Femdom Marriage

Comments

I'm deeply touched that this was the type of marriage that Dan chose to write about in this issue of The Stranger. Thank you so much!

Marrena on June 20, 2012 at 9:14 AM

I'm delighted for this happy couple, and love that they have found something that works for both of them. That said, if I imagine myself in Robert's place, it sounds like my worst fucking nightmare. But different strokes for different folks, and good on them!

ohthetrees on June 20, 2012 at 10:45 AM

Great story-- the length and subject matter really appealed to me. Reminds me of a Midori quote from an old Savage Love, to forget the "dour mistress" archetype and go for what style works for you personally. That's one of the best non-Dan pieces of kink advice I've seen.

mixy on June 20, 2012 at 1:20 PM

This is beautiful. I'm pretty sure my husband would throw a shit fit a mile wide if I told him he had to do all the chores and couldn't masturbate, but that's the beauty of diversity in marriage. Dan made his point - that even straight marriage is often far from "traditional" - in a lovely and understated way.

the_spiral on June 20, 2012 at 3:03 PM

It doesn't matter who you love as long as you love. thank you....

on June 20, 2012 at 10:47 PM

I stopped reading not even a third of the way through.

Here's how this reads in the real world -

She married a man she wasn't physically attracted to.

Eventually her self-hatred manifests itself by torturing this pathetic sack of shit.

Oh, what's that term? Abuse.

Kudos to her for that, at least. I mean, at least she gets it out.

And once again, everyone will applaud the exhumation of an, and I quote, "man's" once silent agony.

Tell me Dan, is this one of the men you ruined when you told the idiotic, selfless love of his life that her mate (yes, MATE) exists within a biologically impossible condition?

You could crush that idiot preacher, if he steps up to the plate.

I'd eat you alive.

-Zach Bailey

on June 20, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Never, ever again think you have any right to raise your voice any higher than your ever-shrinking circle of backbiting friends.

Never, ever again think you have any right to act as a representative of this city or of any people, on any level, be it a fucking household, a block, a neighborhood, or ON A FEDERAL LEVEL.

Never, ever again think you have the right to tell ANYONE how to live their lives.

You are a true laughingstock of this planet, and deserve far worse than you will ever receive.

I really appreciate the 'adult' coworkers talking to me about Santorum as a way of relating their attraction. As if they could ever be sober enough to know what that feels like.

Oh, it gets better, you worthless faggot.

on June 21, 2012 at 12:12 AM

Chastity- A way to make me batshit crazy. Great Pride issue article, Dan! Thanks!

OutInBumF on June 21, 2012 at 12:33 AM

As a final aside,

You want legalized gay marriage, legalize polygamy.

Get fucked, all of you.

on June 21, 2012 at 12:42 AM

LMAO @9

Pop a Valium and STFU, it's not our fault Dan fucked you and never called.

the_spiral on June 21, 2012 at 3:37 AM

Grand for them for finding what worked. I hope the mechanism to change the relationship should change be needed is equally available to both of them.

And I respectfully wonder if the dynamics of any full-time D/S relationship are really as subtle out of the bedroom as the participants claim. So many people think they're pulling the wool over the eyes of the world.

vennominon on June 21, 2012 at 6:54 AM

@11 - occasionally, friends have made it clear to me that they think I am in a femdom relationship of some kind. I'm absolutely not, but I am an assertive person with an easygoing partner who does equal housework and really enjoys doing nice things for me. So I could see how an actual D/s pair could be conversely well-camouflaged as a relationship of equals.

Thisbe on June 21, 2012 at 8:26 AM

@11: reasearch shows that in general, people percieve themselves as being poor liars, and good at telling when someone else is lying, but in actuality it's reversed, people are good at lying and very bad at telling when someone is lying.

Friendstastegood on June 21, 2012 at 9:51 AM

Nice piece, but "They don't have more sex than they used to back in the 'dark days,' but they have more sexual contact" should read: "They don't fuck more than they used to back in the 'dark days,' but they have more sex.

dbhou on June 21, 2012 at 9:52 AM

Congrats to Elizabeth and Robert for what works for them!
Excellent piece, Dan!

auntie grizelda on June 21, 2012 at 5:17 PM

@10: Seriously, sounds like a broken closeted Mormon who's unmarried, yet fully unwilling to go for men.

on June 21, 2012 at 7:14 PM

I don't understand what two women left alone per marriage has to do with Mormonism or any religious thought whatsoever, but feel free to act as though your skin doesn't crawl whenever you see me.

on June 22, 2012 at 1:14 AM

Even funnier, you don't mention any religion other than Mormonism.

(Hey guys, another term for 'Christian' is 'white people' - and their numbers are diminishing)

Go ahead and tell me we're post-racial with today's financial numbers on the front page.

Well done.

on June 22, 2012 at 1:15 AM

Town hall, national television, name it.

Fag.

on June 22, 2012 at 1:20 AM

Next time I don't like a woman I'm dating I'm going to put a cage around the bitch.

That'd be so fucking valiant.

on June 22, 2012 at 1:36 AM

I'm pro whatever kind of marriage you want, but I don't believe for a second that the kids don't pick on this. And that it's fucking them up a wee bit.

on June 25, 2012 at 11:18 AM

@21

Research seems to indicate that happy marriages are better for children than divorces or unhappy marriages. So, I sincerely doubt that this is "fucking them up".

