Savage Love Podcast Comments


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Enjoy the podcast(as always). But to hear the both of you chowing down on food and slapping your lips while you talk about cream pies was making me sick.

Please don't eat and talk about eating bodily fluids in the future, please.

Keep up the great podcast
Posted by carpet2222 on November 1, 2011 at 5:40 AM · Report this
I like the chemistry of Dan and Lucy
Posted by fsh68 on November 1, 2011 at 5:48 AM · Report this
Lucy was super funny. Skid mark conversation was brilliant. Great chemistry. Anyone who doesn't like her can suck it. Aside from the Sex at Dawn guy, she's my favorite.
Posted by Dutch Bug on November 1, 2011 at 7:32 AM · Report this
Lucy was great! Who could not love someone who can deal with Dan?
Posted by samforviceroy on November 1, 2011 at 8:02 AM · Report this
Loved having Lucy. But please, please, don't ever eat while podcasting again. Fucking gross.
Posted by JerryK3ld#USAsoccer926whitestripes8 on November 1, 2011 at 8:50 AM · Report this
UmJammerLammerz 6
YAY LUCY! I was thrilled to hear her adorable laughter at the beginning of the show.
I was appalled by the negativity and downright rudeness of certain listeners last podcast. I thought Lovecast fans were better than that.
Posted by UmJammerLammerz on November 1, 2011 at 8:56 AM · Report this
Love Lucy! She's awesome! I loved her in the last podcast too. I don't usually view the comments posted on the show and had no idea that she got some flak from last time. I think she's a great addition to the podcast.

Ben -
Posted by AustinBen on November 1, 2011 at 9:28 AM · Report this
Maybe I'm a bit of a freak, but I would totally find it hot if Dan and Lucy got it on!!!
Posted by Jakers on November 1, 2011 at 9:44 AM · Report this
I <3 Lucy as well. Call me sentimental, but I thought it was awesome to have a female perspective on some of the questions that have been asked!
Posted by planned barrenhood on November 1, 2011 at 10:04 AM · Report this
i'm going to second the eating comment. dan, you promised!
Posted by missemma on November 1, 2011 at 10:22 AM · Report this
I like Lucy - except the whole call about the period thing. A lot of guys aren't bothered by it. I have a fuck buddy and we quite often have sex while I have mine... sometimes we (I) do oral and then we have anal... of course ours is ackowledged fuck buddy relationship.
Posted by aud21 on November 1, 2011 at 10:56 AM · Report this

I think the mother who called describing her son's porn as "seems like woman trying not to pee and they ultimately fail, they release or whatever" could be exactly what she interpreted it to be, but also could very likely be "squirter" porn, i.e. real or simulated female ejaculation. If it is the latter rather than the former the psychology of it is way different than what you described for the pee thing, as I believe you have discussed before.

It would probably be better if you helped this women determine what exactly it is that she saw for sure before making her think her son is a piss fetishist or into female humiliation, (not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just probably a harder pill for a mother to swallow).
Posted by Maybe not pee on November 1, 2011 at 11:00 AM · Report this
solitude1984 13
Please, please, please don't eat while you're recording the podcast. I feel that it's kind of disrespectful to the person whose question you are answering.

With regards to Lucy - I'm not sure how I feel about her being on the podcast again. I'd like her to be a tiny bit more serious about the questions, perhaps.
Posted by solitude1984 on November 1, 2011 at 11:02 AM · Report this
Lucy is fucking awesome. Keep her forever, please. The two of you have great podcast chemistry!
Posted by andie on November 1, 2011 at 11:17 AM · Report this
You're pushing me to the edge here Dan. I'm sure Lucy is just a peach in real life.. but she ain't radio material. I'm bored to tears and need a break from the giggles. Get over her--- I am.
Posted by victorieous on November 1, 2011 at 11:25 AM · Report this
I vote for Lucy. There are mean comments here, I understand -- what can you expect? It's the internet, after all. But I enjoyed the dynamics between the two of you very much, and I'd vote in favor of more joint podcasts.
Posted by ankylosaur on November 1, 2011 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Lucy is amazing. It was a great surprise finding out she was on this podcast as well.

Keep her forever. In a cage? In your basement.

Posted by Rhoe on November 1, 2011 at 1:00 PM · Report this
christiana joy 18
I was really weirded out by the lack of conversation when I came out as a mtf transgender type. It felt like there was an enormous elephant in the room. I should have started the conversation but I didn't want to because I really wasn't the one confused. I think it made some of my friends and acquaintances uncomfortable and I did hear some ugly stories about the conversations that followed my exiting the room. I'm completely open but I don't think everybody is and reactions seems very personal. Very difficult, no cut and dry answer. I think we transfolk have a pretty strong radar on peoples comfort level and if someone is a threat as opposed to um, at a loss for words. I guess it isn't an answer but at least it's a perspective. Just be nice that's all anybody wants when they're going through something difficult.
Posted by christiana joy on November 1, 2011 at 1:25 PM · Report this
Haha, I agree with #3, I like Lucy and I also miss Sex at Dawn guy.
Posted by UtterEast on November 1, 2011 at 1:54 PM · Report this
Sounds like you two are having fun, which makes it fun for us.

Since it looks like there won't be a lot of phoning advice-seekers back while you're on tour, having Lucy there gives a little of that give and take, which helps keep Dan grounded and from disappearing up his own asshole, which sometimes happens.

You know who I miss? Dr Barak !
Posted by agony on November 1, 2011 at 2:07 PM · Report this
Jeffrey in Chicago 21
Yeah, I'm gonna chime in on the no-eating plea. Really unpleasant when I'm trying to listen with headphones.
Posted by Jeffrey in Chicago on November 1, 2011 at 2:27 PM · Report this
So it looks like Lucy is a replacement TSARY who gets to talk. OK. She sounds like a lot of my friends -- frankly she sounds sort of like me, I'm sure I'd like her IRL but I prefer to hear Dan Savage without a cheerleader. No offense to her.

