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Mahtli69 1
I realize that the education system during biblical times was probably even more fucked up than it is today, but are you telling me they hadn't yet figured out that insects have six legs?
Posted by Mahtli69 on January 13, 2013 at 6:32 AM
2
'Insects' is part of the new translation. Original was something like 'creeping crawling' things.
Posted by Jonathank5 on January 13, 2013 at 6:59 AM
3
God as micro-manager.
Posted by Don't you think he looks tired? on January 13, 2013 at 7:17 AM
4
So we should regard all flying insects as unclean, except those that aren't. Got it.
Posted by Clayton on January 13, 2013 at 7:21 AM
Urgutha Forka 5
@3,
That should be "micromanager," without the hyphen.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 13, 2013 at 7:30 AM
Matt from Denver 6
@ 1, I think it's one of those tests of faith. You're know that insects have six legs, but God tells you they have four, so you always say they have four, you tell your kids they have four and beat them when they catch a bug and count out six legs, etc. Submit or be cast into the lake of fire, because God loves you so.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 13, 2013 at 7:35 AM
7
I once had chapulines (sauteed grasshoppers) at a Oaxacan restaurant in San Jose, CA. They were pretty good.
Posted by McJulie on January 13, 2013 at 7:46 AM
8
There...are...four...legs!
Posted by make dir on January 13, 2013 at 7:51 AM
NotSean 9
The 'Look here! Some people eat bugs!' is one of those dull slow-news-day stories I come across once a year. There's always the one guy interviewed, trying the bugs for the first time... 'they taste nutty.'

Posted by NotSean on January 13, 2013 at 8:39 AM
10
How is it that the Old Testament infestation of locusts was not viewed as Manna from Heaven?
Posted by try this wing, it's delicious on January 13, 2013 at 8:43 AM
Reverse Polarity 11
Do we have to talk about eating bugs before breakfast?
Posted by Reverse Polarity on January 13, 2013 at 8:56 AM
Fnarf 12
Chapulines are OK then. But what about escamoles? They're not really insects -- yet. They're ant larvae, and have no legs at all. Mexican caviar. I'm going to need a ruling.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on January 13, 2013 at 9:11 AM
13
Jesus probably ate bugs.
Posted by melvillean http://onlinerock.com/partners/podcasts.shtml on January 13, 2013 at 9:31 AM
Michael of the Green 14
I love the allowance for eating locusts. That's some serious eye-for-an-eye shit there. Too bad it didn't catch on.
Posted by Michael of the Green on January 13, 2013 at 9:36 AM
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 15
Grasshoppers are not unclean unless you count catching ascariasis from the roundworms. Thanks for the advice, God.

Fun fact: ascariasis can provoke an allergic reaction to shrimp. Who wants to connect the Biblical dots?
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on January 13, 2013 at 9:41 AM
Pope Peabrain 16
I'll stick to pork, thank you.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on January 13, 2013 at 10:32 AM
Rob in Baltimore 17
If you see six legs on an insect, you're not believing hard enough!
Posted by Rob in Baltimore http://www.wishbookweb.com/ on January 13, 2013 at 11:02 AM
Posted by Michael of the Green on January 13, 2013 at 11:46 AM
19
@5 Subtle!
Posted by floater on January 13, 2013 at 12:33 PM
20
The "Locust Exception" was a hasty edit to the kosher laws to stave off starvation or desertion of the faithful after the crops were all eaten one year.

Here's the real problem: Nobody's allowed to edit the book anymore. Oh, you can interpret it, discuss it, concentrate on certain sections, write lengthy tomes of exposition on it, but nobody can actually go in and fix it up.

If this was an actual operations manual for anything, it'd already be on version 2013.1a.

Instead, it's just a collection of mismatched prose and poetry written centuries apart by representatives of many different cultural/spiritual communities, collected by a mix of editors with varying motivations and goals, translated too many times by people of varying skill, and monkeyed with by a patriarchical hierarchy.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on January 13, 2013 at 12:51 PM
21
Brooklyn Reader, good try, but they won't listen.

But I'll try again:

People who won't listen: this book -- the Jewish bible -- is published as a book but it's also handwritten on scrolls. No mistakes are allowed, and the scrolls have incorporated every single word since they were first committed to parchment more than 2,000 years ago. Since Judaism doesn't demand its members be literalists (forget the ultraOrthodox, they're crazy), we aren't expected to follow every single word. We do have minds.

As far as locusts, etc., they were probably considered clean because they don't light on garbage; they eat crops in the fields. And as mentioned, since they did, in lieu of the crops, people ate the locusts.
Posted by sarah70 on January 13, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Sandiai 22
Sure, insects have six legs, but they only walk on four.
Posted by Sandiai on January 13, 2013 at 1:46 PM
eclexia 23
I remain convinced that 90% of old religious texts could be reduced to the size of a Chinese fortune that says, "Eating shit is bad, mmmkay? "
Posted by eclexia on January 13, 2013 at 2:35 PM
zivilisierter Wurm 24
You think this is crazy - just wait until you notice that the OT actually has TWO different creation stories...
Posted by zivilisierter Wurm http://peregrinari.tumblr.com/ on January 13, 2013 at 2:37 PM
25
@24, that's been the case for more than 2,000 years. I think that's enough time to get over it, don't you?

@23, how would you put the Christian story on a fortune cookie? Seriously; I'm curious.
Posted by sarah70 on January 13, 2013 at 3:04 PM
26
@24 Ha! That's nothing. Wait until folks notice that there are two different Gods in the Old Testament.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on January 13, 2013 at 3:09 PM
zivilisierter Wurm 27
@Brooklyn: Good ol' Y-H-W-H and Elohim. From what little I remember of my Biblical history, the duplicated passages in the Torah (most likely) stem from differing oral traditions in the Northern and Southern Kingdoms of Judah and Israel, which were later redacted into one document.

@Sarah: True, it's been awhile. However, you might be surprised how few self-proclaimed Christians have any serious familiarity with the text they claim to follow...
Posted by zivilisierter Wurm http://peregrinari.tumblr.com/ on January 13, 2013 at 3:52 PM
Urgutha Forka 28
@19,
How did no one else get that? Christ... this blog takes itself way too seriously.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 13, 2013 at 5:35 PM
blackhook 29
Delightful culinary advice by the celebrated gourmand Leviticus!

...wonder if he has any charming recommendations about stoning women & unbelievers to death....
Posted by blackhook on January 14, 2013 at 2:57 AM
venomlash 30
As #2 pointed out, the original Hebrew is best translated as "swarming/crawling things" rather than "insects". The "all fours" thing IS explicit; the Hebrew word for "four" (אַרְבַּע, pronounced "arbah") is in there. Not sure if "on all fours" is an ancient Hebrew figure of speech for horizontal posture, but eh.
Posted by venomlash on January 14, 2013 at 7:18 AM
31
@30 You make a good point about idiom and figures of speech. I grew up among people who claimed to interpret the text "literally" but even as a child I recognized that was impossible. Language itself isn't literal.
Posted by McJulie on January 14, 2013 at 8:02 AM
Matt the Engineer 32
Which bugs are followers not allowed to eat? I can't think of any that fly and "have four legs" (I'm interpreting that as legs for walking) that aren't on the list.
Posted by Matt the Engineer on January 14, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Beetlecat 33
@32 -- read @30
Posted by Beetlecat on January 14, 2013 at 11:15 AM

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