Slog Comments
SL Letter of the Day: Someone Missed the Cougar Meme
2
I was bored of this before the end of the letter. Obviously, her and the mom are hot. This a small 'c' Dinah and Lindsay story.
3
That FB message isn't humiliating at all. She asked him how it was going. Yes, it's an obvious lead-in to something flirtier and eventually making a pass/invitation at/to him. So what?
This just strikes me as that ridiculous angsty grossness kids get about their parents having a sexuality. It's useful to prevent incest, I suppose, but it's socially awkward and pretty fucking insensitive. Her mom has a right to make polite approaches to whatever adults she wants to make approaches to. If she sent Mr. Hot one text and nothing else, then she's well within the realm of polite to my eye.
This just strikes me as that ridiculous angsty grossness kids get about their parents having a sexuality. It's useful to prevent incest, I suppose, but it's socially awkward and pretty fucking insensitive. Her mom has a right to make polite approaches to whatever adults she wants to make approaches to. If she sent Mr. Hot one text and nothing else, then she's well within the realm of polite to my eye.
5
Wait! There's another option: Get back at your mom by dating a much older guy. Ha! That'll teach her!
I can help you out here too...
I can help you out here too...
6
MMMOMWhatthefuckever-- You know you're an immature brat, right? That you felt your Mom's sex life is your personal responsibility, thus forgiving invading her privacy, just so you could throw it back in her face, right?
You have an amazing career ahead of you as a Catholic Priest or Evangelical Preacher. As a decent human being & mature adult, well.... that'll take some work.
You have an amazing career ahead of you as a Catholic Priest or Evangelical Preacher. As a decent human being & mature adult, well.... that'll take some work.
7
I suppose the Useful Moral is that there are quite enough people on the planet to pursue without choosing any of one's child's exes.
This feels more like a case for Dr McGraw than Mr Savage. But I do agree with Mr S that the LW is wasting a winning hand.
This feels more like a case for Dr McGraw than Mr Savage. But I do agree with Mr S that the LW is wasting a winning hand.
8
True fact: many middle-aged people find younger people attractive. Shocking, I know.
Sure, it's a bit crass for her to hit on your ex, but he was, after all, your ex, not someone you were dating at the time. That aside, this all sounds like a whole lot of manufactured drama over nothing.
Sure, it's a bit crass for her to hit on your ex, but he was, after all, your ex, not someone you were dating at the time. That aside, this all sounds like a whole lot of manufactured drama over nothing.
9
Contrary to popular belief, there is no little mechanism in the female tonsils that plants a flag on a guy's tongue during the makeout process. So her mom sent a text. It's not like she had sex with her daughter's ex (or current).
10
Plus she wasn't even dating the guy exclusively. Since when do you get to act possessive of a fuck buddy?
12
I'm a bad man for hoping Mom actually fucked Mr Hot while the daughter was dating him and the message was about rekindling that liaison. Not because its hot for him or mom. But to give the daughter something to be pissed over.
13
I've got a bushel basket full of wrongs my parents committed- affairs, divorces and re-marriages (several times)- you name it. But their sex life is their business, not mine. This person needs to learn the la-la-la-la-la song re: her mom's business and get a life of her own. Sheesh.
All in all, a rather dull SLLOTD, but better than the rehash we've been getting for months. Congrats on the book, Dan. Can hardly wait to read it.
All in all, a rather dull SLLOTD, but better than the rehash we've been getting for months. Congrats on the book, Dan. Can hardly wait to read it.
14
He is an ex-temporary hookup buddy from years earlier, who was her brother's friend, not hers. Sheesh.
Yeah, not the best person for mom to flirt with, but not worth anywhere near the level of anger and being creeped out LW is exhibiting. Who cares? Given what Cougarmama knew at the time, and her inability to predict this guy would later show some renewed interest in LW and that he would find it somehow important to tell LW about that old text, not totally outrageous. Dd she know daughter had a few hookups with this dude, or did she remember him as her son's friend?