My favorite band released a new album this year and chose to use a girl backup singer to a degree that all the songs sounded more like duets than the band I love. So I didn't buy the album. She wasn't who I wanted to hear.

It sounds like the Dan/Lucy duet is going to be doing the show for awhile. I'll probably just delete the podcast from Itunes until the "Lucy period" comes to an end.

Posted by kamm on November 1, 2011 at 2:36 PM · Report this
I loved this weeks show, Lucy is awesome! I can't believe she got flak last week because the chemistry between her and Dan is great. Another vote for more joint podcasts!!
Posted by NM1984 on November 1, 2011 at 2:55 PM · Report this
Dan, two practical comments for the woman who was unsure about sex with her f-buddy while she has her period. 1) IF she wants to have sex but doesn't want to deal with the blood (or he doesn't) she can use a "soft cup" ( and there will be no bloody vagina 2) Cum in the hair following a blow job isn't necessarily a sign of doing it wrong. You have short hair; I have long hair. Trust me - a person with long hair can give great head and get cum in the long hair. (I suppose one solution is to put the long hair in a bun or at least tie it back, but I've actually used the no-rinse shampoo to take care of that.)
Posted by lchernow on November 1, 2011 at 3:08 PM · Report this
Sorry but I can't fucking listen to Lucy. I'm deleting my Savage Love rss feed. When Dan stops having a cohost I'll subscribe again.
Posted by bliffer on November 1, 2011 at 3:53 PM · Report this
bella28 26
Angry lady rage in 3-2-1....

Girl with the guy who won't go down on her after she sleeps with her boyfriend--or rather, the girl with the entitled douche nugget who needs a fucking chart detailing every sexual encounter she's had with her boyfriend, and the exact moment his dick was pulled out of her and a video to prove exactly when and where he came and how much damage he's done to her vagina before he will deign to put his face near it. FUCK THAT GUY. You were right to be turned off. How insulting! RUN! this guy has sex hang ups and that's SO not hot. Don't allow yourself to be degraded like that. Dan, you SHOULD have dismissed his concern as completely irrational. How could you validate that position at all!!? I mean, I heard your reasoning re: 12 hour old cum, yada yada, but unless her boyfriend had literally blown his load in her AN HOUR BEFOREHAND, there's no way that cum would still be in there two days later and would somehow dribble out of her vagina onto this guy's face! Hahaha, come on! That's incredibly unlikely! I mean, it comes out practically the minute you stand up, for one thing. haha. And second, the vagina cleans itself pretty quickly after sex (there's always stuff coming out of it, that's how vaginas work, stuff goes in, stuff comes out! tada!) Plus, I have to assume that she showered before sex. And even FURTHER I would be willing to bet that even if her boyfriend had splooged in her an hour before sex with this guy, and she didn't say anything, and a fucking DROP of cum leaked out with her pussy juice, he wouldn't even be able to taste it!!! I mean, give me a fucking break.

I think this guy was absolutely slut-shaming, I think it was a typical, entitled, homophobic, vagina phobic, sexually insecure douchebag coming up with an excuse not to eat pussy, or rather, to make a girl feel ashamed about the fact that she wants her pussy eaten. (It's not a right, it's a privilege, ladies...)

Or whatever it is, it doesn't matter. If he really was worried about tasting cum, or getting a cream pie (that somehow comes out four fucking days later *rolls eyes*), that's some pussy ass bullshit. Either he's being a dick about the fact that he's not your primary sex partner, or he's just a neurotic germaphobic dork. Either way, get the fuck away from him.

I'm cool with a guy making grooming requests, or showering requests, and I get that straight men are squiky about jizz, but when you start policing what's been in my pussy or how many things have been in my pussy ever, or asking me to prove that something hasn't been in my pussy, that's when I show you the fucking door.

Call Dr. Barak, Dan, and ask him if he thinks that a load of cum can really stay in a woman's vagina for three days! Dear god! I need a glass of wine.

<3 u, Dan, but that was gay. ;)

Posted by bella28 on November 1, 2011 at 4:05 PM · Report this
Last week, I was irritated by Lucy. I didn't feel that she added anything at all to the conversation. After her encore appearance, Lucy needs to go. Her clueless answers to the period issue and the transphobic comment were juvenile and uninformed. I prefer when Dan has expert guests that actually have a clue.Lucy's presence is downright unhelpful.
Posted by maraudingcat on November 1, 2011 at 4:13 PM · Report this
christiana joy 28
I didn't find myself offended by Lucy's trans comment. As far as I can tell, she is young, sweet, fun and she is temporary. Plus with all the criticism I'd say she is taking it on the chin with quiet aplomb. Lucy, you are alright in my book! Just keep an open mind, be kind and never stop playing! But I'd like to humbly suggest, Mr. Savage, NO EATING AND PODCASTING. It was really really gross.
Posted by christiana joy on November 1, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
Luckeon 29
Lucy is awesome! She has the best laugh! And her interactions with Dan are great.
Posted by Luckeon on November 1, 2011 at 5:44 PM · Report this
I'm FtM transgender, and have had some awkward encounters with people who knew me before transition and then never knew about transition until a while after it when I ran into them again... The best encounter I had was with my old orthodontist. Some highlights: "Hey [correct/new name]! It's been a while; you look good!" Use of correct pronouns/name throughout conversation. Lots of genuine, polite smiling.

I think intentionally ignoring it and trying to use no pronouns or stumbling about makes it very awkward and very obvious that you are uncomfortable. It can be hard to decide if someone is just uncomfortable because they don't know what to say, or uncomfortable because they're trying to think of all the times you might have accidentally rubbed your gay off on them and what their pastor might think.

