A 21-year-old Washington blogger named Lennon Aldort has posted an essay that posits God sent a Holy Trinity of composers—J.S. Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven Schubert—to Earth. The piece involves some strained numerology involving the number 6 and equates Beethoven with the Devil. Aldort also accuses Schoenberg of "destroying music." Wrap your head around that thought for a while.

Here's Aldort's theory, in a nutshell:

God's plan was to send a Holy Trinity of composers that would rival all others, sending each one six years after the death of the former. He waited until music on earth evolved to the point of being worthy of Him, and by 1685 he felt that this had happened, so he sent Bach, the first of the Holy Trinity. The year 1685 is rooted in the sixth century of a millennium, and is eclipsed by the numbers one and five, which make another six. What remains is eight, standing for divine infinity.

Read the whole earnest and flawed thing here and witness the destruction of music in the Schoenberg clip after the cut.