Comments

1
yr review provided many lol's, i think you should review their 1981 album DISCIPLINE next.
2
Well you tried. Better luck next time.
3
Somehow your review tells us more about your internal life than the music you were listening to...

You sound like music has to be exactly the way you expect it to be or you have a Nuclear Meltdown... I think that's weirder than the music... :)
4
Asking anyone to listen to this LP to assess 'seminal prog' is asking for disappointment. That said, I would also agree with Schmeng's comments (24 Jan @ 0435) .... please turn your expectation volume down from eleven to between six and eight.

And then, go listen to 'Lizard'
5
Loohoohoohooser!!!!!!!
6
This is AWESOME! Thanks for sharing, Anna. You made my day. Only in the Stranger. I love you guys!

Trey Gunn
Seattle
King Crimson alumnus
7
This is AWESOME! Thanks for sharing, Anna. You made my day. Only in the Stranger. I love you guys!

Trey Gunn
Seattle
King Crimson alumnus
8
Only one thing Miss...

When one wants to *listen to* music, one does not turn on thei MP3 player whilst commuting.

One stays home, cool, calm and collected and *listens*, that is pays attention!

Now, if you cannot grasp Progressive music, fine. There are bazillions of pop bands to choose from.

M A D

A Progressive music lover and a King Crimson fan.

Hello, Mr. Gunn! :D
9
You've maybe even bested the LA Weekly. Their preview of the 1996 show -- "King Crimson: prog-rock pond scum, set to bum you out." !!!
10
People that don't know anything about a subject other than, they like it, or don't, or it's pretty, or ugly should not be reviewing it. It's fine to be that way. Most people are. They like a movie or they don't, they love a painting or they hate it.
But that does not make them qualified reviewers. You might as well say that you read Shakespeare but didn't like all the long sentences and old fashioned words. That is not a review.
11
Hi
From Paris, France

Hard to say better than Trey...Anna is a monument!!!

Perhaps is it better for Anna to to try Any other music except Bieber....Even too hard Perhaps.
You made my Day TOO
;)
Richard Pinhas
12
Hahaha I love K.C., but this review was hilarious and all in good fun. I imagine this is what they sounded like to a lot of people even back in the day.
13
The finest music is often, at first, neither understood, nor enjoyed ; and many times, laughed at or scorned.
14
Ignorance is bliss, right? Always enjoy to hear responses to music, especially from people who do not know music from a technical or applicable nature. The "I will know instantly if I like it or hate it when I hear it" folks. I particularly like the line, "It sounds like the worst elements of the Beatles and Led Zeppelin had an orgy with some weird shit from the '90s and they had a deformed music baby." That fact that KC was able to conjure images that made her reference the 90's is quite interesting. Avant-garde, yes. Before their time for sure. Having a great deal of knowledge about the Court of the Crimson King, Robert Fripp and KC, the review does leave me skeptical about the post though.
15
Anna Minard claims to "know nothing about music."
I believe this claim.
16
Anna,

I feel the same way you do, but about Kanye's music... and much of what else passes for popular art/music these days as well. Your review is refreshingly humorous though, and although you are listening to it and reviewing it in the context of 2013, it really was groundbreaking & highly influential in the context of 1968 when it was released, and for generations of musicians since. Meh - yea I can see how the "cat walking across the piano" will definitely become annoying 7 minutes into a 4 minute song - but remember it was a bunch of 23 year old musicians trying to assimilate and push forward ideas/influences taken from stodgy old farts playing something called "free jazz" (which to me even today sounds like a people playing instruments while simultaneously furiously masturbating with a free hand). In today's context, with all the genre mixing that has happened in the meantime - its not quite as impactful as it was back then.

This one album though started the music careers of Greg Lake, Ian McDonald, Robert Fripp & Peter Sinfield - influencing and impacting music in very surprising ways. Sinfield wrote lyrics for several artists and bands - the most famous being Celine Dion, Cher, Cliff Richard. Robert Fripp played with Peter Gabriel, David Bowie, Brian Eno, David Sylvian... Ian McDonald was a founding member of Foreigner as well as King Crimson, and Greg Lake one third of ELP.