Think of it almost like you're seeing someone at your high school reunion. They're all grown up now, maybe got married to someone you'd never expect, have a cool new job... Just be happy for them, be friendly, and try not to stare.
Posted by moralhazard on November 1, 2011 at 5:57 PM · Report this
@26: I actually think Lucy had a relevant point when she said that she'd heard in college that a guy's jizz could stay in the vagina for 28 days. I'm in college, and even though I hadn't heard that, I hear similar kinds of bullshit all the time. A lot of college-age guys know very, very little about sex, and although I think the girl in this situation has every right to be offended and want nothing else to do with this guy, I also think that he might just be freaked out.

In terms of Lucy: she seems like a kind of limited guest, considering that she didn't even see the possibility that the girl on her period might actually enjoy vaginal intercourse on her period. I was with Dan, I thought she should just say that it was that time of the month when he called and then it would be his choice to say "Oh that's totally fine, I'll fuck your brains out anyway" or "That's totally fine, I wouldn't mind actually watching a movie" or "Oh, I'm sorry about that, call me back when you're over it?" I don't think any of those are douchey things to say.
Posted by alguna_rubia on November 1, 2011 at 6:19 PM · Report this
Wow... apparently some people here are really offended by the sound of a young women laughing and having fun. What shitty lives they must lead.
Posted by commisaro on November 1, 2011 at 6:36 PM · Report this
Hey Dan, I love the show. I have a couple of comments about the last show.

I want to respectfully say that it seems like you "phoned in" your responses to a couple of the callers. Normally your responses are pretty well thought out. Perhaps the delivered food was a distraction.

The first thing is the most obvious one. You talked for way to long justifying the guy wanting to know how long it had been since she had been with someone else before he went down on her. Why did you completely ignore the fact that perhaps the guy was attracted to her, was interested in being with her, but maybe he wanted something besides just that one night? There are several reasons why a woman might not want to have sex with a guy, but would be more than willing to do other things. Some people are really free about oral sex, (bless them for it) and they will only have "real" sex in the context of a relationship. It is very reasonable for the guy to have thought that she is like that, and as a result, would be an indication that she wasn't really that into him, even though she was willing to give, and receive oral. She didn't say anything about the guy having a 3rd grade fear of some other guys semen being in her, she only said, "He wanted to know how long it had been." How long it had been could mean hours, sure, or it could also mean months.

Maybe the guy isn't as sexually liberal as she is.

Also, Lucy is great. I especially enjoy her voice. I could listen to it all day! I have to complain that she wasn't able to contribute enough on the show. I just heard that she is coming on your show next week. That is awesome. I catch your podcast about once every other month, and this is the first time I am making a point out of listening to a show in the future. I'm hoping she'll be a stronger presence!
Posted by Cirk on November 1, 2011 at 7:16 PM · Report this
TroseProse 34
Posted by TroseProse on November 1, 2011 at 8:02 PM · Report this
TroseProse 35
Whoops! Didn't mean to post the "test". Had a problem logging on and hit "preview" and it posted live and I couldn't delete!

Probably because I was going to post something negative.

But that's not going to stop me! Just wanted to chime in with the minority who isn't so into Lucy. Sorry! I don't feel she adds anything to the show and although her laugh is adorable and Dan gives me at the very least one good laugh per show (usually more), Lucy laughs constantly and it's annoying! Is it nervous laughter?

Also, it's funny that Dan's told callers to keep their questions as short as possible because lately, it seems he's being long-winded and repeating himself a lot with his answers.

OK, this is just one person's opinion but I'd like to hear more calls, less repetition and no more Lucy. Sorry if you're reading this Lucy, it's nothing personal you seem very nice but I tune in because I just love hearing all the various issues that I never even dreamed existed and Dan’s (hopefully non-repetitive) suggestions for their resolutions.
Posted by TroseProse on November 1, 2011 at 8:11 PM · Report this
I'm a female, just out of my teens, with a wetting/piss fetish. To the mother of the boy, I would just like to reiterate what Dan said: DON'T SAY ANYTHING to your son, and also, don't say anything to your friends. Dan was the right person to call to get this off your chest.
Posted by Embarrassed on November 1, 2011 at 9:05 PM · Report this
vaseline_deon 37
RE: tg querry: When someone first transitions, it can be extremely shocking and a huge thing to face for all the people around them. Friends, family, coworkers, are often thrown for a loop; the trans adage "all the people in your life have to transition with you" applies. The shocked expressions and pronoun stumbling are going to be the norm, it's a fact of life, at least until the person acclimates and has some time distance between them and their full-time date. So the lawyer was puzzled at first but adapted and started using the right pronouns immediately. It's a sticky situation to be in, but he navigated the situation professionally. That's the most important thing. Just maintain a professional level of respect, and PLEASE make an extra effort to get affected pronouns right. If the trans person has anything to share with you about their transition, allow them to. Some people will overcompensate in their attempts to be supportive and the receiving trans person ends up feeling totally singled out and patronized. been there, and it's a weird feeling. "Wait am i being cheered along in the Special Transition Olympics?" thanks! -VD
Posted by vaseline_deon on November 1, 2011 at 11:21 PM · Report this
Oh Dan....if your "sex show" brings you to Tampa... and if you are not just looking for a hook-up with a college aged guy, I PROMISE you that you will have sex. Even my GGG partner/boyfriend/spousal equivelent would give me the green light to rock your world. (As long as you HIC/BFA Terry wasn't opposed. Ahhh I'm probably not your type anyway....but someone should be satisfying your every need while you are touring the country.
Posted by TampaDink on November 1, 2011 at 11:51 PM · Report this
pamcash 39
I'm the bitter ol' lady who wrote the "I'm So Mad At You" letter. I want to thank you so much for apologizing and addressing the issue. It may seem like a tiny point, but it's hard to have a sense of humor or glib attitude about something that almost killed one of my best friends (she had several bones broken by her abuser and was held hostage). I have a great sense of humor and love to joke about things, but this little point was important to me. It means a lot to me and her that you reminded everyone that anyone can be in abusive relationships and that you didn't mean what you implied with the slip of your tongue. I still remain a fan and regular listener. Thank you so much again.
Posted by pamcash on November 2, 2011 at 12:12 AM · Report this
bella28 40
@31...ok...MAYBE you're right. I probably shouldn't listen to the podcast after drinking a triple shot latte and two cups of coffee.

