First Period: The most awkward girls in high school.

THURSDAY 3/12

WHO'S ON FIRST

Madness! Never in the ancient history of the Homosexual Agenda have we ever (and I'm talking EVER) been faced with such a fabulous abundance on a flipping THURSDAY, for Christ's sake. But not to worry: If you schedule cleverly, have unlimited resources, or maybe possess one of those nifty Time-Turner thingies Hermione was always using to get to classes on time, perhaps you can make it to both of these events. (It's worth a shot...) First! From the brilliant brain of a man called Charlie Vaughn comes what would happen if Mean Girls and Girls Will Be Girls had a gayby: a saucy, sassy, uproariously funny little film called First Period. And YOU get to make world history by experiencing its Seattle premiere. (Take a gander at the trailer here. Sassy! Uproarious!) Drag queens! Teen Witch references! Elvira! This sucker's got it all—even Charlie (the director/producer, don'tcha know) will be in attendance, so you can ask him questions and rub his belly for good luck. (It's a thing!) Please to note: This is not just a screening, it's an event, with a performance by a range of talented queens before the show and a Q and A with Mr. Vaughn after. As God damn well intended. Central Cinema, 8 pm, $7, all ages.

"THE D" IS FOR DISNEY

And then! The Haus of Paradisco (led by Miss Gay Seattle herself, Drew Paradisco) brings us a magical evening of Disney-flavored frivolity in the key of drag. This is another one of those very rare all-ages events, so if you're of the unfortunate "can't drink yet class," this one is for you. Jessica Paradisco, Kimber Lee, Sparkle Leigh, Isaac Scott, Kristi Champagne, and more are on the bill, and the money goes to Camp Ten Trees and Seattle's Imperial Sovereign Court. Julia's, 8 pm, $5, all ages.

FRIDAY 3/13

RAINING PURPLE

Don't have tickets yet? GET ON IT! RIGHT NOW! Ian Bell's Brown Derby Series is infamous for selling out in a flash, and with good reason: Ade, Scott Shoemaker, Imogen Love, Freddy (King of Pants) Molitich, Joe Randazzo—a veritable tire fire of talent, bringing back to you (by popular demand!) the live stage rendition of that seminal '80s Prince-a-thon, Purple Rain! I. Just. Want. To. See. You. Watch-ing. This effed-up PURPLE RAIN! Re-bar, 8 pm, $20, 21+. recommended