Slog Comments
SL Letter of the Day: All Men Do It
3
I'll never understand the mindset behind asking your significant other to delete their porn stash. Masturbation has been a thing longer than the Internet, video, written language, stone carvings, or homo sapiens have been in existence.
5
@3 who are we to judge what couples agree to? The problem is the number of people who agree to something then lie about it-- this gives people a false sense of reality, and gives their partners strong incentive to lie. Porn users need to be out about it and porn opposers need to have realistic expectations, and partners need to be honest and realistic with each other.
6
I really, really wish these re-prints of old letters came with an update. I'll bet she has a 3.5 year-old now.
7
I'll also wager they broke up in 2009. And the kid has zero relationship with dad. And she's never seen a child-support check.
8
This is here-say, of course, but I take issue with "he wanted a family" so he had six children with three wives (and how many girlfriends?). Guys who want "a" family usually want one family. I realize there are men out there who want more than one family - but that isn't the same thing as wanting "a" family unless, I suppose, everybody is under one roof.
Let's not confuse men who want a family with guys who want to populate the Earth or guys who define their masculinity by having as many children as possible with a perennially pregnant woman by their side.
Let's not confuse men who want a family with guys who want to populate the Earth or guys who define their masculinity by having as many children as possible with a perennially pregnant woman by their side.
11
KTBC-- You're 24 or 25 by now, old enough to understand a few things about human nature. Did he con you into getting pregnant, and are you stuck w/ his kid now that he has inevitably disappeared from your life to troll other teenagers and just-stopped-being teenagers? Or did you take his advice and get out, freeing yourself? Write Dan again, I'm sure he'd be happy to let his Slog readers know.
12
@5 "Porn users need to be out about it and porn opposers need to have realistic expectations, and partners need to be honest and realistic with each other."
Are you sure about that?
I am under the distinct impression that porn falls under the "polite fiction" umbrella, wherein your family always pick out lovely gifts, no one gains weight and there is no such thing as an ugly sweater.
Are you sure about that?
I am under the distinct impression that porn falls under the "polite fiction" umbrella, wherein your family always pick out lovely gifts, no one gains weight and there is no such thing as an ugly sweater.
13
@5 Who are we to judge?
We're the commenters. We're supposed to have opinions and judgements otherwise this would get dull quick.
When someone writes Dan a letter exposing their relationship's inner workings then they are tacitly agreeing to let us, the peanut gallery, also have a go.
Besides, the letter writers are kept anonymous do not have to look at the comments. It's a victimless crime to judge them from way over here.
We're the commenters. We're supposed to have opinions and judgements otherwise this would get dull quick.
When someone writes Dan a letter exposing their relationship's inner workings then they are tacitly agreeing to let us, the peanut gallery, also have a go.
Besides, the letter writers are kept anonymous do not have to look at the comments. It's a victimless crime to judge them from way over here.
14
@2 - Another 20-year-old who is still learning how relationships work in the real world, instead of in fantasies. 20-year-olds of all genders go through it.
15
I feel insecure because he has had a MILLION experiences and I have not. So I asked him to take his porn off our computer.
Is it me, or is that a crazy non sequitur?
The addition of private browsing must be saving hundreds of relationships a year.
16
This was a great response by Dan. He cut to the heart of the problem "This guy is toxic" while addressing her own insanity both in terms of enabling that man and having unrealistic attitudes toward porn.
Like other commenters I usually dwell on the times where I disagree in some way with Dan. His really great responses like this one deserve some comments as well.
Like other commenters I usually dwell on the times where I disagree in some way with Dan. His really great responses like this one deserve some comments as well.
17
@ 13, especially years after the fact. Does anyone know if the letter writers are contacted with the info that their old letters are being run on SLOG again? I would bet not. I would sooner bet that most of the email addresses aren't valid anymore.
18
@15: "Is it me, or is that a crazy non sequitur?"
Absolutely not. It indicates that she's insecure as hell.
Absolutely not. It indicates that she's insecure as hell.
19
Still a, "Oh honey, thanks for clearing the browser history but could you not leave your lube right next to the computer? Thank you SO much" might be in order. All men might look at porn, but not all men have to be obvious about it.
22
I know statistically being 30 with three marriages behind you is a bad sign, but it's not a disaster. My aunt married, at 24, a guy who was 29 and had three broken marriages behind him. They celebrated 40 years this past July. Sometimes those earlier relationships were mistakes and learning experiences and everything works out.
I'd be highly suspicious if the guy were showing signs of being a sociopath or a creep, but masturbating to porn? Normal. He's just doing what so many guys do—promising not to watch porn, falsely, because it's the polite fiction a woman wants. His crime is not covering up well.
I'd be highly suspicious if the guy were showing signs of being a sociopath or a creep, but masturbating to porn? Normal. He's just doing what so many guys do—promising not to watch porn, falsely, because it's the polite fiction a woman wants. His crime is not covering up well.
24
The most telling thing about a 30-year-old guy who wants to date 20-year-old girls is that he is a 30-year-old guy who wants to date 20-year-old girls. Being 30 now, I can tell you for damn sure that I would not put up with a 20-year-old's bullshit. Anyone who would is suspect in my eyes. What are you up to? It can't be anything good.
26
@25: Yeeeeaaaaah. Because "All the women I dated in the past turned out to be insecure, controlling bitches" isn't a red flag with flashing dancing robots on it.
27
@26 I don't recall saying that choosing insecure control-freaks as partners was something positive. My point is just that in all likelihood, his current girlfriend fits the same bill as his 3 previous wives. Sarcasm is a poor substitute for an interesting point.
28
@27: And here I hoped your post at 25 was intended as sarcasm.
Let me put this another way: a guy who tells you that all of his past girlfriends turned out to be insecure controlling bitches is warning you that that'll be your label in a short while.
Let me put this another way: a guy who tells you that all of his past girlfriends turned out to be insecure controlling bitches is warning you that that'll be your label in a short while.
29
@28: Especially when you already fit the description, as this letter writer does in spades.
BTW, where did the proposition state that he was _telling_ anybody that? It is possible to be a lousy chooser of mates and never even realize it, you know.
BTW, where did the proposition state that he was _telling_ anybody that? It is possible to be a lousy chooser of mates and never even realize it, you know.
31
To the LW: "He's been married three times and has six children from a variety of women. I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he's one of those guys who wanted a family." -- DTMFA
To the boyfriend: "I know it's unrealistic to expect him never to masturbate. I just don't want him looking at other girls while he does." -- DTMFA
To the boyfriend: "I know it's unrealistic to expect him never to masturbate. I just don't want him looking at other girls while he does." -- DTMFA
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