Re: The Lucy Debate: Are we all just jealous because a random chick is partnering with Dan on the podcast and we all just wish we were her? Huh? huh? something to think about.

The eating didn't bother me. But that's probably because I'm always eating during the podcast. It's not easy sometimes. But then again, I don't freak out about jizz being in people's pussies.
Posted by bella28 on November 2, 2011 at 2:29 AM · Report this
bella28 41
Oooh! For the fuck buddy chick: when you get your period and that guy texts you, say "Sorry, my vagina is closed for repairs." That's my favorite one.
Posted by bella28 on November 2, 2011 at 2:34 AM · Report this
My comment is intended to be objectively critical and non-judgmental and I hope it is viewed that way. In the past when you have shared your mic, your guests have contributed informed content. Lucy does not. She is an unnecessary sidekick offering only a comedic laugh track and it is taking your game down several notches. The format of your show wasn’t broken. Stop fixing it. Please.
Posted by Nice Guy on November 2, 2011 at 3:18 AM · Report this
What I love about S.L. is the delicate balance of humor and sincerity with which you answer people's questions. When you are goofing around with some girl (even worse having her answer questions when she doesn't have anything insightful to offer) the whole tone of the show changes to glib and careless. I am an avid listener, but I found myself cringing several times this week and last, especially when you mentioned having her back yet again next week. Hope it's just you and the TSARY.
Posted by Derwiss on November 2, 2011 at 4:06 AM · Report this
@42 That's not an objective comment at all, it's your very subjective, personal preference. Don't pretend otherwise.
Posted by BiBart on November 2, 2011 at 6:32 AM · Report this
I find Lucy distracting--and not the good, sexy kinda distracting. Dan and Lucy were so busy laughing at their own jokes about the trans person (can't remember now if the client was MTF or FTM), and how the lawyer should acknowledge the person's transition that I never got the goods on how to respond. I myself have faced this issue, as 3 of my colleagues (whom I previously socialized with on a regular basis, but who I now--due to moving for my job--see only intermittently at professional conferences every other year or so) have transitioned FTM. I mean, when somebody drops 30 pounds or gets new glasses, I wouldn't hesitate to comment: "Oh, you look great" or "Are those new glasses? The frames look very nice on you." But WTF do I say to someone when they've changed their *gender*? I really wanted to know, and I want to respect my colleagues' decisions, but I didn't get a straight answer (pun intended) from the podcast on how to acknowledge this big transition.

In short: When Lucy is on the podcast, the signal to static ratio is way off. Dan, please, in your next podcast, address this issue with greater seriousness and in more depth. Thank you.
Posted by Sally Hemings' daughter on November 2, 2011 at 8:42 AM · Report this
I just want to completely disagree with the response caller about the Athiest woman. Being an Athiest doesn't mean you completely lack a morality, we just lack a morality based on ridiculous rules written in in a book. Plus I do not believe that morality comes only from religion. We form our principles in many ways besides religious indoctrination, through stories, fairy tales, fiction, as well as a basic concept of appreciating the value of human life and nature. While it might be difficult for her to transition to thinking of morality as a way to behave because it is good and right, as opposed to a way to behave or otherwise you're going to hell, ignoring her misbehavior wont help that. Part of how we learn to behave is through the reaction of our peers, it is important that someone tell her that she's out of line.
Posted by Shinobi on November 2, 2011 at 9:50 AM · Report this
Oh and for the record: Sperm can stay alive in the vagina for 7 days. Not sure about semen itself. But I flinched at Lucy throwing out college urban legends. Isn't that what we're trying to AVOID going out in the ether?

If Lucy must hold your hand through the podcast, can't she be silent like the TSARY?
Posted by maraudingcat on November 2, 2011 at 11:44 AM · Report this
Lucy sounds inexperienced and callous with listeners' calls! Just because someone does your laundry doesn't mean that they give awesome sex advice Dan! Lucy's jokes aren't funny, in fact they sound like the sex negative bullshit that your whole career purports to dispell. Also it's "creepy" that Lucy has NEVER LISTENED TO THE PODCAST before she was on...Dan, stick with more informed co-hosts! These last two with Lucy have def been the most boring and cringe-y that I've heard. Mistress Matisse, Sex at Dawn guy, all awesome. Lucy sounds like my freshman year roommate, Blah!
Posted by nattieboom! on November 2, 2011 at 11:57 AM · Report this
Lucy is cool. I like her. Chill the fuck out and stop drinking the hateraid, people. On another note, I'm sad to hear she isn't getting laid on the tour. I'd be happy to do the honors.
Posted by justanotherguy on November 2, 2011 at 1:54 PM · Report this
bripatrick 50
For a free podcast, a lot of people have a lot of demands.

It sounds like Dan is kind of busy with the MTV college tour/show, and is putting the Lovecast together when he can squeak it in. And if he wants a sounding board since the tech team isn't there to record callbacks, etc. he's entitled to have someone like Lucy on to fill that role.

Also, he's entitled because IT'S HIS FUCKING SHOW.

That said...I think Dan softballed the question on the college guy who wouldn't go down on a caller unless she told him when the last time she had sex was.