Granted the text is nauseating with its u and ur, but whatever.
Dan's advice is spot on - ignore it, move on, and grow up. Or, if it triggered lingering resentment over your mom's hookups vis-a-vis her parenting skills, as opposed to mere resentment that she was eating out of your dog dish, discuss it with her like a goddamn adult, not "throw it in her face" as the opening gambit in a "massive fight".
Yeah, not the best person for mom to flirt with, but not worth anywhere near the level of anger and being creeped out LW is exhibiting. Who cares? Given what Cougarmama knew at the time, and her inability to predict this guy would later show some renewed interest in LW and that he would find it somehow important to tell LW about that old text, not totally outrageous. Dd she know daughter had a few hookups with this dude, or did she remember him as her son's friend?
Granted the text is nauseating with its u and ur, but whatever.
Dan's advice is spot on - ignore it, move on, and grow up. Or, if it triggered lingering resentment over your mom's hookups vis-a-vis her parenting skills, as opposed to mere resentment that she was eating out of your dog dish, discuss it with her like a goddamn adult, not "throw it in her face" as the opening gambit in a "massive fight".
15
The mom didn't do anything wrong. Weird that the LW feels some kind of ownership over a dude who she never technically dated and who wound up being kind of a dick, in her own words. She needs to get over it.
16
@12 I'm a bad man too for hoping he was the brother's bisexual hookup buddy first, which would put sister on the same moral ground as her mother.
17
Dan it's not a meme. A meme implies that the trend will flash bright and burn out quick. Ladies of a certain age have always been, and always will be, down to fuck. Bless their horny little hearts for it.
18
@16, as soon as you said it I realized the same thought had been doing a lazy backstroke around the margins of my lizard brain.
19
I'm wondering what exactly are Letter Writer's grounds for thinking that "SUPER Hot Guy" was off limits to Mom? Justifiable ones, that is. If she hasn't got good, justifiable reasons, then Mom didn't do a damned thing wrong, at which point both options A and C are going to make Letter Writer look really, really stupid when she tries to pick a fight.
Bottom line for me is that "SUPER hot guy" just showed again what a complete cad he is. That was Mom's and his private business -- LW has no right to that info -- and rather than being discreet he exposed it to the most embarrassing person possible and created all manner of acrimony in the family. If you need any reason to reevaluate why not to get back together with him, here it is. Dump him as an idiot, if not a malicious shit-stirrer.
Bottom line for me is that "SUPER hot guy" just showed again what a complete cad he is. That was Mom's and his private business -- LW has no right to that info -- and rather than being discreet he exposed it to the most embarrassing person possible and created all manner of acrimony in the family. If you need any reason to reevaluate why not to get back together with him, here it is. Dump him as an idiot, if not a malicious shit-stirrer.
20
Mr Avast - No; they all seem to deserve each other; the LW should marry SHG and then the trio can all live unhappily ever after, keeping Mr Savage in work on a regular basis. It even seems like the sort of situation they'll all enjoy deep down.
23
The LW has a Master's degree?!?!?!?!?
I sure hope it's not in Psych. It just proves that, though some people may have the I.Q. for higher education, they may be lacking in E.Q.*
IMO the outrage and DWAMA seem manufactured (after all, the FB message was shallow and innocuous) and are a smokescreen for the LW's true feelings: disgust that her mom is a sexual being; envy that her mom is attracting younger men who should rightfully be hers (even if she never shows an interest, but - you know - it's the principle of the thing, lol). Also, how DARE her mother lie to her in response to the accusations? I can see the LW stomping her foot!
So middle-school for someone in her mid twenties. LW, please grow up - NOW - and drop the outraged act.
[*E.Q. = Emotional Quotient]
I sure hope it's not in Psych. It just proves that, though some people may have the I.Q. for higher education, they may be lacking in E.Q.*
IMO the outrage and DWAMA seem manufactured (after all, the FB message was shallow and innocuous) and are a smokescreen for the LW's true feelings: disgust that her mom is a sexual being; envy that her mom is attracting younger men who should rightfully be hers (even if she never shows an interest, but - you know - it's the principle of the thing, lol). Also, how DARE her mother lie to her in response to the accusations? I can see the LW stomping her foot!
