MY FIRST TIME being told by an older woman that I reminded her of that one Australian actress, Ruby was it? from Orange Is the New Black while in a swimsuit, treading water in the deep end of the YMCA pool, post morning aqua-aerobics class: Won't lie, made my day. #celesbian

MY FIRST TIME not being able to figure out why I didn't want a cisgender dude friend to leave my house after we'd spent the afternoon sitting next to each other on my couch watching the movie American Fabulous: Oh, wait... I like him. #crushingonstraightdudes

MY FIRST TIME correcting my great-aunt that this person was not mi amiga but mi novia while she, my girlfriend, smiled uncomfortably and she, my great-aunt, waved her hand dismissively: I let it slide in a minor wash of defeat. #morethanalanguagebarrier

MY FIRST TIME listening to my butch nun of a middle-school PE teacher, Sister Christine, standing there in her tight Our Lady of the Lake T-shirt and knockoff Hammer pants, explain the rules of indoor flag football while the feeling of recognizing myself reflected back at me delicately twinged through my body: I think, I remember thinking, I want to be a nun. #blessedartthouamongstwomen

MY FIRST TIME staring at the carpet nap at my grandmother's house just after hearing my great-grandmother use a word that ended in an o instead of an a, albeit somewhat tongue in cheek, that passed as a term of endearment from her to me: Her laughter was flecked with kindness. #cabrito

MY FIRST TIME washing summer dirt off my naked body at the outdoor showers in the company of my mustachioed boss and half a dozen other women aged older to much older than I as they soaped and scrubbed and chatted and gossiped over the sound of Team Dresch playing in the rehearsal tent across the path: What alternate reality have I found myself in and could you please hand me the communal jug of lavender Dr. Bronner's? #michfest

MY FIRST TIME getting my fancy gold-handled, black-bristled toothbrush returned to me, upon my request, via snail mail after she broke up with me the first time: I had nothing of hers to return. #leavenotrace

MY FIRST TIME turning to my coworker after we both watched you disappear down the long hallway by the greenroom after you had surprise visited me and saying, "I'm gonna marry that lady." I almost bought you and your husband matching butt plugs as your wedding gift last summer, but my friend talked me out of it. #maybeforyouranniversary

MY FIRST TIME being late to a yoga class because I was busy replying to my friend's text asking if I would be in a threesome with her and her lady friend later that evening: I replied, much to her surprise, with "What time do you want me there?" #followyourbliss recommended