM

REM bashers are pretty funny. They're only one of the top two or three most important bands in the history of alternative rock...but whatever.

Also, Shiny Happy People is meant to be IRONIC. You know what irony is, right Mr. Hipster Hipsterman?

Posted by schmacky on March 31, 2011 at 10:40 AM

REM is a kick ass band. Everybody Hurts is not ironic, not catchy, not particularly touching, and not particularly inventive. Maximum suck.

Posted by Niloc Yessirb on March 31, 2011 at 10:46 AM

@26 You mean "better", right? Not "worse". Better.

Posted by shw3nn on March 31, 2011 at 10:48 AM

Also to agree with @28: R.E.M. pre-Bill Berry=awesomesauce. R.E.M. post-Bill Berry=not as good, but still good and better than 95% of what has been put out during their tenure. The best critique came from Sound Opinion's latest review, which basically said "Michael Stipe has run out of things to sing about".

Posted by Banna

on March 31, 2011 at 11:03 AM

All of the above.

Posted by Kyleen on March 31, 2011 at 11:10 AM

Everybody Hurts: My first mental health job some quack AODA counselor had the adolescents write down their "deep pains", then made them sit in silence while she played that horrible song, then she lit their papers on fire....I hid behind a folder trying not to laugh at the cheeseball absurdity and nearly peed my pants

Posted by julie russell

on March 31, 2011 at 11:26 AM

I don't give a shit how "important" they are. I can't think of a single REM song I like. "Stand" is pretty awful but for the life of me I can't remember what it sounds like right now because I have the chorus from "Shiny Happy People" on a constant loop in my head. Even Michael Stipe hates that song.

Posted by blip on March 31, 2011 at 11:40 AM

"It's the End of the World" is a good tune, but I can't get past Michael Stipe calling The Beatles "elevator music" - as Ringo rejoined "if it wasn't for The Beatles, Michael would still be taking the stairs"

Posted by myr on March 31, 2011 at 11:52 AM

Go fuck yourself. Best American band of the 1980s. They've been pretty spotty since New Adventures in Hi-Fi (their last masterpiece), but what 30-year-old band isn't?

But the answer is most definitely "Radio Song."

Posted by Hutch on March 31, 2011 at 12:04 PM

@ 28. Its meant to be ironic? How astute of you.

Posted by No shit sherlock on March 31, 2011 at 12:07 PM

REM was my antidote to the early 80's glam/headbanger/poop-pop shit, but I stopped listening to their new stuff after #5 Document. They DID rock in the early years, and I still find the line "I'd like it here if I could leave and see it from a long ways away" to be a great descriptor of how memory works.

I'd also like to change my vote from Shiny... to Everybody Hurts (UGH)

Posted by I Love IPA on March 31, 2011 at 12:57 PM

I don't care, I love REM. But Drive is ass.

Posted by Prettybetsy on March 31, 2011 at 1:03 PM

Night Swimming.

Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings

on March 31, 2011 at 1:09 PM

@36:
"They've been pretty spotty since New Adventures in Hi-Fi (their last masterpiece), but what 30-year-old band isn't?"

Killing Joke.

Posted by cosby

on March 31, 2011 at 1:26 PM

I had to vote for "Stand," for sentimental reasons.

In one of those lame Greek-Week competitions, the fraternities had to have a musical competition. Because, you know, rushing a fraternity or sorority obviously meant musical talent was present. It was always very amusing.

One year in the early 1990's, one fraternity got up and for one minute, repeated "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" to the Battle Hymn of the Republic. Then they played "Stand."

Though, yes, it should be "Shiny Happy People"

Posted by Chasmosaur on March 31, 2011 at 1:40 PM

Not only is "Radio Song" the worst R.E.M. song by leaps and bounds, it's a contender for worst song of its decade. And that decade included Deadeye Dick's "New Age Girl", in case you forgot.

Posted by danmohr on March 31, 2011 at 1:47 PM

"radio song" and "ignoreland" are tied for worst, but since they weren't on the list i went with "stand."

Posted by mr. herriman on March 31, 2011 at 2:05 PM

@43: Reminding people of Deadeye Dick is just abusive. Goddamnit.

Posted by crackedmachine on March 31, 2011 at 2:11 PM

I enjoy all of those songs, even Shiny Happy People. I remember calling KUBE to request it when Out of Time was first out. I love Up, but I'll subscribe to the Better With Berry way of thinking. Green loses me in the last three songs or so.

Posted by madamecrow on March 31, 2011 at 3:02 PM

Does anyone else get the sense from this post that Grant might not even know any REM prior to "Out of Time" except for that "first record" whose name he can't even remember?

Too busy listening to that musical genius Rick Springfield, maybe.

Posted by virginia mason on March 31, 2011 at 4:08 PM

"Stand" got my vote - if it's not the worst song, it's DEFINITELY the worst video.

Posted by TreGibbs on March 31, 2011 at 4:15 PM

...see, I like all of those songs. I guess I like 'Shiny Happy People' least, but I don't hate it. Their real worst is probably some album track that would never stick in my mind.

Posted by Matthew E on March 31, 2011 at 6:22 PM