Thanks for the review, loved it despite the vitreol and hate you show for having had someone impose such a challenging listening exercise on you.

Robert Svilpa
Snoqualmie, WA
17
ZOMG, ROTFLMAO. Anna, it's ok to not get music. You are indeed from a different era and it's ok to be challenged by the masters of the past sometimes. Stand up to the challenge, don't be bitter about it. Laws Jesus, it's progressive, someone call the powlice! If KC was hard to chew - try these guys: http://youtu.be/vMrYSTzqFI8

Such were the times that people could actually make a buck playing original music that did not exist before. And its ok to be where we are these days. Just don't fell that because you don't get something it is, ultimately, "a "kids these days" out of 10". Because I bet anything that there's way more than 10 kids out there that get this.
18
That's OK. We've never heard of you weither.
19
I understand the concept: someone who knows nothing about music will review music thereby making others who know nothing about music feel better about themselves. But isn't it sort of like weighing 360 pounds and entering a swimsuit competition just for the edification of others who weigh 360 pounds. Simple solution: just don't go there!
20
Maybe Anna should stick to listening to the kind of music that her feeble mind and attention span can withstand. You know the kind of music that is produced as an afterthought to help promote the “branding” and “celebrity manufacturing” of some unoriginal faceless interchangeable pop star that will have a career of about 15 seconds only to be eventually shunned by the very same mindless drones of fandom that made them “successful”, labeled as passé and forgotten. Rightly so in most cases due to the lack of quality. You can’t manufacture authenticity. You can fake it, but as soon as you do it’s almost guaranteed that it will be stamped with that metaphoric expiration date.

I guess it’s like the difference between having a meal on fine china vs. a paper plate. Some things are made to last and add a certain class and value to an experience while other things are simply massed produced for immediate consumption with the knowledge and forethought that it was meant to be thrown away.

I’m guessing she’s a big fan of paper plates too.

21
Guys, extinguish your blazing chapman stick torches. It's a humor column.
22
Wow. It doesn't sound like you like music at all, but only your narrow band of experience of it. It's possible you may have been ruined forever, which is a shame to have let market forces do it to you. Of course, you don't have to like whatever you want, but the inability to separate a "jazz jam" from an actual worked out piece of music is as disturbing to me as you felt the cover was to you. Kanye West is a terrible hack who couldn't play a note if his life depended on it if it weren't for his producer who is the real one interested in mellotrons and the like. It's an object of it's time, and yet ahead of it's time. So much talent that people actually played and not programmed - even the software that makes it easier to program by hand ends up not being as vibrant because it's a machine playing it. So what? It does what it's been told to do. The magic lay in actual people being able to execute musical patterns. The length of the songs were because people who like music like to experience more of it - to lose themselves in a song and follow along with it like a journey. If music is something that's just on as background material or something to dance to, then it's importance to you cannot be something you care about, if you claim to care for it. These are impositions upon music. Again - you don't HAVE to like it, but you can't really do a review of any worth without recognising where the talent lay in it. That would be like someone who only draws stick figures with crayons, knowing nothing about art at all, and yet trying to review how much the Mona Lisa sucks. If you can't articulate why you don't like it beyond the trite, shallow considerations of largely talentless and uncaring pop music/musicians/djs, then perhaps you shouldn't even write about it until you are more informed or have more experience listening to music as a whole.
23
You are the greatest. Do Henry Cow next.
24
The album you trashed is not from the 90s -- it was released in 1969 and was years ahead of its time. King Crimson is one of my all-time favorite bands. If curious readers would like a sampling of the various incarnations of KC over the past 44 years, try Larks' Tongues, Red, Discipline and Thrak. Trey Gunn, who commented on your post and lives here in Seattle, played on Thrak and several other KC offerings. He is widely regarded as one of the best touch guitarists in the world. Robert Fripp, the only common denominator to all KC configurations, is my all-time favorite guitarist. But, I get it, Anna -- people either love or hate KC. It's not for everyone.
25
Great stuff Anna. I totally disagree with you but can totally understand your reaction. If you're not into Prog, it's the most hilarious and face-meltingly terrifying music genre on the planet, falling somewhere between pretentious guff and ancient, incomprehensible language. I'm a boring old prog fart, but I love your reaction.
26
This is the funniest comment thread of the year, so far.
27
haha you pissed off the music nerds now!
28
HAHA guys, guys, you're LOSING ME HERE. I need you to tell me, WHAT IS IT LIKE?

