Savage Love Podcast Comments
Savage Love Episode 281
3
I super love you, Dan; but please, enough with the Santorum scat rehashing. Ok? Googling "santorum" today, your definition and spreadingsantorum.com is WAY down the results page.
Like you said, everybody gets the joke. Lets move on now.
-RWH
Like you said, everybody gets the joke. Lets move on now.
-RWH
5
A note of consolation: "Santorum" is referred to by none other than Simon Winchester within the august pages of March 8, 2012's issue of The New York Review of Books, page 25, first paragraph, as "...a word that could well survive".
6
The first caller about videotaping without her knowledge is a complete asshole. I don't know what he expected Dan to say, considering he was intending to violate someone! Creepy, creepy guy makes me glad I'm off the dating scene!
7
Uhh Dan google didn't change its algorithm. I heard it was anonymous/4 chan who Google bombed urban dictionary's definition of Santorum. Why urban dictionary? I guess because the definition is grosser. Santorum is lucky if 4chan doesn't link his name to goatse
8
Also if Thomas the evil Gay valet from Downton Abbey was featured in the last post then Mr. Boob who loves size H boobs was a total dead aural ringer for Carl the t and a loving neighbor on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I
10
Um, has the first guy ever heard the term registered sex offender? Not only is he a creep, he's dumber than shit.
11
Spreading Santorum still coms up as number 2 result when I google Santorum. (ricksantorum.com is number 1 for me.) I don't even see urban dictionary unless I google santorum urban dictionary.
12
Regarding "marriage" vs. "civil union".
First I am going to preface this with some things about me. I am a straight male, a law student, and hold a wonderful cocktail of religious and philosophical beliefs.
"Marriage" is a religiously loaded word, or at least the Religious Right would like us to believe. And, studying the Constitution I would love to see us, as a nation, divorce the term "marriage" when it comes to the bundle of legal rights we are willing to confer on committed couples (heterosexual in most states for now).
I think it would be an excellent blow for both LGBT rights and for separation between church and state (something all too often forgotten especially by Santorum) and have the legal rights and the religiously significant term 100% separate. Let people apply for "Civil Union" licenses in order to get their tax breaks and visitation rights. Give the Right "marriage" and let them have it. And send a strong message saying that while we tolerate your freedom to practice your religion we do not tolerate the forcing of one group's beliefs on society as a whole.
Further, I think, as the state senator said implicitly, it is much more difficult to argue against a bundle of purely legal rights than to take on such a loaded term.
My answer to DOMA would be to pass another bill, not repealing DOMA, let it stand for all I care, but stating that from now on all Federal rights conferred by "marriage" and to "married couples" will now be conferred to those with "civil unions."
Two birds with one stone.
First I am going to preface this with some things about me. I am a straight male, a law student, and hold a wonderful cocktail of religious and philosophical beliefs.
"Marriage" is a religiously loaded word, or at least the Religious Right would like us to believe. And, studying the Constitution I would love to see us, as a nation, divorce the term "marriage" when it comes to the bundle of legal rights we are willing to confer on committed couples (heterosexual in most states for now).
I think it would be an excellent blow for both LGBT rights and for separation between church and state (something all too often forgotten especially by Santorum) and have the legal rights and the religiously significant term 100% separate. Let people apply for "Civil Union" licenses in order to get their tax breaks and visitation rights. Give the Right "marriage" and let them have it. And send a strong message saying that while we tolerate your freedom to practice your religion we do not tolerate the forcing of one group's beliefs on society as a whole.
Further, I think, as the state senator said implicitly, it is much more difficult to argue against a bundle of purely legal rights than to take on such a loaded term.
My answer to DOMA would be to pass another bill, not repealing DOMA, let it stand for all I care, but stating that from now on all Federal rights conferred by "marriage" and to "married couples" will now be conferred to those with "civil unions."
Two birds with one stone.
13
tip for the jackoff weight watcher: try beating off after doing simple in dorm-room exercises. do 10 pushups, 20 sit-ups and 30 seconds of wall sit or plank. repeat 3 times and the toss one for the gipper!
15
To the guy who wants to like bottoming...
I don't know why Dan is always so quick to jump on the "not everyone likes it" bandwagon. If you want to like it, what you need to do is RELAX, use lots of lube, RELAX, have your partner take it slow, with little to no motion for up to a few minutes until it starts to feel better before ramping it up, and did I mention RELAX.
You can't start out "going to town" like they do in porn. Those guys (1) do it every day for a living and (2) are prepped before the scene is shot.
I don't know why Dan is always so quick to jump on the "not everyone likes it" bandwagon. If you want to like it, what you need to do is RELAX, use lots of lube, RELAX, have your partner take it slow, with little to no motion for up to a few minutes until it starts to feel better before ramping it up, and did I mention RELAX.
You can't start out "going to town" like they do in porn. Those guys (1) do it every day for a living and (2) are prepped before the scene is shot.
16
(Straight white middle-aged female)
Dan,
I am a fan and weekly listener. You offer a lot of savvy advice and the show is entertaining. I don't plan to stop listening. However, when you were talking about New Jersey Governor Christie vetoing the marriage equality bill and said, "they shouldn't have sent it to him covered in frosting," I winced.