If both parties meet up for sex...I think the general expectation is that your junk is going to be clean. I'd never dream of asking someone as we're getting into it on my bed to clarify when the last time they had sex was, and if it was within x amount of time I'd refuse to give head. I'd expect they'd toweled and washed off since the last time, unless I was filming a gangbang scene.

Slutshaming? Probably not. More homophobia and general reluctance to go down on a woman. Guys like that don't deserve blowjobs, caller. They deserve a fleshjack and some sanitizing wipes, cuz they got issues.
Posted by bripatrick on November 2, 2011 at 2:15 PM · Report this
christiana joy 51
WTF do I say to someone when they've changed their *gender*? Is the kind of attitude I would expect to stay quiet with and not offer any information except what was necessary to finish the transaction of goods or services. Someone remind me of the offensive joke because it didn't stick with me and again I am extremely sensitive about the pointedness of jokes at my expense. Dan doesn't have the answers about gender, that isn't his expertise. Gender and sex are very different. BTW I am transgender in Lawrence KS and unlike a previous caller and I get along fine. Sometimes I get worried that my transition wasn't more difficult. Plus I had a lot of bigoted "friends" I wanted to lose but didn't. What's that about?
Posted by christiana joy on November 2, 2011 at 3:21 PM · Report this
christiana joy 52
Plus I've got the tightest pussy, ever. Mostly because it's only an urethra at this stage of my life.
Posted by christiana joy on November 2, 2011 at 4:23 PM · Report this
solitude1984 53
Why is it that people who don't enjoy listening to Lucy are "haters". People are entitled to their own opinions. I'm sure Lucy is a very nice person - I don't HATE her at all. I just feel that the podcast has been affected negatively by her presence. I feel that the questions are not taken seriously (or that is the impression that I've gotten over the past two weeks). I've been a fan of Dan for years, and aside from some of the great guests on past podcasts, I listen to them to hear DAN - not Dan and Lucy. It was fine once. It was annoying the second time ... and if it continues, that will be a shame in my OPINION. Again, I DO NOT HATE LUCY. I just don't want to listen to her every week.
Posted by solitude1984 on November 2, 2011 at 5:45 PM · Report this
Love the show Dan, but I think I might stop listening while Lucy is cohosting the show.

I have nothing against her, per se, I just am not really interested in her opinions on your callers' problems. I listen to you, Dan, because I feel like you give an expert opinion. Whether that is true or not can be debated, but I perceive your advice to be the advice of a professional.

Lucy's opinion on your callers' questions is totally irrelevant to me. Being a production assistant for MTV does not put her on equal footing as someone who's been giving sex advice for 20 years.

Again, I have nothing against Lucy but she just isn't who I turn in to listen to.
Posted by AmericanPie'sJasonBiggs on November 3, 2011 at 11:26 AM · Report this
I don't think Lucy is informed enough to be on the podcast.
Posted by dontlook on November 3, 2011 at 1:36 PM · Report this
bella28 56
@50 THANK YOU!!! Now, can you please go around informing other young men of your generation, because I was disappointed that Dan and Lucy didn't do the job themselves. I'm counting on you.
Posted by bella28 on November 3, 2011 at 5:17 PM · Report this
Lucy is amazing at everything! She has a lot of information! Dan and Lucy are amazing! LUCY YOU ROCK!!! love ya! :)
Posted by bax87 on November 3, 2011 at 8:11 PM · Report this

I am confused why you feel Lucy is in any way relevant to the Podcast, other than the fact that she had never even listened to your Podcast, so maybe she can represent a portion of the people who are unfamiliar with what is talked about on Savage Love?

Either way, she does not offer any insightful or surprising commentary. I am sure she is nice but please do not continue to invite her on the show.
Posted by ohhilee on November 4, 2011 at 1:58 PM · Report this
@46: I don't think the caller was claiming that athiests lack a moral framework, but that people who are raised with a moral framework that consists entirely of "Don't make God Mad" lack any more robust moral framework once the prospect of God is taken away, since that God was the only moral framework in that picture. There are religious people with a moral robust religious framework (I hear Kant was a believer, but denied that God's say-so was enough to establish a moral framework) but the woman in question may not have been raised by such people.

Regarding the Asian man who wants to top: if he can stomach playing into dominating asian stereotypes, he might find something in the movie The Mask of Fu Manchu, starring noted Asian-American actor Boris Karloff as Fu Manchu. The movie has Asian sadists aplenty. Plus buff black guys pretending to get there asses kicked by skinny white guys. The kind of sensitivity that plays into hot BDSM.
Posted by Robilla on November 4, 2011 at 4:29 PM · Report this
We've just discovered this site and the podcasts and it's great!
Myself and the ladies have been tuning in to pass the time. :)
Keep up the good work!
Posted by madam dolly on November 4, 2011 at 5:33 PM · Report this
I love the chemistry between Dan & Lucy. Great teamwork you guys, keep it up. ;)