@19 - "Isn't it sort of like weighing 360 pounds and entering a swimsuit competition"
@ 20 - "It’s like the difference between having a meal on fine china vs. a paper plate."
@ 22- "That would be like someone who only draws stick figures with crayons, knowing nothing about art at all, and yet trying to review how much the Mona Lisa sucks."

Please go on, WHAT ELSE is it like? Are you gonna do the Play Doh versus Statue of David one? Or no, wait, how about finger paints and the Sistine Chapel?? IS IT LIKE SOMEONE WHO LIKES HOT DOGS EATING A STEAK??

Anna is brilliant, y'all are tired.
29
OOOH! The Prog-Dork Fatwa is going to be fierce! Well, as fierce as anything can be with a fanbase that seldom leaves the couch, can't fit into a standard car, let alone brandish a weapon without eliciting laughter...

I love that album, but I have to say the review was pretty humorous, even if it did paint a fairly depressing picture of dwindling attention spans and successive generational cognitive decline.

Kids these days...
30
I LOVE this album. I am singing it right now in remembrance of all the hours I spent listening to this as a teenager. I stole it from my mother and played the hell out of it. Perhaps it only speaks to a few.
31
I've really gotten a big kick out of this column, it's almost as much a favorite as "Last Days." I've enjoyed the way Anna Minard grapples with the assignments. And whether she "likes" an album or not is less important than her journey through the music. Yeah!

Has she done any krautrock yet? Yeah, I know, I just said it was a favorite column, so I should know.
32
I commend you for giving the album a try. KC are one of my favorite bands, though their debut is not among my favorites, either. It has its moments, but is not as consistent as some later recordings. The band's line-up changed often, so later offerings differ greatly. I hope the fact that you liked at least the last track prompts you to try at least one more album. Peace.
33
Fun read and some interesting (even astute) observations from reviewer and commentators alike.

Daniel K
ex-King Crimson Webmaster
34
I like Yes more myself. I didn't get into prog really until recently. I think it can be an age thing. How old is Anna? Or it will just never be to her musical taste. Not a big deal.
35
Can I help you Anna?

You'd better try this 2012's version of I Talk To The Wind.

youtube.com/watch?v=MEK10_WHSKM
36
A shining example of why the limitlessness of words on the Internet should be limited. I blame the editors more than the poor writer. You don't just dive into a King Crimson album as much as graduate into one. If your portal is Kanye, you are way off from relating and understanding this album in any way. Start with Bowie, at least or the Beatles.
37
Okay, anyone who's hatin' on Anna does not understand the premise of this column, and they're taking it too far. Anna does not deserve to be insulted. A I love her writing, and usually I'm pleased that she likes something I like. This is the first time she's rejected a band I like. As someone else said, they're not for everyone. I happen to love King Crimson, but this is not their best album. I have a hard time getting thru this one, too. The one thing that bugs me here is the phrase "worst elements of the Beatles and Led Zeppelin". In my opinion, the Beatles and Zep have no bad moments at all, ever, so for once she's disappointed me. ~Sigh~
38
uh did anyone let anna know that KC is really meant for boys only? you know...boy music...similar to no true straight man can understand madonna beyond her fakey blondness.
39
One big fat WAH!
What do you put on your resume, music reviewer or ordinary internet troll?
40
Great! You've found a way to make a living out of being an internet troll!
41
Anna, Believe it or not there are those of us who enjoy bands that sound like they are throwing cutlery around. Although listeners like us are in the minority, we enjoy being informed that such bands and recordings exist. Bands like this are true spectacles to experience, both live and on recordings and the world needs to be told of their existence. Keep on reviewing.
42
Do you like classical music, Anna?
43
You call this PROGress?
44
I'm cracking up over how many people are hating on this humor column. It's HUMOR. If Trey Gunn gets the joke, then lighten up folks...
45
Pretentious, self-absorbed, heady… there’s all sorts of potential for humor in prog rock. Pity this reviewer didn’t have the chops to find any. “Beatles, Zepplin, 90’s music?” Gee, that’s pointed. “Jazz band rehearsal?” Ooh, how cutting - not too broad there! You really do need to understand something at least a little bit to make fun of it and not come off like a petulant 12 year-old.
46
...imbecile. Your written garbage is a good showcase of the willful ignorance in this country. Please don't strain your little brain with complex things. It obviously hurts you. Perhaps you should stick to reviewing Brittany Spears or Hannah Montana, and Bieber. That sounds much more like your speed.
47
Really lame. That album has been in the masterpiece category for over 40 years. Go listen to your Gaga and let us get on with our lives.
48
Whaaaaaaaa! Somebody doesn't like something I like!

