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LW3, just want to mention that sometimes going non-stop can introduce a state of quasi-numbness. Yet another reason to break up the action.
Posted by avast2006 on January 29, 2013 at 4:09 PM · Report this
eclexia 2
LW3, if you are using condoms, try one made from silicone instead of latex. They are, unfortunately, 2-3x more expensive. But worth it.

Actually, not just LW3. Same advice to everybody reading. Try them and see what happens.

Durex used to make on under the "Avanti Bare" brand. However, they recently changed everything up. I bought a box of Avanti and my dick nearly fell off. Because they switched to latex very quietly (it's in small print). So I switched to "Lifestyle Skyn", which I found in my local Target.
Posted by eclexia on January 29, 2013 at 4:17 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 3
Dan, Yay for new Q's. New easy lobs are better than reruns.

LW1, your girlfriend demanding to go down on you? Does she like to swallow, maybe? This could very well be, but you didn't say why you this is an issue with oral. The women I've known like oral enough, but prefer actual intercourse. Maybe I'm wrong in that. Your letter made me he most curious because of this.

You could always ease it into actual sex though. Or, not ease but grab her out of lust, throw on a condom and then ravage her. Or, whatever...then it becomes less of a problem.

LW2, You could also hire gay strippers. I thought the Stranger still had Backroom ads for that? Maybe not? Try looking up "gay male strippers seattle" on Google. But, yeah, if in bar. But, house strippers can be even more fun. Even better can be when one or two of his friends that he may be crushing on acts as a stripper. Just some thoughts.

LW3, Going for 30 minutes after your girlfriend dried up? Gah! Or, as Uncle Jesse would say, "Have Mercy." Sorry, I've been reading too much Full House Reviewed. But, seriously dude? Fake it. Or stop jacking off in between. And, warm yourself up for awhile before hand. Maybe work yourself for awhile while eating her out? But, don't keep jackhammering away at the poor girl if she doesn't like being jackhammered dry.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 29, 2013 at 4:30 PM · Report this
You're not "tearing" her, you probably are actually TEARING her. Lady parts can get super sore if you have rough and/or long sex too often. Either the skin gets rubbed raw, or you get little tiny tears that take FOREVER to heal. It's super annoying, and I'd be super annoyed at someone overusing quotation marks to describe my discomfort.

Plus an hour of jackhammaring all the time sounds pretty yawn-inducing. I guessing you need to stop masturbating.
Posted by Ashley on January 29, 2013 at 4:58 PM · Report this
eclexia 5
Folks, not every guy who shoots is jacking off all the time. Some guys are like that. Delayed orgasm.

Dan, did you ask whether LW3 was on antidepressants? Total spooge-killers.
Posted by eclexia on January 29, 2013 at 5:14 PM · Report this
disintegrator 6
Asking about antidepressants is a good call for LW3. So is asking whether or not the sex is just fucking boring for him! Are they just stuck in a vanilla rut? Maybe they need to have a conversation about what turns him on and gets him off. If his brain swaps to thinking about work after fifteen minutes then that could certainly delay things.

Tie her up! Spank her! Hell, dress her like an Ewok and make Chewbacca noises if that's what does it for you!
Posted by disintegrator on January 29, 2013 at 5:43 PM · Report this
@4 Yup. Some women like to be jackhammered for hours, but I'll bet they are rare. Pistoning away for hours is BORING.
Posted by agony on January 29, 2013 at 5:48 PM · Report this
I had the same trouble with one boyfriend: too long jackhammering, that I didn't have with other boyfriends, who could also last a long time.

In first boyfriend's case, he wasn't big on foreplay, just skipped right to intercourse.

My body didn't have a chance to tune up and lubricate, for one.

Eventually broke up with him, who insisted the problem was all about us ladyfolk not being able to keep up with him.
Posted by judybrowni on January 29, 2013 at 5:53 PM · Report this
Mine thinks his long-lastingness is due to being circumcised and needing tons of friction (he swears blind he's not a deathgripper). Kinkiness helps, as does trying to have sex when he's not too tired. Plus stroking his balls and other bits, and straightening my legs round him so there's lots of grip. But too much lubrication from me and he can't come at all. Just as well I like pain...
Posted by shy and sore on January 29, 2013 at 6:15 PM · Report this
The straight guy who wants to throw a bachelor party for his gay friend is so sweet.
Posted by Tor on January 29, 2013 at 6:34 PM · Report this
eclexia 11
@9: Have you tried plugging his ass with something that vibrates?
Posted by eclexia on January 29, 2013 at 6:42 PM · Report this
@3: Ravish, not ravage. I'm guessing LW1 doesn't want to "cause severe and extensive damage to" his girlfriend.

