Dear perpetuators of the Recording Industry Association of America,
You represent a dying model. Technology has rendered you irrelevant. Musicians today can achieve worldwide exposure with little more time than it takes to order a cheeseburger and fries. Your A&R man has a real nasty hangover, but he really doesn't want to tell you why he's been getting so shit-faced for the last couple years. Here's the reason: With an internet connection and a hint of ambition, any artist, band, or circus sideshow can achieve the same results you'll charge them thousands, or if they're big enough, millions, for. There's no mystery anymore to what you do, and with little else than a Facebook, Soundcloud, Bandcamp—or, hell—even a (roll over Beethoven) relaunched Myspace account—your next big mover is soon to be your last missed-opportunity. What's more, smaller labels give their people real love, and that idea will give your accountant an ulcer.