Slog Comments
Honoring the Ground Rules
1
And this is one of the many reasons I am single. The time a boyfriend of mine started laying down those sort of rules for a threeway (BTW, four and five ways are WAY hotter) is the time I am kicking him to the curb.
The hot part of group sex is the randomness of it all.
The hot part of group sex is the randomness of it all.
2
You just asked polyamorists to talk about their lifestyle and you didn't impose a maximum word count? And you're going to actually read all of that? Man, I don't envy you. Whatever you get paid it isn't enough.
4
Oh, for Pete's sake, stop calling emotions arbitrary. They are not. There are very good reasons that someone would think of penetration differently from other kinds of play. To me it feels more invasive and so involves more trust and emotional attachment than other kinds of sex. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that a lot of women feel similarly. If what you're worried about is your husband/boyfriend/whatever being *intimate* with someone else, it's perfectly reasonable to exclude the kinds of sex that feel or look more intimate than others. The only way to claim this is arbitrary is to simply declare, as #1 does, that any limits on your (or your partner's) sexuality are unreasonable. I don't think that's where most of us are at.
5
@4, sorry, if I'm having a three (or more) way I don't want to have to reference the Encyclopedia Britannica for what I can and can't do.
6
I have a lot of mmf threeways with my partner (male-bodied) and he can't fuck the other boy because I SAID SO. Otherwise he gets a spanking :)
7
@5, yes, I'm well aware. Most of us, however, don't think of our partners' wishes as some disembodied, boring collection of rules you need to make the mammoth effort of referencing every now and then.
9
@4: Emotions certainly can be arbitrary, and any rules based on emotions will be subjective and personal rather then universal. I don't think Dan means anything negative when he says "arbitrary", it's more or less a fact that people in general ar arbitrary, emotional and irrational, but that's no reason to disrespect someone because we don't choose how to feel.
@1 and 5: You made me think of an old swedish saying: "Var och en blir salig på sin fason", which roughly translates to "Everyone gets blissful their own way". Basically the swedish way of saying "Whatever floats your boat" :)
@7 I could not have said it better myself.
@1 and 5: You made me think of an old swedish saying: "Var och en blir salig på sin fason", which roughly translates to "Everyone gets blissful their own way". Basically the swedish way of saying "Whatever floats your boat" :)
@7 I could not have said it better myself.
11
I wish I had a more interesting story to share for the collection. "Yep, we have fun fucking other people. [shrug]" isn't much of a read.
12
I hope yesterday's letter writer's asshole husband feels some remorse not just for fucking up his own three-way potential but for a lot of the rest of us as well. That was a textbook illustration of what pre-monogamish people fear is going to happen: something we're expressly not ready for happening right before our eyes and we feel unable to make it stop. Great! I really wish I hadn't read yesterday's column.
13
@12, that's actually a good point. People who are doing something for the first time should, well, realize they're doing it for the first time and be extra careful, because, well, first times have a big screw-up potential. If it does go bad and then they run around saying "it's innatural! it's bad! it's wrong! look, we even screwed it up!", it is not fair for those who did get to do it well.
14
@1 & 5, well, if being single is a better life for you than actually giving a damn about your partner's feelings then I agree with you that everyone is better off. I hope you're loving your freedom and your ex is loving someone who values them as more than an encyclopedia.
15
@1 "Don't stick it in her" hardly seems difficult to remember. Relationships are always about negociating, whether it's about sex or who is doing the dishes or what to have for dinner.
Be single, fine, but don't make out like this is some crazy difficult thing to ask of a partner for the first (or second, or eighth) time engaging in play outside of the marriage.
Be single, fine, but don't make out like this is some crazy difficult thing to ask of a partner for the first (or second, or eighth) time engaging in play outside of the marriage.
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