Do you greasy twits have a Google Alerts set for King Crimson? Jusus Christ, I am a big prog fan. In particular this album, but give it a rest.
49
Wow. That's some Industrial Grade butthurt. Never Heard of 'Em remains the funnest part of the arts coverage here!
50
The only thing funnier than the column is the pseudo-intellectual backlash from prog dudes. Keep on being you, prog dudes.
51
I agree with the review 100%, and I like that album.
52
Wonderful! Best laugh I've had all week!!

Anna, it takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there like this - Yeah, I get that it's a humor column, but still. Thank you!

I DO like prog, and I do like King Crimson, but no, it's not for everybody.

Just one request: do Butthole Surfers next!! Psychic... Powerless... Another Man's Sac or Locust Abortion Technician. Pleeeeeeeze???? Pretty please, with sugar on top??? :-D
53
Hey Anna, rather amusing. I'm also amused that it looks like the haters all missed the fact that you did like the title track a lot. In terms of you "just not getting it", it may be worth mentioning that the '80s version of King Crimson is rather different from this, and the '90s-to-recent versions are different again, although if you ever listened to that much you'd start to see the musical connections, I believe. (It helps that they keep adding more parts to "Larks' Tongues in Aspic"…) In any case, I think you'd find the '80s version more accessible (which is not a bad thing) but still with some challenging instrumentals.

Also, was that really Trey Gunn for real? That's fantastic. Made me laugh out loud. I had no idea he was in Seattle now.
54
Trey has been in Seattle for many years.
55
Three separate times, I listened to it on the bus and had the exact same moment where I realized that I was still on the first track and three neighborhoods had gone by already.

I had the same experience trying to listen to Bruckner's eighth symphony on a bus once. It was horrible.
56
As a long-time Crimson fan, I give this review a "bwahahaha" out of 10. "A firey comet tail of stupid noise"..."all my brain has to say about King Crimson is "Oh my god, is this song still playing? My commute is almost over." This is good stuff, people.
57
Try listening to King Crimsons "Larks Tounges in Aspic". Much better album... seriously.
58
Oh please, please, please troll Morrissey fans next.
59
Where does Trey Gunn perform or jam locally that one might watch?
60
ITCOTCK is overrated: "seminal" though it may be, it doesn't compare to the best of much of KC's later work, e.g., the 1973-75 incarnation and the early 80's edition (though I'm biased: I like everything Fripp has released). But if you don't like long-and-complex-but-often-loud-and-distorted rock-style music, and have an exclusively "punk" aesthetic (i.e., feel that rock music needs to be 2-4 min. per song or it's worthlessly pretentious) then no amount of tries will warm you up to KC. But, as the first respondent said, at least you tried...
61
Either you get it or you don't get it. I get it. You don't. We're cool.
62
Remember Anna, King Crimson evolved out of an era most likely before you were conceived. The music is most appreciated relaxing in a altered state of pleasure, not the pain of a bus ride. You were also probably distracted, texting your mind away trying to live in some other reality...the future or the past instead of taking a moment or two in the present to hear, not just listen to K.C. I admit I have the same reaction to most of today's music that's been written and performed for a totally different generation of listeners. Kuddos for giving it a try!
63
No prog rock trip is complete without watching Focus perform "Hocus Pocus" on the Midnight Special (with Gladys Knight intro!).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4ouPGGLI…
64
i read this review in the actual paper while doing groceries.. and i just tightened my grip on the poor thing. i am very sorry that about 1/3 of a page was wasted on your so called review on crimson.

