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ArtBasketSara 1
Too vague, too cyrptic, too mysterious! What DOES it mean?! What is this "single thread"? This ""Mormon""? Do they mean Obama? I bet it's Obama.
Posted by ArtBasketSara on November 4, 2012 at 7:17 AM · Report this
That's a threat.

Last Slog Mormon Study post! Thanks, Goldy, for wading through the muck of their terrible writing for us. By this time next week, Mitt Romney will be just a memory. (Hopefully.)
Posted by floater on November 4, 2012 at 7:30 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 3
Give me liberty or give me Mormon Elders. I'll be sneaking into Canada before that happens. Besides, the Catholic pope runs America.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on November 4, 2012 at 7:47 AM · Report this
Dr_Awesome 4
Did that fraud really put ironic quotes around the word Mormon?

Jeebus, I want to smack every Mormon in the face, now.
Posted by Dr_Awesome on November 4, 2012 at 7:48 AM · Report this
Dr_Awesome 5
P.s. by 'that fraud' I am referring to Joseph Smith in case it wasn't clear. It is early and I have not had enough coffee. Except it's Sunday so I should be drinking mimosas. And smacking Mormons in the face for believing that crap.
Posted by Dr_Awesome on November 4, 2012 at 7:50 AM · Report this
NotSean 6
But you and I,
we've been through that
And this is not our fate

So let us not talk falsely now
The hour is getting late
Posted by NotSean on November 4, 2012 at 7:56 AM · Report this
Now I feel like we've been set up these last few months just for this single passage. Not worth the pain.
Posted by Nate Dogg on November 4, 2012 at 8:00 AM · Report this
camlux 8
The Mormons and the Taliban are separated only by a few beards.
Posted by camlux on November 4, 2012 at 8:11 AM · Report this
Tacoma Traveler 9
When they US Constitution hangs by a single thread, they will have to call for the seamstresses to re-stitich it, thereby saving it from being resold at Value Village. And they will step forth and sew it.
Posted by Tacoma Traveler on November 4, 2012 at 8:14 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 10
"Yeah, well, when their stupid monogamous country goes tits-up, they'll come begging us to fix their shit for them. And we'll help them, because we're humble and good like that. Then they'll be sorry they ever chased us out of town."
Posted by MacCrocodile on November 4, 2012 at 8:19 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 11
It's nice and all, but I prefer the Oath of Vengeance

""You and each of you do covenant and promise that you will pray and never cease to pray to Almighty God to avenge the blood of the prophets upon this nation, and that you will teach the same to your children and to your children's children unto the third and fourth generation."

You know, Mitt is probably fourth generation away from Nauvoo, where the Oath was originated as a way to never forget the US "murder" of Joseph Smith. Coincidence.......or CONSPIRACY? Is the the culmination of some LDS plot to finally destroy the US?!?!!??

Probably not, but it's fun to talk about. I wonder why it hasn't gotten any traction among the nutcases. Probably because they tend not to read.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on November 4, 2012 at 8:31 AM · Report this
Gay Dude for Romney 12
@3: One does not need the adjective 'Catholic' to modify the noun 'Pope'.
And he doesn't run America.
Posted by Gay Dude for Romney on November 4, 2012 at 8:37 AM · Report this
Tacoma Traveler 13

The head of the Coptic Church is also called a Pope. He is not Catholic.

Posted by Tacoma Traveler on November 4, 2012 at 8:40 AM · Report this
Where was Willard when the Patriot Act was being deliberated? We could have used some Mormon Elders back then.
Posted by Why are there cars? on November 4, 2012 at 8:45 AM · Report this
bedipped 15
And the "Mormon" elders responded by providing such a repugnant example of wretched inhumanity as an opposition candidate that they assured Obama would win, thus saving the Constitution. Thanks Mormons!
Posted by bedipped on November 4, 2012 at 8:58 AM · Report this
seandr 16
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof"

I propose a slight change to the 1st amendment - how about we strike that bit after the comma?

