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balderdash 1
It's real, but it's probably not what you think it is if you're the kind of person who writes in a mopey question like this to Savage Love.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on March 9, 2012 at 12:53 PM · Report this
in-frequent 2
Fake.
Posted by in-frequent on March 9, 2012 at 12:54 PM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 3
I fake it all the time. Just ask my ex-boy friends
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on March 9, 2012 at 12:55 PM · Report this
4
Love is real, but it takes a long time to learn how to recognize it.
Posted by Both in yourself and in others. on March 9, 2012 at 12:56 PM · Report this
Vince 5
I love a good dump.
Posted by Vince on March 9, 2012 at 1:03 PM · Report this
6
Um. Okay. Is hate "real?"

If you answer yes to that and are still uncertain about the existence of love, I truly pity you.

If you say "no, hate doesn't exist either" then you have Aspergers.

Or are Commander Data.
Posted by tkc on March 9, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
seatackled 7
Only as long as someone plays tennis.
Posted by seatackled on March 9, 2012 at 1:05 PM · Report this
8
Social constructs are entirely real.
Posted by robotslave on March 9, 2012 at 1:08 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 9
Love is a fist.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on March 9, 2012 at 1:16 PM · Report this
10
Sure love is real. It's just not easy.
Posted by ankylosaur on March 9, 2012 at 1:19 PM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 11
Love is real. It is a battlefield.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on March 9, 2012 at 1:21 PM · Report this
12
"Love is staying up all night with a sick child - or a healthy adult." - Sir David Frost
Posted by EricaP on March 9, 2012 at 1:29 PM · Report this
venomlash 13
Dan, the first thing I noticed about your response is that it is also an excellent answer to the question "Is the female orgasm real?".
Posted by venomlash on March 9, 2012 at 1:34 PM · Report this
14
Better answer: It is for me. For you, apparently not.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on March 9, 2012 at 1:39 PM · Report this
15
My love is real - everyone else's, I'm not so sure.
Posted by gloomy gus on March 9, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
16
Yes but romantic love flickers, and the rest is more like a working partnership. I think George Clooney has it right.
Posted by MyNameHere on March 9, 2012 at 1:47 PM · Report this
17
It's real, but that doesn't mean that it is easy or that it lasts forever.
Posted by SherBee on March 9, 2012 at 1:47 PM · Report this
18
Real hard. Real complex. Real demanding. Real worth the work. For real.
Posted by Michael J. Curtiss on March 9, 2012 at 1:48 PM · Report this
19
It's as real as any of your other thoughts.
Posted by Ivan on March 9, 2012 at 1:49 PM · Report this
Fnarf 20
@3, why would your friends who used to be boys have special insight here? Oh.

Love can be real, but when asked like this never is. Love is something you MAKE, not something that flutters down out of the sky on you.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on March 9, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
21
The fun kind flickers, the rest is a working partnership. I think George Clooney has the right idea.
Posted by MyNameHere on March 9, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
Lula 22
As the helpless romantic i am the fact you are asking that question makes me extremely sad. Of course love is real! When you find it you'll know, is it easy? Hell no! but it's worth fighting for more than anything else.
Posted by Lula on March 9, 2012 at 1:52 PM · Report this
BEG 23
@13, I'm sure that was the intended thrust of his comment...
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on March 9, 2012 at 2:08 PM · Report this
24
Real, but probably neither transcendent nor embodied in a deity.
Posted by BABH on March 9, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report this
25
Love is real, but it doesn't last. Not between partners, friends, or family members.
Posted by Moloko101 on March 9, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report this
treacle 26
Love is definitely real. It also takes work, and a commitment every day.
Posted by treacle on March 9, 2012 at 2:22 PM · Report this
John Horstman 27
Hmm... Define "real" and "love". Both words have widely varying uses. Assuming a definition of "real" as in, "The English language is real," (as opposed to, "The chair in which I'm sitting is real.") and "love" as "a desire to make another person happy and well that is strong enough to motivate forgoing one's own happiness and wellness in order to effect the other's", then yes, obviously. Of course, the question is trivial if one actually defines the terms involved, and meaningless if one doesn't, so it's almost certainly intentional trolling...
Posted by John Horstman on March 9, 2012 at 2:23 PM · Report this
debug 28
as real as you can imagine....
Posted by debug on March 9, 2012 at 2:25 PM · Report this
Fortunate 29
Love is real, but to me love has always been as much, if not more, about your actions than your feelings. I think too many people mistake the feelings of lust, infatuation and obsession for love. But love is really the decisions we make every day, and is why I don't think you can really know love until all the intense, wild emotions that come up in a new relationship die down.

