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sissoucat 1
I wonder how their encounter went ?

I've had a HIV+ boyfriend back in the day. He told me he was positive way before, and I trusted him all the way to take every step possible to protect me (he was older and way more experienced) and he did. Condoms, no shared toothbrush, no kiss if he'd hurt his gums, and if there had been oral sex we would have done that with condoms too I guess, but there wasn't. I was still nervous, but he was too, he was very attentive about not contaminating me. The relationship didn't last long for other reasons, but I still remember him fondly. He taught me safer sex.
Posted by sissoucat on November 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 2
I hope the BF ended it before it started. Sex with everyone terrified is no sex at all, for either party.
Dan is using scare tactics to make a point, but really- blow jobs and HIV infection? Lightening striking has better odds. If the guy's that scared, HE should be the one to call it off- do them both a favor.
Posted by OutInBumF on November 9, 2012 at 3:23 PM · Report this
I'm gay but it is absolutely horrifying that there are actual gay guys out there so idiotic and brainwashed that they would actually even consider sleeping with an HIV+ guys let alone have such a despicable, spineless, apologetic attitude.

Dan should have come much harder on this guy but I have a feeling Dan and his ilk are to blame for some gays having such outrageously permissive and irresponsible attitudes.

Posted by Falcor on November 9, 2012 at 3:57 PM · Report this
@3. Wow. Dan struck me as very sensible in his response--if anything, he was particularly cautionary, which is appropriate in my view.

Your vitriolic absolutism is fine--for you. You seem like the gay version of 'abstinence only' sex ed, however, whereas the advice Dan dispensed in this case is much more analogous to comprehensive sex ed.

In the real world, comprehensive sex education is proven to be more effective than abstinence-only, by the way, if you judge things by pregnancy rates, abortion rates, STI-rates, and on and on.
Posted by Functional Atheist on November 9, 2012 at 7:39 PM · Report this
Unregistered comment is right, this is the kind of mentality that makes gays look disgusting.

If someone is fucking HIV+ forget about him and inform everyone you know.
Goddamnit, no wonder gays are disproportionately afflicted with STDs with an attitude this letter writer displayed.

Absolutely disgusting and bizarre.
Posted by Falcor on November 9, 2012 at 9:51 PM · Report this
persimmon 7
@3, 5, and 6: Grow up.
Posted by persimmon on November 9, 2012 at 10:21 PM · Report this
To be honest I could not see myself having an ongoing committed relationship with someone who was HIV positive. This is not something I am particularly proud of but I think all the ongoing stress about not becoming infected would be beyond me.
Posted by Andrewl on November 10, 2012 at 12:25 AM · Report this
Pridge Wessea 9
Just for context on Falcor:
"I'm gay and not a virgin but haven't had sex in 8 years and never had a boyfriend."

Gee, I wonder why.

Posted by Pridge Wessea on November 10, 2012 at 12:42 AM · Report this
OutInBumF 10
@3,6- Yes- it's really a good thing that you're so petrified of sex (8 years!); no need to foist that fear on anyone else.
Posted by OutInBumF on November 10, 2012 at 4:25 PM · Report this
Dear Dan,

I recognize that the original letter ran almost five years ago, but it would have been nice to update your otherwise excellent advice with a reminder that HIV-negative people with HIV+ partners should be aware of and have access to post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) in case of condom failure or other high risk exposure. PEP is highly effective in preventing HIV transmission if it is started as soon as possible after exposure (these are the same antiretroviral drugs given to rape survivors and healthcare workers who experience a needle-stick or other occupational exposure). The LW's new boyfriend's doctor (or nurse-practitioner or PA) could probably prescribe a starter pack.

You might have also mentioned that pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is now also available although I know you have concerns about this HIV prevention approach.
Posted by KN on November 12, 2012 at 9:05 AM · Report this

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