So, they perceive that their father is attentive to the needs of their mother. So what? The opposite is true in many families, and it doesn't fuck anyone up. Even vanilla marriages often have one partner who is more attentive than the other. Just because their power exchange dynamics are partially erotic doesn't mean that the kids pick up on the erotic portion.

DarthKelly on June 26, 2012 at 4:22 PM

I wanted to comment on whether the kids are picking up on the undercurrents in their parents' marriage. First of all, this marriage has lasted for TWELVE years during which time Elizabeth and Robert have figured out how to make it get better. How many other families around them are still on their first marriage?

All of the kids are prepubescent. If anything, I would hope the example of their parents would teach the boys to act nicer toward girls (I've read some horror stories) and the daughter to be more assertive when faced with some of the sexist crap society will throw at her.

OTOH, these kids - when they get older - will probably react the same way North American teens do when confronted by the very idea of their parents' sexual expression. As in, it doesn't exist and it hasn't since the youngest child was born. Me, I blame 50s and 60s American TV shows where married couples slept in TWIN BEDS. I don't think we've ever recovered.

I have to add a giggle at the thought of Robert initiating a GGG request; and, yes, he's having a sexual experience 24/7 simply because that cock cage keeps his focus on sex, desire and genitals.

Helenka (also a Canuck) on June 28, 2012 at 11:08 PM

Like Robert, I too am in a Femdom marriage, and what a wonderful experience it is. We are 24/7 and have no children, so our time together is 100% focused on the relationship and understanding the rules. Any conflicts are quickly settled before they become issues - quickly settled by my wife with my concurrence. The comment by dbhou about less fucking applies with us as well. My wife even told me recently that she doesn't need much sex, only my love, attention and obedience. English is not her first language. She meant 'fucking' too. She expects her oral pleasure daily, she expects my ritual footkissing each morning as she leaves for work, and each evening when she returns, she keeps me in chastity when she feels like it. So I never know from day to day if I will be locked or not. She also expects that I do about 70% of the housework, including ironing. Every day I think how lucky I am to have found her and that she agreed to become my wife.

tonyboy on July 1, 2012 at 8:41 PM

Jeez, I need to find one of these sub guys.

Gamebird on July 6, 2012 at 5:20 PM

Yeah, I say it's still a male fantasy dominated subject. It doesn't work well in a marriage with children it works well in a man's sexual head as long as it's not tethered to reality.
Not to piss on the parade but most sin and vices are attached to the underlying law or rule that 1 should not have sex outside of marriage.
That being said if you're hot and you want to tell me what to do and touch my dick, I have and perhaps still would be on my fucking knees. However, With much respect and from a position of submissive Need. I provide to the beautiful ladies, deserving of my love this 1 word of warning.
As it is my duty to lay down my life for you;
You hot mistresses know well (as I do) that I am the 1 that could call a stop to "it" at anytime.
The ultimate answer is yes I will bite the dust and lose it all but I'll be damned if I will let go of you. I love you.

Graceless Lady
You know who I am
you know I can't let you
slip through my hands

Uh! please PLEASE baby I'm Uh...
please

lovecated&breathless on September 21, 2012 at 6:37 AM

Dominant women are so wonderful...truly. I have always been attracted to them.

I have been a much happier man since coming to terms with my need to submit to my wife/significant other. She has had trouble with it as she has always wanted a general 50/50 give and take; and that was her view of our relationship.

However, reflecting on our past 30 years together, she has always been the boss. It is interesting that within our relationship Female Dominance has evolved organically. It is only within the past 5-6 years that we have "come out of the closet" and acknowledged that we have a Female Led Relationship (FLR).

Now we have added it to our sex lives as well, plus she and I openly acknowledge that she is in charge. It is a wonderful place to be and I love hearing that this power dynamic works for other couples as well.

on October 9, 2012 at 6:32 AM

Gamebird... we subguys are all over the place... however, the statistics show that very few women value us.

lochinvar on October 13, 2012 at 6:12 PM

My husband came to me with his desire to submit- we are monogamous but I am totally in control. He gives me head at least 6 times a day and he is locked in a chastity device... I let him out to have an orgasm every couple of days but he is not allowed to release without my permission. He does all of the housework , cooking and is very sweet and attentive. We have 4 children and they just think their father is a devoted husband and father. I do not demean him in front of anyone and only use deragatory degrading verbiage in the bedroom and only because he likes it. Our marriage will last forever We are so happy .

Michaelsgoddess on October 20, 2012 at 8:09 AM

I would love to someday be in a marriage like that.

on December 5, 2012 at 9:06 AM

Femdom Marriage

She Calls the Shots, He Does the Chores, and the Chastity Cage Only Comes Off His Cock When She Says So

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

Trans Woman Faces Death Threats after Right Wing Blows Up Olympus Spa Lawsuit

Washington's Backlogged Crime Lab Braces for Influx of Low-Level Drug Cases from Seattle

Megan Rapinoe’s Last Game Was an Ode to How Far Women’s Sports Have Come and Where They Can Go

In Which I Imagine Having a Sweet-Ass Rack

Bad Apples

Lieutenant Uhura and the Death of American Progress

Support The Stranger

She Calls the Shots, He Does the Chores, and the Chastity Cage Only Comes Off His Cock When She Says So

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

Just Can't Get Enough?

Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!