Hi. I'm Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things you are wrong about.

Old People: You're wrong about that. Some of them aren't creepy at all.

Daylight Saving Time: Wrong. You're not actually saving anything.

Your "Cool" Dad: He is not remotely cool.

"There Is Evidence for God": Extremely wrong about that.

Neko Atsume: Like God, those cats aren't real.

McDonald's All-Day Breakfast: It's better than you could ever imagine.

Megyn Kelly: Uh, guys? She still works for Fox News.

Racoons: Not cute—their tiny hands are aberrations of nature.

Wine Gardens Taking Up Parking Places: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Replying "K": Or maybe just type, "You are not worthy of my time."

Restaurants That Play Reggae: How could that be right anywhere in the universe? (Jamaica inclusive.)

Enjoying Deadpool: You're embarrassing yourself.

"Pot Smells Good": Pot smells like ass on those days when my ass says, "Uggh. I smell like ass."

Broad City: Needs work.

Tina Fey: Needs work.

Meghan Trainor: A-mazing.

Men in Scarves: A noose would look better.

My Sister's Fiancé Ben: He's the worst possible choice you could make, sweetie.

Moving to Canada If Trump Is Elected: You would do no such thing, you fucking liar.

Voting for Hillary Clinton Solely on Her Promise to Declassify UFO Files: I can get behind that.