indeed crimson is hard to digest, but you cannot ignore the fact that they'r awesome. have you even heard 21st century schizoid man?????!!

oh.. i effin love tool, but you had it wrong somewhere.. crimson influenced tool, and in some weird way that went on a loop.. so yeah, in a sense you'r right, still its out of context. it just sucks that you rely on wikipedia for facts than mere obsession with music, all music, even the ones you hate and dont understand.

so.. yes. i am avidly waiting for your next column and hopefully i learn something interesting.. more interesting than the methodology of your mp3 auricular mastication.
65
I'm guessing you writing about music, or at least music like this, is about the same as me writing about childbirth. I've heard about it, watched my wife go through it, so I must be "expert enough" to write about it.
Next, maybe I can write about brain surgery. I've heard other people talk about it, and even know a few people who've done it. Maybe they'll let me try it with them next time. I'll post my comments afterwards!
66
Also, though I understand that the nature of this series is comic in nature, the hardest aspect of writing humor is being funny. Snarky, non-witty comments born out of ignorance just aren't funny. Writers usually have to work on their craft before being given a published forum for their offerings.
67
Back in the day a King Crimson album was in everyone's collection, but it was only broken out for evenings of especially altered reality. I honestly listened to it since 1972 and won't buy it from iTunes, even if they have it. The cover brings back magical memories tho.
68
Um, if you listen to Kanya.... nuff said.
69
This is music from back in my day, and I didn't like it then. I can't imagine resurrecting it.

However, I loved the album cover art. It was just weird enough for my taste. I kept the album cover propped up on a windowsill for its decorative value. What can I say? I was very, very young.
70
...can you review a Hawkwind album next??
71
...can you review a Hawkwind album next?
72
You'll never know how good this makes me feel. I shall never make poop jokes on a Stranger related page again... as long as I can get a shed with Trey.
73
so she didn't like the album. Get over it!! F'in groupies.
74
Pay no mind to these poor sports - This column is always amazing, even when a band I love is met with loathing and indifference. It's fascinating to see how the uninitiated respond to our sacred cows, and the writing and tone are excellent, illuminating and fun.

That said, the main reason it is important to understand prog rock is so you can grasp what a breath of fresh air punk rock was after all that nonsense.
75
Wow :-) You write with such honesty that your musical range is irrelevant - accurately appraising bands even when you don't "get them". IE: If I didn't already love KC - your review would have completely sold me on them. Now, really, how cool is that? In feudal Japan, the owner of a tea shop found that he had to defend his village from outlaws. Bewildered, he sought advice from a passing samurai, who said: "Merely draw the sword as if you were pouring tea".
76
Please, can you giver her a Pere Ubu album next?
77
Say bad things of Crimson if you will
You stupid, fKcing, imbecile
78
Here ya go.....this should finish ya off.
Amon DĂĽĂĽl II. You're Welcome.
Vinsanity
79
They were right, she knows nothing about what she's talking about.
80
But it's not nonsense.

Yeah, it's a funny article. But we've had to put up with this kind of treatment in earnest for a LONG time, and that "fresh air" is REALLY STALE by now. Most of all, people might just make up their own minds after all once they heard this stuff, and wouldn't *that* be *so "punk rock"*?
81
Hilarious review! I almost choked on my coffee. Even Dick Cheney couldn't do better than that one!
82
What do you expect, women don't have the mental capacity to listen to good music. Kanye West? Good joke.
83
Why does Anna have a pen in hand or keyboard nearby and blurting "Cathy"-style silly observations about King Crimson music? There's nothing funny about this music, or the commute through neighborhoods she takes. Reading her mirthless viewpoints about complicated musical endeavors is, well, a waste of life. Yes, Kanye will fill your musical awareness bubble nicely. He's a real life musical God. Pray to him and leave King Crimson out of your unqualified worldview.

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