PS: I would fondle Lucy's cock if she were a guy ;)
Posted by r0th10n on November 4, 2011 at 6:04 PM · Report this
While I'm sure Lucy is a nice person, the podcast really loses a lot with her there. I don't think the callers' questions are being answered as thoughtfully. I hope there will be some new podcasts without Lucy.
Posted by Gabby Rick on November 4, 2011 at 6:08 PM · Report this
Regardless of intentions, Lucy's persona on air (I haven't seen her live) seems really phony. Her comments seem a little too opinion-based, or based on what SHE would do in a particular situation. One of Savage Love's strengths that keeps me listening is Dan's ability to relate to or carefully handle others' fetishes or situations without judgment. Sure, he bases comments on his own experience when he has been in a situation, but his answers feel far more academic as opposed to what I might hear sitting around with a bunch of friends talking about sex. I come to this podcast for expertise. If I wanted to hear a strong/opinionated woman share her personal opinions sans expertise (life experience isn't always enough), I'd summon my happy hour crew. Perhaps Lucy feels she's an expert, but I didn't get any indication of a real understanding of most of the issues she's discussing. She's got a long way to go before she should be entrusted with responding to such personal calls. Example that caused me to turn off the episode: In the pee-porn story, Lucy says something problematic, Dan jumps in to redirect, and she instantly agrees, paraphrases what he says and continues with a lot of um-hmms. She added nothing to the conversation. She actually detracted from it by imparting judgement. Perhaps she could spend more time really listening to experts before trying to be one. Then, I'm sure, combined with her life experience, we'd have something really great to learn from her.
Posted by lrc-crl on November 4, 2011 at 9:54 PM · Report this
christiana joy 64
Here is an amazing educational song on piss play.… and stop being so judgmental! Alright? Right.
Posted by christiana joy on November 5, 2011 at 6:08 AM · Report this
@ 26 Totally agree with you! I really felt that Dan really dropped the ball on the call about the college girl with the guy who won't go down on her. Dan is giving that guy TOO MUCH the benefit of the doubt. Unless the girl stumbled out of bed having just fucked her boyfriend and into that guy's dorm room, then I really don't see his "concern" for accidentally licking some other guy's semen out of her vagina as legitimate. Semen typically comes out right after sex (especially right after you stand up) and anything that might be remaining would come out within 24 hours. (And if you didn't know this for a fact you could have Googled it!…)
Plus, assuming the caller took a shower sometime between her last sexual encounter with her boyfriend and the next potential one (with her BF or otherwise), there was really nothing for the college dorm guy to "worry" about.
It was just an excuse to not go down on her despite expecting her to go down on him (which is exactly what she did, WTF?!) She had every right to feel offended and she should have left him high and dry as well. I don't understand Dan's response to this call. In previous podcasts with female callers who had a similar issue of having a boyfriend that they give blowjobs to but who won't similarly reciprocate, you have rightfully informed those callers to clearly state to their boyfriend that they want to be eaten out and that they should refuse to give anymore BJ's until that need is met and if that need is not met then dump the boyfriend.

I get that the college dorm guy was not the caller's boyfriend but she should have called him out on his bullshit (and offensive) concern and if he still refused to reciprocate, then simply refuse to do anything sexual with him and leave.

Also, Lucy seems like a nice person and I actually didn't mind her in the first podcast she participated in. I thought her sharing her experience in an emotionally abusive relationship was enlightening. However, in this most recent podcasts she really did not add to the conversation and at times was more distracting then helpful (e.g. the trans question). I don't mind the occasional informed guest who has some expertise in at least one of the topics commonly covered on SL. Lucy is simply none of those things (She couldn't even offer meaningful contributions to questions that you would think she knows something about like the the caller with the period question or the college dorm guy question.) I also have to agree with previous commenters who noted that with her presence, some of the questions are not taken seriously. Perhaps you can keep her in the room but off the mike during podcasting like you did with the TSARY.
Posted by Buffy on November 5, 2011 at 7:44 AM · Report this
christiana joy 66
Oops, here is the correct link.…
Posted by christiana joy on November 5, 2011 at 8:56 AM · Report this
1) If you wear a properly fitting diaphragm while you're having your period, you can have vaginal intercourse and your partner doesn't even need to know. Sheesh. I thought everyone knew that.
2) I think you were meaner than you needed to be to the mom. And what is the "don't tell your parents/don't talk to your kids about their sex-lives" thing? Is there really a rule? Do we all have to follow it? Feels like you might have a hang-up about parents sometimes.
3) I'm not transgendered, but does anybody ever not like to hear "You look great!" ?
4) I couldn't hear the eating, and I can take Lucy or leave her, but you did seem off this podcast. I'm surprised that no one has mentioned that maybe you shouldn't DRINK and take calls.
Posted by armchair eroticist on November 5, 2011 at 11:06 AM · Report this
I empathize with the Asian top. I had an Asian roommate once who complained about how the majority members in the gay community expected him to be the demure Asian stereotype and as soon as he indicates he wants to top them, they loose interest in him sexually and socially. As a gay black male I to am expected to be a thug top and when I demonstrate that is not the case, we cease to exist -even at a social level. The gay community has a deeper attachment to sexual stereotypes than the straight community that unfortunately leaves the bedroom and is a part of the social sphere. Unless you meet their narrow stereotypes in the bedroom, you become a socially and sexually non-entity.
Posted by in60657 on November 5, 2011 at 11:18 AM · Report this
Dan - I've listened to every show you've ever recorded, left my own recorded question for your podcast, tell all my friends about your show and consider myself a fan - a word I sparingly use. I don't always agree with your advice, but I have nothing but respect for the way you approach your callers, readers and guests with thoughtful, insightful words.

That said, these last two podcasts have been the only two I have disliked since you started recording, and this made me want to unsubscribe until your show resumes its pre-Lucy format. She reminds me of every fag hag I've ever known and frankly - considering your pre-aired thoughts on the negative aspects of the fag-hag relationship- I feel it's hypocritical to bring her along for the ride just because she's a new woman in your life that happens to giggle a lot and agree with everything you say. Literally. Everything. That is not conversation, that is flirting.

Also, the gay man + straight woman thing is making the show kind of "vaginas-are-gross-ish." If people love the idea of a woman side-kick, maybe get a lesbian to even things out. Or a sidekick that has any knowledge of relationships and sex. No offense at all to her.

And the food thing. Please, please, please stop.
Posted by urbana-champaign on November 5, 2011 at 5:31 PM · Report this
TroseProse 70
Yes 53 and 69. Just wanted to add that I think it's really uncool how that nowadays when you express an opinion that's not complimentary and flattering, you're dismissed as "a hater". And, I'd rather be called that than dishonest--which is what I actually try to avoid being when I express myself.
Posted by TroseProse on November 6, 2011 at 3:26 PM · Report this
Dan. Please.