LW1: Fuck her mouth already!
Posted by dchari on January 29, 2013 at 6:44 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 13
a road trip to silver ado is most it
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on January 29, 2013 at 6:47 PM · Report this
Gah, that third letter. Dude, just get super horny beforehand. And then let her tease you and build up anticipation. If you can't come quicker by doing more foreplay, then just fucking pull out and finish yourself! Or, you know, have sex more/less often, depending on what makes you come faster.
Posted by alguna_rubia on January 29, 2013 at 7:00 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 15
@12 I have always preferred ravage. It's more animalistic and brutal, though definitely hyperbole. Ravish was always too close to lavish to satisfy my more aggressive desires.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 29, 2013 at 7:04 PM · Report this
LW3, get her to put her legs together. Quick easy way to get a very tight vagina which some guys need to finish.
Posted by wxPDX on January 29, 2013 at 7:06 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 17
@12 Also, you're right. If its merely control: fuck her mouth!

I was reading too into it by thinking he couldn't cum by oral alone like some guys I know.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 29, 2013 at 7:07 PM · Report this
lolorhone 18
LW#2: Your friend should be posting a picture of you on StraightUpThanks. You're a good man.
Posted by lolorhone on January 29, 2013 at 9:05 PM · Report this
The bachelor party is a charming thought, but it's not all that simple. First, is it clear that the LW is a someone or part of the group that has the standing to organize the party? It sounds as if the groom-to-be's straight friends and his gay friends aren't in communication, or else the LW could have consulted one of the gay friends instead of Mr Savage. I could easily see two separate parties being organized for the same night and not being discovered until two separate venues were booked and deposits paid. Now, it's always possible that GTB might have only one or two gay friends and they're all the sort of New Gay Prototype who apparently can't stand 95% of other gay men and live almost entirely straight-appearing lives except for their sexual exploits, or the LW may be a Jolly Good (Honourary) Homo, but in general, it seems to make sense to leave matters that can benefit from expertise to an expert.

Second, I'd caution the LW to make doubly, triply, quadruply sure that the party won't be biting off too much for most guests to chew. It's one thing for a very tiny portion of gay guests at a straight bachelor party to put on their Good Sport Faces and strain not to appear as if they'd rather be sucking lemons, but, if it takes five minutes or less for nearly the whole of the nearly entirely straight body of guests to look as if they'd rather be shoe shopping with their wives/girlfriends and offering informed opinions on all 5,000 pairs in the store, then I fear that, whatever adjectives are affixed to the party afterwards, "most excellent" will not be among them. If all the straight male guests can get sufficiently into the spirit of a party with gay male strippers, then commendations all round and have a grand party. But otherwise, I'd say to start with what all the guests could handle with ease and then see how to build on that.

(Wow; I got through that whole response without voicing disapproval of BPs with Ss in the first place. What a practical mood I must be in.)
Posted by vennominon on January 29, 2013 at 9:56 PM · Report this
My advice to LW1 is based on what works for me: mix up the oral with other stuff you love, and don't grade the event based on what percentage was which. For me, that might me reading porn while he goes down on me, or swapping back and forth between the vibrator and his tongue, and oh, yeah, some alcohol or pot helps me not obsess about getting to the finish line before he gets tired.

When I give oral to a guy who doesn't usually come from oral, hands come more into play. I keep one hand tight at the base and use the other hand as a tight, wet extension of my mouth (it stays glued to my mouth, and together the mouth and hand swirl up and down around the cock). Or I bring his hand to his cock, and I stay up at the head while he does his thing on the shaft. (There's a bit of a bumper-car aspect to that, but that can be fun if you're in the right mood.) Watch porn at the same time, too, that helps distract the mind from the pressure to come soon. Did I mention alcohol and pot?