Love is what happens years down the road when you wake up for the countless time, look over at the person you have been sharing your life with, and say to yourself, "yes, I still choose to spend my life with this person". That's love, and it is a decision more than anything else. All the rest are just the factors that go into making that decision.
Posted by Fortunate on March 9, 2012 at 2:25 PM · Report this
OuterCow 30
Brain chemistry is real, and I'm pretty sure that covers it.
Posted by OuterCow on March 9, 2012 at 2:29 PM · Report this
Lance Thrustwell 31
Love is a many-splendored thing. I'm sure of it. I'm not sure what kind of thing, and I'm not sure what a "splendor" is, but I'm as sure of it as I am that I made up that expression.
Posted by Lance Thrustwell on March 9, 2012 at 2:29 PM · Report this
32
@31: I'm pretty sure you didn't make up that expression. Or was that the point?
Posted by BABH on March 9, 2012 at 2:37 PM · Report this
33
I'm assuming this person means romantic love (not parent-child, friends, etc.) .

When you are young, love can be easily confused with lust or infatuation. You don't have a lot of experience to contrast it with so you might assume "it's love!" And you get burned and wonder if you can know.

A couple of other comments have said what is true; you create love. It's not a zap from the sky to your heart.

Beyond creating love, you have to nurture it. You have to keep it at the top of your list or it will slowly dissolve. There's no "well, of course, I love you" to your partner.

You also have to expect that love evolves. You will not feel the same about love (or your partner) at 50 as you do at 30. And, life sometimes takes us down roads we don't ask to go and you have to be prepared for those challenges to your love.

But to have someone who knows you, cares about you, supports your personality AND your dreams and still can curl your toes - that's love.

Spoken from someone married for nearly 29 years (to the same person).
Posted by westello on March 9, 2012 at 2:49 PM · Report this
34
@6, I realize that your comment wasn't malicious, but it was a bit ignorant.

I have Asperger's (or, since the diagnosis is getting folded into autism, I'm a high functioning autistic). So is my partner.

We both feel love and hate. Every bit as strongly as you (presumably) do.

We're just often bad at expressing them properly--or reading them properly in others. But if you take the time to get to know us, we can usually work through that.

Sorry for the rant.
Posted by Bluejay Banana on March 9, 2012 at 2:58 PM · Report this
ScienceNerd 35
And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
Posted by ScienceNerd http://stanichium.tumblr.com/ on March 9, 2012 at 3:37 PM · Report this
36
In a chapter where he said there's no real reason to believe there's really such a thing as color (vs the validation of our experiences) Oliver Sacks paraphrased Goethe: optical illusion is optical truth. Or, as Bierce said: I think I think, therefore I think I am.
Posted by Mike Leung on March 9, 2012 at 3:57 PM · Report this
Cephalodude 37
"THIS CONCEPT OF "WUV" CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!"
Posted by Cephalodude on March 9, 2012 at 3:58 PM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 38
Part of me wants to say "No. There is only lust and emotional neediness. Now go back to sleep, sweetie."
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on March 9, 2012 at 4:13 PM · Report this
kim in portland 39
Love is something that is made between people. It is a choice. You choose to love someone when they act unlovable. It lives and grows if you nurture it, and will die from negligence. Love's survivability is dependent on you and your beloveds willingness to compromise and endure the unloveliness of life and the unlovliness that resides within you both. I don't think it is immortal, but it can live beyond death in the memories of those who thought you a special treasure.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on March 9, 2012 at 4:27 PM · Report this
40
Of course love is real.

What other reason is there for the miserable bullshit and painful circumstance that people subject themselves to? I wasn't kidding when I wrote about telling my kids to explore being "in like". Love is an overwhelming experience (potentially) when you're young, and being nice doesn't have to be a part of the entry fee.

OTOH, falling in love with someone (my wife) again and again, over the course of decades, defines a big part of my life. I have been incredibly lucky (and I tell myself this again and again and again) to find what I have, and many times I've woken in terror at it's loss. Love is fulfilling, or overwhelming. Love comes in big chunks, and the little intimacies shared at night and in the harsh exposure of daylight.

If love isn't real, then what am I?