Nothing against Lucy on a personal level, I'm sure she's a lovely person. But she adds NOTHING to the show. The opposite in fact.

First, I'd agree wholeheartedly with the commenter who noted that with her on, and joking with you, the tone shifts from sincere to glib and dismissive. It doesn't help that she laughs at just about everything. In fact, her laugh sounds to me like someone who's uncomfortable with the subject matter at hand and is laughing to cover their discomfort, which in turn reads to me as very sex-negative, something I know you don't want on your show. And ditto the person who called out the vaginas-are-icky undertones running through this show. This was the most sex-negative podcast I've ever heard from you, and it made me want to stop listening.

Second, her comments conveyed no insight or compassion into anyone's situation. She would try to rewrite the situations described into situations she actually had advice for, or she would ignore or forget things that the callers had said, or she would just give inane advice (laughing all the time, of course). Worse, you seemed to KNOW this, because every time that happened you would jump in to backtrack from her comment, or correct it, or lead the conversation in a new direction. You sounded like the smart kid at the cool table, trying not to be an ass but not willing to walk away from the people who were making you look like one.

So seriously, what is the point of this? We tune in to listen to you, not you and your giggly, dismissive, vag-phobic cheer squad. I love your podcast, but one more Lucy episode and I'm out.
Posted by Bostongal on November 6, 2011 at 7:48 PM · Report this
I have to get on the I Love Lucy train. I think she's witty and hilarious. She adds a nice dimension to the podcast. Way to go!
Posted by australokrista on November 7, 2011 at 12:53 AM · Report this
The first week with Lucy was great. She didn't take away from the podcast at all. This week, she showed her youth and lack of experience. I still like having her on the podcast though. She sounds like a total babe. Come to the University of Victoria just north of the border, and I'll make sure Lucy gets laid while on tour.

About the cum dripping out topic. My ex would complain about cum dripping out of her for days after we had had sex last.

And with the period sex one, I personally don't mind having sex with a girl on her period, but some girls and guys just don't like it. A women's libido can be either really ramped up when she's on her period, or can also be the complete opposite. I've gotten used to seeing a little blood on my dick after period sex, but for someone who's never done it before, it can freak you out just a little :P
Posted by Dcanada on November 7, 2011 at 10:38 AM · Report this
Also, please have Lucy take the question's more seriously. Trivializing some of these calls isn't going to solve anyone's problems.
Posted by Dcanada on November 7, 2011 at 10:45 AM · Report this
I don't hate Lucy either, I'm not offended. It's been nice, but it's enough please. I'm sure she is nice and cool, but I would definitely like to have Dan back on his own.

But also, the humor has become very unfunny! That's a problem when there's a joke every five seconds...
Posted by Listener on November 7, 2011 at 5:14 PM · Report this
Today's installment hasn't been uploaded yet, but I wanted to point out that you've received a lot of thoughtful criticism about Lucy, and that I would be surprised to hear Dan refer to the feedback again as "douchey."

Lucy adds interest to the show by coming across as sexy and by engaging him in flirtatious chemistry. For the record, folks, Lucy has the second biggest cock on the show (second to Dan, of course)! Impressive. It's one way to appeal to listeners, and clearly a lot of people are digging it.

But it all seems very ungrounded to me, which is understandable, I guess, because Dan's travelling the country now, partying with 20-year-olds, and that has to be trippy and stressful. And it's understandable that Dan is grateful to Lucy for helping to keep him sane in the process. She's the face of the demographic the MTV show is after, anyway, which is probably helpful for Dan.

I don't resent Dan and Lucy for enjoying each other's company, for flirting their pants off with each other. Chemistry is chemistry. But you know that really smart friend who started seeing a hot piece of ass and then lost touch with himself and the world for a while? That's what this feels like. I'm not saying that's what this is, but that's what it feels like.

Lucy seems easily grossed out. She's never had sex on her period? Okay, that's her choice. But her obvious discomfort imagining other women doing so feels judgemental. She can kind of understand the dude who won't go down on a lady because (she thinks) he's (legitimately?) afraid of eating another man's splooge? (And Dan jumped on that one and started defending it?) Ridiculousness aside, as another commenter observed, sex-negative much?

"Listen as Lucy learns what a cream pie is." Yeah. Let's tune in week after week to hear Lucy giggling and squealing, scandalized yet again by other people's sex lives. But it's all right, because she's really cool and nice, and despite her personal limits, thinks everyone should do what they want. I get that this is the minimum Dan is asking of the mainstream.

But you don't get there by having someone with mainstream views agreeing with almost everything you say. You get there by giving weight to the reality of unconventional sexualities. And you certainly don't give weight to those realities by being grossed out about them.

I haven't decided if I'll tune in today. The last two shows have been flimsy. I'm not demanding better. I just might check in again when Dan's back in Seattle and the TSARY are in a better position to do quality control.

Keep banging, TSARY.
Posted by gale on November 8, 2011 at 2:56 AM · Report this
One more thing. I don't usually refer to people as hot pieces of ass, and I feel bad for having used the term above. I didn't mean to be mean. Lucy comes across as sexy and cute and cool and nice. She's likeable.

Her presence on the show seems to entail a shuffling of priorities, a changing up of values. That's what I was trying to get at with the friend with a hot piece of ass comment. It's the feeling you get when you've known someone for a long time, and they meet someone new and start changing in a way that betrays what you thought they stood for in the first place.

But maybe it's just me!