Posted by EricaP on January 29, 2013 at 10:07 PM · Report this
seandr 21
Plus one for pot.
Posted by seandr on January 29, 2013 at 10:27 PM · Report this
I have never been more proud to be from Portland.
Posted by portland scribe on January 29, 2013 at 10:34 PM · Report this
tabathalphabet 23
Huh, with the absence of gender pronouns/indicators for the author of "almost there" I imagined said person to be female. Were there other clues in the email that indicated the AT was/is a dude?
Posted by tabathalphabet on January 29, 2013 at 11:00 PM · Report this
@23, I assumed it from "during vaginal I have some level of control," but that probably just goes to show my ignorance of what lesbians would mean by "during vaginal."
Posted by EricaP on January 30, 2013 at 12:33 AM · Report this
Wandergeist 25
Dan's advice for LW1 is spot on. I'm one of those guys: despite the best efforts of several lovers I didn't come from a blowjob until I was 29, and that was only after not having any sex whatsoever for three years. Even now it remains my least-favorite act, and given the choice between just a bj and forgoing any sex altogether I'll generally take choice #2.

I think the real question is the one @3 raised: why is it such a big deal for her? It's very possible she's just disappointed she can't please you in that way (I know I'd rather go down on a girl than have her go down on me: pleasuring someone else is a powerful, ego-satisfying thing). But is it possible she sees this as a failing in herself? Women generally aren't nearly as wrapped up in competing with lovers of the past (real or imagined) nor do they tend to have as much ego on the line as guys; but all humans take pride in their skills, and maybe she's worried this reflects a fault in her technique rather than really being about you, not her. A little reassuring conversation (that may lead to discovering things you both like better) couldn't hurt.
Posted by Wandergeist on January 30, 2013 at 1:19 AM · Report this
If you need lube in a serious way, 30 minutes is wayyyyy too long to go between applications, unless you are using just gobs and gobs of the stuff. Not knowing the writer's specific practices, I'd start with "Way more lube, way more often." Some women are hesitant to ask for a re-up when you've already disrupted your concentration once- maybe she's hoping if she hangs on, you'll come in the next two minutes- so try slathering on more lube every 5 minutes.
Posted by Orsh on January 30, 2013 at 2:13 AM · Report this
to LW3: for marathon fucking, it helps if she sips water throughout. Lots of water is going out as pussy juices and getting evaporated and none is going in. And for pete's sake, you're not contractually obligated to finish using only her pussy; give your hand some work too while your other hand keeps her happy in breaks.

It may be the lack of lubrication that's making it take longer to finish for you, btw.
Posted by MemeGene on January 30, 2013 at 4:14 AM · Report this
@25: I think one of the great services of Dan's column is to teach people "Hey, you know that thing all men are supposed to love more than anything and be completely helpless if it's even a possibility? (bj, two girls, etc) There are some guys for whom it doesn't do much, and it shouldn't be a big deal if you, or your buddy, or your lover, are one of them."
Posted by IPJ on January 30, 2013 at 5:25 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 29
@19 The sign off for LW2 is Straight Best Man.

LW2's groom could also be kind of like me and a couple people I know where we fit into the social archetype of The Satellite in that we float in a bunch of different groups, in them enough to be liked and invited, but never the most ingrained. And, the groups rarely intermix except at my parties.

My gay friends didn't mix with my geek friends didn't intermix with my gawth friends didn't intermix with my burner friends. So, if I had a straight best man, he probably wouldn't talk to my gay friends.

HOWEVER, as a best man, one would think he would be in communication with the gay groomsmen and asking them advice.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 30, 2013 at 9:14 AM · Report this

He may not be a death gripper, but if he's using no form of lube, he's not that far off.
Posted by pb1230 on January 30, 2013 at 10:43 AM · Report this
It warms the cockles of my heart, to think of a straight guy organizing a bachelor party for his gay buddy. It just feel so unexpectedly sweet.
Posted by The Head-shaking Lesbian on January 30, 2013 at 2:14 PM · Report this
It's possible to hire male strippers to join the party bus. If it's a mixed party, there is no reason to not hire boys and girls for a peep show. Everyone goes home happy :)
Posted by MameSnidely on January 30, 2013 at 6:06 PM · Report this

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