You're a man of strongly held beliefs, particularly where the issue of equal rights is concerned. I respect that. But when you turned Christie's veto into a fat joke, you undermined your own credibility as a voice for equality. If you cannot extend the respect and dignity that you demand for yourself to those who oppose you, you don't deserve them.
Granted, you wanted the Governor to sign the bill. He chose not to because he wants the issue to be decided by New Jersey's voters instead of the legislature. Political ploy? Maybe. You could have attacked it from that angle, but instead, like Rush Limbaugh, you made it unnecessarily personal.
You laughingly called yourself "fat phobic." Are you? Why?
C'mon, Dan. You're better than that.
Dan,
I am a fan and weekly listener. You offer a lot of savvy advice and the show is entertaining. I don't plan to stop listening. However, when you were talking about New Jersey Governor Christie vetoing the marriage equality bill and said, "they shouldn't have sent it to him covered in frosting," I winced.
You're a man of strongly held beliefs, particularly where the issue of equal rights is concerned. I respect that. But when you turned Christie's veto into a fat joke, you undermined your own credibility as a voice for equality. If you cannot extend the respect and dignity that you demand for yourself to those who oppose you, you don't deserve them.
Granted, you wanted the Governor to sign the bill. He chose not to because he wants the issue to be decided by New Jersey's voters instead of the legislature. Political ploy? Maybe. You could have attacked it from that angle, but instead, like Rush Limbaugh, you made it unnecessarily personal.
You laughingly called yourself "fat phobic." Are you? Why?
C'mon, Dan. You're better than that.
17
someone help.
dan said that santorum is this generations "VIDCOM QUIZLIN", who? how do you spell that??
dan said that santorum is this generations "VIDCOM QUIZLIN", who? how do you spell that??
18
@ahinds: That's "Vidkun Quisling," whose last name became synonymous with "traitor" during World War II.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vidkun_Quis…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quisling
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vidkun_Quis…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quisling
19
In Norway spreadingsantorum.com still is the first return for santorum google search!!! Hope it continues this way :)
20
I think it's pretty likely that the word will survive, for a while at least. I'm not an American, mind, so I don't pay too much attention to your politics - but it's the first definition to come to mind, and then I think "Oh, yeah, it's that guy's name, too, isn't it?"
23
In response to the guy who is afraid of the gym: get over to nerdfitness.com ASAP. I simply can't recommend it enough, and interestingly, the first page on the site right now is a response to a timid gym-phobe called "Help, I'm Afraid of the Gym!"
The articles on Nerd Fitness really changed my life. Aside from motivation and the support of an awesome community of non-jocks, there is a ton of information on how to work out correctly, which leads to confidence in the gym, which leads to 90% of the awkwardness and "They know I don't belong here" feeling simply vanishing. And the 10% that's left over you won't even notice because you'll be too excited about the changes your body is going through.
Start reading. Then start lifting.
The articles on Nerd Fitness really changed my life. Aside from motivation and the support of an awesome community of non-jocks, there is a ton of information on how to work out correctly, which leads to confidence in the gym, which leads to 90% of the awkwardness and "They know I don't belong here" feeling simply vanishing. And the 10% that's left over you won't even notice because you'll be too excited about the changes your body is going through.
Start reading. Then start lifting.
24
Dan,
I felt like the answers to the young man who called in unable to top but wanting to enjoy bottoming weren't enough. I've been in a similar situation. Sometimes it's about the partner, but a large part of the issue has to do with anxiety about getting it up, which is really fucking difficult to get over. I agree with the commenter who suggests using a lot of lube to start enjoying bottoming, and there's something to be said for finding a guy whose interests fit with yours. But as far as getting [back] into topping goes, there's no real solution. Just wait for the point where you're desiring it so much that it happens. Don't push the point.
For me, my partner's lack of interest in me topping has been a large part of the reason we haven't done it. And that's okay. He's not into it, but I'm into what gets him [and me!] off. I don't think there's a long-term answer here, though. And Dan, I wish you had provided one.
I felt like the answers to the young man who called in unable to top but wanting to enjoy bottoming weren't enough. I've been in a similar situation. Sometimes it's about the partner, but a large part of the issue has to do with anxiety about getting it up, which is really fucking difficult to get over. I agree with the commenter who suggests using a lot of lube to start enjoying bottoming, and there's something to be said for finding a guy whose interests fit with yours. But as far as getting [back] into topping goes, there's no real solution. Just wait for the point where you're desiring it so much that it happens. Don't push the point.
For me, my partner's lack of interest in me topping has been a large part of the reason we haven't done it. And that's okay. He's not into it, but I'm into what gets him [and me!] off. I don't think there's a long-term answer here, though. And Dan, I wish you had provided one.
25
Sorry about the late comment: I'm catching up on old episodes. As far as the caller whose wife is without interest in Sex, I don't share Dan's skepticism about why this is coming up now. I've been married to a woman with no libido for eight years. We are just now seriously facing this issue and admitting that it is a serious problem for our marriage. We have small children (like the caller) and we have been in shared denial for a long time. Finally, this last year, something snapped for me and I realized that I can't live like this forever. I've been blogging about our experiences, at sexlessfather.wordpress.com - and finding that what we're going through is actually extremely common. I wish the caller and his wife the best of luck finding joyful sex in their marriage.
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