Peace.
Posted by Married in MA on March 9, 2012 at 4:32 PM · Report this
J-Haxx 41
yes but it is not static....I've been with the same partner for 25 years, and I am still figuring out what love is all about - good luck!
Posted by J-Haxx http://defyaugury.livejournal.com on March 9, 2012 at 5:00 PM · Report this
42
@34 No worries and don't be sorry. I did not mean to offend. I will look for a different turn of phrase next time.
Posted by tkc on March 9, 2012 at 5:19 PM · Report this
43
Love is all there is. I mean that quite literally. It courses through our veins, and through every plant, animal and star. It is the beginning and the end of the universe. It is something we can tap into, but never own. And if you have it you are the luckiest person alive. Nurture and hold o to love like your life depends on it, because it does. And do not hoard it -- give it away with every opportunity, and it will come back to tou in untold amounts. Always keep love at the top of your list, and everything else will fall into place.
Posted by Robroberts on March 9, 2012 at 5:53 PM · Report this
Fnarf 44
You can't hurry love. You'll just have to wait. Love don't come easy. It's a game of give and take.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on March 9, 2012 at 6:11 PM · Report this
45
One in the spirit of Savage Love:

"Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin; it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring."
-- S.J. Perelman
Posted by Jana on March 9, 2012 at 10:07 PM · Report this
Cynic Romantic 46
If you have to ask,, probably not.
Posted by Cynic Romantic on March 9, 2012 at 11:04 PM · Report this
47
@45 That's awesome.
Posted by floater on March 10, 2012 at 12:28 AM · Report this
venomlash 48
@37: LOVE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. GOODNIGHT!
Posted by venomlash on March 10, 2012 at 4:34 AM · Report this
49
Love is easy. Relationships are hard.
Posted by mizmojo on March 10, 2012 at 5:11 AM · Report this
AFinch 50
@4, @30 & @41 have it. Particularly @41. It starts with oxytocin-induced (brain chemistry) crazy, which is the drug-induced stupor needed to get a person to spend enough time with another person to fall in love in a deeper way. Don't expect that brain chemistry stuff to last.
Posted by AFinch on March 10, 2012 at 7:25 AM · Report this
seandr 51
No, love is surreal.
Posted by seandr on March 10, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this
mtnlion 52
Love is the simplest thing I've ever been a part of.
Posted by mtnlion on March 10, 2012 at 6:56 PM · Report this
53
Love is like a door that opens in you and you didn't know was there, a door through which you see a new universe present in human form. Love is a decision to explore this new universe in human form that seems to enticing and attractive, and to allow it to explore us as the universe we also are. For as long as the universe(s) last.

No, actually, love is not that. Not just that. It's a changing thing that looks different every time you think you have it. Married in MA above ('falling in love again and again with my wife'); Kim in Portland ('it survives if you nurture it, it dies if you neglect it'); Fortunate ('love is a decision'); westello ('you create love'). Indeed.
Posted by ankylosaur on March 10, 2012 at 7:29 PM · Report this
54
Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.

--Harlan Ellison
Posted by Daddy Todd on March 10, 2012 at 10:40 PM · Report this
55
Love
Is just a simple thought
A little bit the worse for wear
Like a thief who got
Caught

Hope
Is just a thing you bought
It's just another safe white lie
That everybody got
Taught

—Kristian Hoffman
Posted by GasparFagel on March 11, 2012 at 7:20 AM · Report this
56
Judging by the universality of its adherents, love is more real than god.
Posted by beccoid on March 11, 2012 at 11:29 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 57
Love is real & wonderful, but looking for it shouldn't define us utterly. I have single pals who are open to love, but who also have rich lives on their own. They have love of friends, family & love of themselves, their own company & pursuits. I sometimes feel frustrated when people who have a solo household are judged somehow as lesser or wanting. One should have a healthy love of self, to which adding love of a special someone would be great, but not the "you complete me" BS of fairytales & rom-coms.

When I'm single, like anyone else, I hate the breakup part but then revel fully in being single, in love with life & self & opportunities. When encoupled (or triad'd, whatever), I live that fully too, & enjoy the adventures that brings.

Being open to love with another, & the compromises & communication to sustain it over time = great. (& I agree w/ what Kim in Portland said about that.) But grabbing life hard & living the hell out of it is just as pure & meaningful, a love of life itself.
Posted by Eva Hopkins http://www.lunamusestudios.com on March 12, 2012 at 12:29 AM · Report this
58
@57 Eva,

Yes, you're correct. The opposite of Love is indifference. A stale, bleak life as a couple* is never going to be better than a vibrant one as a single, no matter what we're told. Someone that doesn't find a partner is no less, or more, of a person.

*Unless that is the life they wholeheartedly prefer. A dynamic, evolving relationship between asexuals is a good thing if that is their preference. Just because we don't want that kind of life doesn't automatically render someone else's choice moot.

Peace.
Posted by Married in MA on March 12, 2012 at 8:23 AM · Report this
59
You know, the responses to this question are truly beautiful.
Posted by Neep on March 12, 2012 at 10:17 AM · Report this
60
I don't know. But I'm choosing to act as though it is.
Posted by Kristen on March 12, 2012 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Geni 61
Love hurts. Love scars. Love wounds and mars any heart not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain.

But it's sometimes the main thing that makes life worth living. ;-)
Posted by Geni on March 12, 2012 at 3:34 PM · Report this

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