Posted by seandr on November 4, 2012 at 9:02 AM · Report this
If I'm not mistaken this is from the "White Horse" Prophecy.
Posted by kevin11 on November 4, 2012 at 9:22 AM · Report this
sheiler 18
Does anyone else but me think 'LSD' when seeing 'LDS' Mormonry?
Posted by sheiler on November 4, 2012 at 9:25 AM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 19
hey goldy.. now that we're done with this, what's up next, the koran ? the upanishads ? dianetics ?
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on November 4, 2012 at 9:50 AM · Report this
Paul Constant 21
"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll look down and whisper 'No.'"
Posted by Paul Constant http:// on November 4, 2012 at 10:10 AM · Report this
Norbeck 22
@3 Shrivel like a salted slug.

@ Riz - oh oh oh I vote for dianetics!
Posted by Norbeck on November 4, 2012 at 10:11 AM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 23
I'm with @22. I think we should do Dianetics next. That would be hilarious. Plus, it would probably double your clicks from the crazies and trolls.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on November 4, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Goldy 24
@19 @22 @23 That would require me reading Dianetics. Have some mercy.
Posted by Goldy on November 4, 2012 at 11:29 AM · Report this
Translation: "I love engaging in self-aggrandizing wishful thinking. It makes me come harder when I fuck my youngest wife."
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on November 4, 2012 at 11:36 AM · Report this
No, let's do the gnostic gospels and all the other bits that almost made the bible or first made it but then got scraped over time for being inconvenient.
Posted by dutchie on November 4, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
@18: Nope, I see that every single time. "Huh? Oh."
Posted by MLM on November 4, 2012 at 11:45 AM · Report this
Fnarf 28
Besides, the fun stuff in Scientology isn't in Dianetics, which is deadly dull self-help claptrap. The goodies are in the private documents you're supposed to pay millions of dollars to see.
Posted by Fnarf on November 4, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
Zotz 29
Read today's study verse, then watch this clip and share it with everyone you know.

The video was running on a commercial break during a Rmoney interview at an Iowa radio station in 2007...…
Posted by Zotz on November 4, 2012 at 12:39 PM · Report this
#5 - I'm pretty sure this wasn't authored by Joseph Smith. Probably Brigham Young, seeing as how his name's right there.
Posted by catsnbanjos on November 4, 2012 at 12:54 PM · Report this
Soupytwist 31
@28 - Used bookstores are treasure troves of Scientology material.
Posted by Soupytwist on November 4, 2012 at 1:21 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 32
Like how they saved the Constitution from the Equal Rights Amendment by nailing its coffin door shut! Can't have anything or anyone interfering with the procurement of 14-year-old brides, can we? Can't have women having any alternative choices other than blowing out 11 kids in complete disregard of the Earth's limited resources.

I know, let's overpopulate the Earth so that we'll have a large family in Mormon heaven!

If Romney fails to get 270 electoral votes on Tuesday, I wouldn't be a bit surprised to see another Mormon run in 2016. Huntsman, maybe? The pundits won't conclude that a Mormon can't be president. On the contrary, they'll think that door is now open

But I'm putting the cart before the horse. Let's see what happens on Tuesday. I'm very nervous.
Posted by Bauhaus I on November 4, 2012 at 3:05 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 33
I saw two guys dressed up as mormon missionaries for Halloween.

They had the typical ultra-conservative-yet-dirt-cheap suits, "elder" nametags, bicycle helmets, and mormon bibles.

They also had liquor bottles, beer cans, starbucks cups, cigarettes, and porn mags conveniently noticeable in their backpacks and on their persons.

Very nice!

(P.S. Yeah, I asked if they were costumes and they said yes... I guess they could have been lying though, seeing as how they'd have been breaking all the other rules anyway)
Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 4, 2012 at 3:08 PM · Report this
Pridge Wessea 34
@12 - Oh hey collaborationist maggot, fuck you!
Posted by Pridge Wessea on November 4, 2012 at 4:40 PM · Report this
gr8lakesgrrl 35
But Romney? Why not Huntsman? That would have been a much better fight.
Posted by gr8lakesgrrl on November 5, 2012 at 1:16 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 36
@35- I think this explains why The Huntsman isn't an option:…
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings on November 7, 2012 at 12:29 PM · Report this

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