I've been wanting to start a Seattle Beard Watch for awhile now to act as a sort of watchdog, keeping the city appropriately forewarned about upcoming Beardy events. Beard Rock may or may not be limited to: inappropriately formal mens hats, instruments beyond the standard guitar/bass/drums/keyboards, attire more appropriate to "the woodsman" from Little Red Riding Hood, sepia band photos, facial hair styled in a manner that requires product, full tattoo sleeves and suspenders, etc. The chart will range from teenage mustache (TM), to dangerously beardy (DB)

Extremely Scientific Graph Ranges 1(Teenage Musatche)-10(Dangerously Beardy)
  • Extremely Scientific Graph Ranges 1(Teenage Mustache)-10(Dangerously Beardy)

The Doe Bay Festival is kicking off tomorrow, and I thought it'd be a good place to start charting the Beard Watch. I hadn't heard of the festival until this year, and it was described to me as "a Beard Rock festival on an island, you have to take a ferry and are isolated from everyone and phones don't work...Also, the Head and the Heart played several unscheduled rogue sets the year i went so I couldn't get away from them." Well, being isolated on a fucking island with new old-timey bands, unable even to text my friends to complain about them sounded like my own personalized version of hell, but it turns out that description wasn't exactly accurate; there are a bunch of bands that don't fit the beard rock description!! Thee Satisfaction bring down the average considerably, the clothing optional soaking tubs bring it up to more of a hippie vibe than Beard Rockin'. Doe Bay is going onto the chart as "urban goatee" (UG): a high watch beard warning [though much lower than the initial estimate: somewhere between "redwood bartender" (RB) and "Big Lbowski" (BL)]... still, things should be safe for you as long as you stay alert. (Also, check out" this mysterious parody twitter account "Faux Bay," that I assume is made by either the most disgruntled Doe Bay hater or the most good humored Doe Bay employee). Beard on!!
Elements of Beard Rock
  • Elements of Beard Rock