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1
The LORD is kind of a DICK
Posted by Transient Gadfly on December 23, 2012 at 6:22 AM · Report this
imbecile 2
But he loves you!
Posted by imbecile on December 23, 2012 at 6:47 AM · Report this
rob! 3
Timesaver: the Good News Translation? No better, really.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on December 23, 2012 at 7:03 AM · Report this
4
Other side effects of The LORD include: excessive homophobia, persecution paranoia, and rampant hypocrisy. If any of these symptoms persist longer than four hours, stop taking The LORD immediately and consult your meta-physician.
Posted by rainbird on December 23, 2012 at 7:22 AM · Report this
5
This is really quite tiresome.
Posted by silvertears on December 23, 2012 at 7:39 AM · Report this
6
Mildew. The frosting on the Lord's smiting cupcake.
Posted by LuisitaPhD on December 23, 2012 at 7:41 AM · Report this
Puty 7
@rainbird: if only bibles had a warning label like that.
Posted by Puty on December 23, 2012 at 7:49 AM · Report this
8
What an asshole.
Posted by madcap on December 23, 2012 at 7:54 AM · Report this
9
@silvertears: if only bibles had a warning label like that.
Posted by madcap on December 23, 2012 at 7:56 AM · Report this
10
Mildew?
Posted by tacomagirl on December 23, 2012 at 8:09 AM · Report this
11
OK, LORD, I promise I won't go back to Club Z. Really. honest . well, maybe not
Posted by pat L on December 23, 2012 at 8:10 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 12
"I am God! All powerful, but insecure! Worship, love, and fear me or die painful deaths and burn for ever!"

Who wouldn't want to be in that religion?
Posted by Rob in Baltimore http://www.wishbookweb.com/ on December 23, 2012 at 8:14 AM · Report this
BearNecessity 13
This sounds like the flu combined with the clap. Not pleasant, but I'm unimpressed. God can do better.
Posted by BearNecessity on December 23, 2012 at 8:20 AM · Report this
NotSean 14
The translation is a little off. It's one of my greatest pet-peeves and I kinda figured it would end up here eventually.

If we go back to earlier texts from which today's Bible has been assembled, it was quite clearly written as 'dust bunnies' and not 'mildew'. Think about it: mildew doesn't even make sense.
Posted by NotSean on December 23, 2012 at 8:25 AM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 15
14 comments in and this is already my favorite SBS ever.
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on December 23, 2012 at 8:34 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 16
Mildew!?! The Lord didn't count on Scrubbing Bubbles(TM).
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 23, 2012 at 8:46 AM · Report this
Farbe 17
Don't underestimate mildew! Especially in this part of the country.
Posted by Farbe on December 23, 2012 at 9:17 AM · Report this
Tacoma Traveler 18
Mildew?????
Posted by Tacoma Traveler on December 23, 2012 at 9:26 AM · Report this
RainMan 19
Mildew in a desert in the Middle East?
Posted by RainMan on December 23, 2012 at 9:28 AM · Report this
Max Solomon 20
but he's changed since then! he's the god of love now. having kids mellowed him out.
Posted by Max Solomon on December 23, 2012 at 9:32 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 21
20, That, or he started taking his meds.
Posted by Rob in Baltimore http://www.wishbookweb.com/ on December 23, 2012 at 9:57 AM · Report this
22
"Praise the Lord, hallelujah, my friends! for Jesus will make you itch like nobody’s business."
Posted by JenV on December 23, 2012 at 10:19 AM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 23
Sounds like neither your kitchen nor your asscrack are going to be presentable for company once the LORD is done with them.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on December 23, 2012 at 10:49 AM · Report this
24
13

he will.
Posted by the Next Gay Plague on December 23, 2012 at 11:01 AM · Report this
25
Jesus is a biscuit, so sop him up!
Posted by Katheadbiscuit on December 23, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
26
No wonder he threw his pansy kid out of the house.
Posted by Lea on December 23, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
dirac 27
Merry Christmas heathens! Jeremiah 10:2-4: "Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not." (KJV)
Posted by dirac on December 23, 2012 at 11:55 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 28
The lord will smite thee with a burning sensation.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on December 23, 2012 at 1:42 PM · Report this
Chef Thunder 29
Please please nominate Dirac #27 for gold star comment of the day.
Posted by Chef Thunder on December 23, 2012 at 5:50 PM · Report this
30
Am I the only one here who's old enough to hear Vincent Price saying "Mildew" in the back of my mind?
Posted by Calpete on December 23, 2012 at 7:03 PM · Report this
31
Gracias por sus estudios de la biblia sagrada, pero all praise to your (res)erection.
Posted by Juan Alfredo on December 23, 2012 at 7:32 PM · Report this
treacle 32
Oh, to be smote with mildew... you were lucky!
Posted by treacle on December 23, 2012 at 7:35 PM · Report this
33
Lemme see here ... I haven't been smit with the consumption (unless over-consumption counts) ... had the fever ... had the inflammation ... had the extreme burning ... not the sword ... no blasting (wait, did they even have blasting in those days???) ... had my share of mildew and/or dust bunnies, which I'm sure shall pursue me to the end of my days.

Not a bad bargain, overall, in trade for the eating of the bacon-wrapped scallops, or whatever else I did to deserve all this.
Posted by RonK, Seattle on December 24, 2012 at 7:34 AM · Report this
34
OH NO NOT MILDEW
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on December 25, 2012 at 11:50 AM · Report this

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