Posted by gale on November 8, 2011 at 3:18 AM · Report this
chibby 78
I have to agree with #6 it appalling to see so many negative comments about one of the podcast's guests. I thought she did fine. Pretty funny seeing commentators demanding she be removed from the show considering the podcast is free.Since you guys aren't paying customers Dan can pretty much do whatever he wants,including munching in the mic and having co-eds on the show. I think some people may also be confused on what the word 'guest' means.
Posted by chibby on November 8, 2011 at 1:11 PM · Report this
Lucy is fucking awesome! Don't be a douche!
Posted by fluffyevans on November 8, 2011 at 6:33 PM · Report this
1. I like the positive chemistry that Lucy brings to the podcast.

2. Dan is busy. If having Lucy on the podcast is what gives him the energy to make a podcast at all, he should tell us so and keep her on.

Posted by PodcastFan on November 8, 2011 at 6:42 PM · Report this
And by the way, Dan, we wives who actually fuck their husbands might just resent your continued characterization of Lucy as your "wife" because she doesn't fuck you, does your laundry, etc etc.

Are you intentionally mooring your podcast in the culture of the Tonight Show, circa 1972?
Posted by on_the_spectrum on November 8, 2011 at 7:03 PM · Report this
GoodOmens 82
You and Lucy have amazing podcast chemistry. Keep it up. I love it!
Posted by GoodOmens on November 8, 2011 at 7:30 PM · Report this
Just listened to last week's podcast, and I'm sure Lucy is a swell person- she certainly seems to think you are the best- but it is annoying on the podcast! This is the first time I have ever felt compelled to post a comment. Understandable if you want some company, fine if you are buddies, but take away the microphone- lots of people listen to this, no need to bring it down for everyone!
Posted by no a usual hater on November 9, 2011 at 8:41 PM · Report this
So you got confused with the cum in the hair comment. Women often have long hair. Unless they pull it back while giving oral sex, they can get cum in their hair easily, without the top of their head getting in the way. You missed the boat on that one, and I'm assuming Lucy must have short hair, too?
Posted by texasrockstar on November 11, 2011 at 8:10 PM · Report this
I love Lucy! She's wonderful! But Dan, don't censor her! Why did you have to say that shit in the beginning about her interrupting or "ummm"ing? She was perfect just the way she was! Let her have the freedom to chime in whenever. She's a woman with a wonder point-of-view! Have her on again!
Posted by leroidavy on November 11, 2011 at 10:46 PM · Report this
Type in Creampie in any porn movie website and you'll see that it's does not mean eating out cum!
Posted by Benjammin on November 12, 2011 at 10:57 AM · Report this
I want to echo the folks in the forum writing around The Lucy Review who also thought Dan was way too understanding to the guy who asked a hookup when the last time she had sex was before he could go down on her. I think that question rude as all hell and would have a really hard time not thinking the dude immature, ignorant about women's bodies, sex-phobic or just loathe to go down on women in general.

Having said that, I also thought Dan missed something frustrating about both her and the caller with the period issue. She gave the guy a blow job and left? WTF? If the guy was the douche I'm imagining, great way to reward him! To quote Lauryn Hill, "Baby girl, respect is just a minimum."

And the girl getting "let's hang out' invites cannot simply say that she's busy or, more directly, that she's on her period when she gets an invite? If you're fucking someone, you should be able to achieve a minimal level of honesty in communication. If you cannot say you've got your period to a lover, or even simply saying you cannot "hang out" a given evening, you probably lack the self-esteem and maturity required to be fuckng other people in the first place.

Both of these women's "mousy" and overly-accommodating responses pissed me off. Pussy up, ladies, ffs!
Posted by maddy811 on November 12, 2011 at 3:54 PM · Report this
bella28 88
@65: yeah! @69: boy, you put it best. that cracked me up. mean, but kind of true. and @73: I'm not going to say it isn't possible...but consider that she might have been lying to you and trying to turn you on. Your comment reminds me of a guy I knew who SWORE his girlfriend could have an orgasm from giving him a blowjob. *cough* ahem....sure, yeah. ;)
Posted by bella28 on November 15, 2011 at 1:05 PM · Report this
Sorry... Don't like Lucy on the show. She seems lovely but has nothing to say. Get her off. Pun intended.
Posted by babylon on November 17, 2011 at 9:16 AM · Report this
Yes please oh please do not EAT on air. I am so happy all of you responded to this because when I was listening I thought someone was going to catch themselves in the act.

I can say that I will remember this as one of THE most disgusting things I have ever heard list.

Does anyone know more on Lucy? She sounds H O T
Posted by ZanZbar on November 28, 2011 at 12:49 PM · Report this
Hey Dan, can I ask you to in future spell out websites that you're recommending - especially if the name is something like John Shaw. It took a lot of googling to discover it was John *Shore*. It's a small irritation but you did say '' several times slowly without mentioning the spelling.
Posted by fishboy on December 1, 2011 at 2:12 AM · Report this
I like Lucy's presence on the show. I've been so busy that I got far behind on my podcasts and I'm listening to about 5 in a row. It's shocking to hear the negative comments from people. I believe those people have a problem with change but it's refreshing to have things tossed around a bit. I wish I were at the airport in Queens when Lucy got home.
Posted by lumberjackmac on December 5, 2011 at 9:27 PM · Report this
By the way, sperm can actually hang out for a week or so in the fallopian tubes, waiting on ovulation. I recommend radiolab's episode on sperm if people are curious about this stuff. Not something you're going to run in to in cunnilingus though...
Posted by aspe on January 10, 2012 at 1:53 AM · Report this
Forgive me if someone else has raised this already, but the first thing I thought about the mom's reaction to her son's interest in porn where women "try not to pee and fail"; is it possible that she's misinterpreting "squirting" (i.e., female ejaculation) videos? Just a thought.
Posted by MollyK on February 1, 2012 at 6:37 PM · Report this
I second Bella28's comments, ya'll be hatin. I think Lucy sounds cute and I think she adds an element of fun to the podcast, it's nice to hear them laugh together.
Posted by lulu4u on June 26, 2012 at 6:27 AM · Report this

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