So middle-school for someone in her mid twenties. LW, please grow up - NOW - and drop the outraged act.
[*E.Q. = Emotional Quotient]
25
@wisepunk my little horny heart says "thank you !"
Ovide wrote in the "Art of love" that older females are not to be disdained as lovers, since women reached their full potential after seven lustra - that is, after 35.
Ovide wrote in the "Art of love" that older females are not to be disdained as lovers, since women reached their full potential after seven lustra - that is, after 35.
26
More evidence that a graduate degree doesn't prove a damn thing about a person's intelligence or maturity.
28
I was wondering if her Ex knows that she is sending out his pics, and if it was unethical of Dan to accept the bribe.
29
Ms Sissou - So did Benjamin Franklin.
Dr Sean - What, the trend going back at least as far as Henry II isn't good enough for you? We don't really need to count all the notable men alive today with wives young enough to be their (grand)daughters, do we?
Dr Sean - What, the trend going back at least as far as Henry II isn't good enough for you? We don't really need to count all the notable men alive today with wives young enough to be their (grand)daughters, do we?
30
I dissagree. The issue isn't that she's grossed out that her mum likes younger men.
The issue is that parents should never EVER EVER hit on someone their children is or have ever been involved with. That not cool. Bizzarre Jerry Springer shit right there.
The issue is that parents should never EVER EVER hit on someone their children is or have ever been involved with. That not cool. Bizzarre Jerry Springer shit right there.
32
The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking of the penguin of doom copypasta.
I hope to never meet this woman, and I also hope to pick up her mother at the bar.
I hope to never meet this woman, and I also hope to pick up her mother at the bar.
33
Am I the only one thinking that the real rage being worked out here is that mom is more attractive to men than the LW is?
34
@28 I was wondering the same thing myself. And wondering why LW has such outrage about her mother's behaviour, but can't see how amazingly unethical her own is in this regard.
36
Big fan, yeah. You might have read all of Dan's books (good for Dan), but you certainly haven't learned much. However, your mom hasn't been the best example of maturity for you, so that might explain it all. Just forget it and move on.
37
Boring question, which I just barely made it through. I gave up partway through the answer. I enjoy Dan's column well over 99 percent of the time, so I can forgive this one and that one a few weeks ago about how do I know when somebody loves me, or whatever it was. The answer had to do with something on the face...
39
It's terrific that mom had lots of sex with pretty young men. Great for her! But that's not the point here. "Don't hit on your daughter's/son's exes"--and that includes FWB--is a good rule that parents should follow. It's not worth your kid's arguably irrational, definitely predictable and probably inevitable angry, hurt, betrayed and grossed-out response.
But this shouldn't be taken very seriously, either. Best advice is to forget it and move on. Okay, maybe tease mom a little for being ridiculous. But no big blow-ups.
And send Dan pics AND get the guy's permission for Dan to share them on Slog, please.
But this shouldn't be taken very seriously, either. Best advice is to forget it and move on. Okay, maybe tease mom a little for being ridiculous. But no big blow-ups.
And send Dan pics AND get the guy's permission for Dan to share them on Slog, please.
40
It is exceptionally inappropriate for a mother or father to date or have physical relations with any of their kids friends. Just like it is the same for a kid to date or be physical with their parents friends. Older folks dating younger folks is just fine, so long as they are legal.
Going after your kids friends is a major boundary issue, and not far from Woody Allen, great film-maker, and notorious pederast. Remember when he married his wife's adopted daughter? And then he had the nerve to sign a letter to the court stating that Roman Polanski should not be deported to the US to serve his term for the drugging and raping of a 13 y/o. Off topic, yes, but those themes run together in my mind, because I know some idiot is going to defend Woody Allen, and for the record, I love his films, and hate his creepy as judgment.
Going after your kids friends is a major boundary issue, and not far from Woody Allen, great film-maker, and notorious pederast. Remember when he married his wife's adopted daughter? And then he had the nerve to sign a letter to the court stating that Roman Polanski should not be deported to the US to serve his term for the drugging and raping of a 13 y/o. Off topic, yes, but those themes run together in my mind, because I know some idiot is going to defend Woody Allen, and for the record, I love his films, and hate his creepy as judgment.
41
@everyone who thinks parents shouldn't hit on their kids exes:
He was her brother's buddy and her FWB. I am not sure her mom knew that they were fuckbuddies.
I can assure you my parents would not have known if I had had sex with my brother's friend, esp. not at 18.
He was her brother's buddy and her FWB. I am not sure her mom knew that they were fuckbuddies.
I can assure you my parents would not have known if I had had sex with my brother's friend, esp. not at 18.
42
The dick former fwb saved an innocuous Facebook message for two years so he could show it to this girl if they ever hooked up again? "Hey sweetie, now that we're banging did you know your mom once texted me? Totally dull little 2 line note, but it could have gotten flirty in a few more rounds! How do you feeeeeel?"
I'm guessing maybe he remembered the angry-at-mom sex as being super hot?
I'm guessing maybe he remembered the angry-at-mom sex as being super hot?
43
@41: How about the broader rule that you don't hit on your kids' friends, for reasons of boundaries? This would go for divorced dads trying to hit up college daughter's roommates, too.
44
It's kind of gross for the mother to hit on the LW's semi-ex. But it is in no way a reason to gear up for a Battle Royale with Mommy involving evidence for the prosecution (Exhibit A: The Text!) and melodramatic ambush tactics. EVERYONE here needs to grow up.
45
I'm with scratchmaster_joe on this one. I noted upthread that the letter reeks of anger at the mom; the more I look at the mom's conduct, though, there does seem to be a real element of deliberate rubbing of another woman's rhubarb in the mom's conduct. A "see, I'm hotter than you, even your bfs and friends want me", sort of thing, which is, yes, vulgar and creepy and a boundary issue of almost the worst sort.
46
Or: Stop taking interpersonal communication cues from reality TV. It is not necessary to police the actions of others.
And as a corollary: Just because you disagree with someone or just because someone lies to you doesn't mean your reaction is necessary.
And as a corollary: Just because you disagree with someone or just because someone lies to you doesn't mean your reaction is necessary.
47
@28: "if it was unethical of Dan to accept the bribe."
Who gives a fuck? It stops with Dan. The problem is with the issuer, not the recipient.
Who gives a fuck? It stops with Dan. The problem is with the issuer, not the recipient.
49
Kind of a dick former FWB has graduated towards being a manipulative asshole. Keeping an innocuous text for two years, and disclosing it to the girl just after they've made out ? Manipulative genius. By the by, using any means necessary to make someone sever her links with her mother is a redflag.
Previously only moderately jealous daughter has unresolved issues with her oversharing hot mother.
The oversharing hot mother is fed up with the jealous daughter's jealousy (over nothing much, probably) and tries not to overshare too much those days, at the expense of the truth. Not the smartest move, but quite understandable.
So my advice to the daughter would be :
1) run far far away from the super hot manipulative asshole.
2) get yourself in therapy, and find a way to live peacefully your life without the shadow of Mom all over your sex life.
3) and don't ever knowingly date Mom's leftovers - which is exactly what super hot guy is at this point.
Previously only moderately jealous daughter has unresolved issues with her oversharing hot mother.
The oversharing hot mother is fed up with the jealous daughter's jealousy (over nothing much, probably) and tries not to overshare too much those days, at the expense of the truth. Not the smartest move, but quite understandable.
So my advice to the daughter would be :
1) run far far away from the super hot manipulative asshole.
2) get yourself in therapy, and find a way to live peacefully your life without the shadow of Mom all over your sex life.
3) and don't ever knowingly date Mom's leftovers - which is exactly what super hot guy is at this point.
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