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Cienna Madrid 1
I wish I could rub your belly and pat your head at the same time but I do not have the motor skills.


Posted by Cienna Madrid on February 5, 2013 at 3:21 PM · Report this
With your avatar Cienna, it seems that rubbing YOUR belly while patting your head might work surprisingly well.
Posted by Hanoumatoi on February 5, 2013 at 3:30 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 3
I did not read the first in the series. Are you gals looking to drop the "life support" that's built up over the years? What is the fast all about, religion?
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 5, 2013 at 3:32 PM · Report this
You gotta get some avocado in there! I did 7 days as of Jan 27th. Still off the gluten and dairy. With the avocado I wasn't hungry. Use a blender for that!

Posted by Hizzonr on February 5, 2013 at 3:33 PM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 5
@2, PMP (pee my pants).

@3, we were sent a free juice cleanse and we are too poor to pass up a free juice cleanse.
Posted by Cienna Madrid on February 5, 2013 at 3:35 PM · Report this
@5, I am going to send you a FREE box of pinecone snax. It's really just a milkcrate full of pinecones, but think about it: aren't you too poor to pass up eating them every one?

P.S. They'll cleanse ya.
Posted by gloomy gus on February 5, 2013 at 3:40 PM · Report this
Dougsf 7
Do NOT eat Gloomy Gus' "pinecone snax"—not when you've got a 1-week supply of my delicious "P-nut Skinz" coming your way. Don't let what appears to be bits of bar room floor mixed in the bag fool you, those are sustainable, locally sourced shells in that bag.
Posted by Dougsf on February 5, 2013 at 3:46 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 8
With 3 million trees in this city, why not just gather some pine nuts yourselves?

(you might want to wash them, to get the squirrel and dog pee off)
Posted by Will in Seattle on February 5, 2013 at 3:49 PM · Report this
Fnarf 9
Do not listen to these quacks @6 and @7. They do not have your best interests at heart, as I do.

I will be sending you post haste a big bag of pistachio nut shells. I've taken the trouble of removing the forbidden nut meats, leaving only the salty shell halves. I've even pre-ground them for you, protecting your delicate teeth from the hard shells. You can suck the salt out of as many of these babies as you want, and swallow the rest. After two or three pounds you'll never be hungry again.
Posted by Fnarf on February 5, 2013 at 3:53 PM · Report this
pfffter 10
I can't wait to do this. At least then I'll know why I'm hungry and ennui-ridden instead of the normal state of affairs.

Thanks for the update!
Posted by pfffter on February 5, 2013 at 4:01 PM · Report this
Dougsf 11
@9 - You can expect a call from my lawyer—who may sound over the phone like a dog licking peanut butter off his gums, but I assure you is an actual lawyer that can stand on two legs and wear an actual lawyer suit—for this infringement.
Posted by Dougsf on February 5, 2013 at 4:08 PM · Report this
blip 12
Wait, why can't you have coffee? Coffee's a juice, sort of. Whose rules are these anyway?

This whole thing is ridiculous but the no coffee thing really crosses the line. No wonder you're questioning the point of life.
Posted by blip on February 5, 2013 at 4:08 PM · Report this
Fnarf 13
@11, your lawyer may not be able to tell the difference between harmful, diseased peanut shells swept up off a dirty floor and a healthful, life-giving artisanally-ground pistachio shell, but the jury can, especially after MY lawyer -- who absolutely is NOT a tube sock with two plastic googly eyes stuck on -- gets through with them.

Ms. Minard, trust your digestive tract to the best, to the only Fnarf brand ground-up pistachio shells -- not to this hopeless loser @11. I mean, my God -- he's from SAN FRANCISCO.
Posted by Fnarf on February 5, 2013 at 4:23 PM · Report this
@12 YEAH I KNOW, RIGHT? I'm supposed to avoid caffeine because it will ruin everything.
@13 I can't lie: That sounds pretty good right about now.
Posted by Anna Minard on February 5, 2013 at 4:28 PM · Report this
Matt the Engineer 15
I love this thread.

Can you just drink them all in one day and be done with it?
Posted by Matt the Engineer on February 5, 2013 at 4:46 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 16
and everybody kept telling me how twinkies will fuck you up.
say.. did y'all read that story a couple of weeks ago about ashton kutcher who became a 'fruoiarian' because cinema and then he had to be hospitalized and stuff ?. dag y'all.. eat some food. and .. ummm what about the deuces ? inquiring mind NEEDS to know
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on February 5, 2013 at 4:55 PM · Report this
Anna, and Cienna, don't ignore the other losers in this thread, just sit back and watch them while chewing down on my vintage collection of unpopped popcorn kernels, which I will be sending you. Also, I have a lawyer on call to help analyze the legal arguments. She may look like a Siamese, but there is a top notch legal mind behind those whiskers.
Posted by Hanoumatoi on February 5, 2013 at 5:03 PM · Report this
Dougsf 18
@16 - I can't speak for Anna—or anyone that's done a juice cleanse—but I'm more than happy to describe in disgusting detail what happened to me after my girlfriend bought a Vitamix and I started juicing'... or more accurately; putting juice on top of my normal diet.
Posted by Dougsf on February 5, 2013 at 5:07 PM · Report this
tainte 19
your mouth may have been burning due to the ginger, not the celery. my wife made me a drink sunday and put a shit ton of ginger in it. it was pretty spicy.
Posted by tainte on February 5, 2013 at 5:23 PM · Report this
Kale is both nasty and disgusting juiced. It's not a lot better in its natural leafy state.

This free juice fast seems as though it was free for a reason--because whoever sent it to you included the nastiest possible recipes. Juicing does not have to be disgusting.
Posted by catballou on February 5, 2013 at 6:04 PM · Report this
eclexia 21
Normally I'd suggest breaking up the routine with some duckweed juice. But, it sounds like you've already taken in enough quackery as it is.
Posted by eclexia on February 5, 2013 at 6:13 PM · Report this
frank booth 22
Wow - I know what you're going through with the sad and emotional part except that it usually happens to me about 30 min to an hour hour after I fail to eat on time - several times a week. Then I get super depressed and not see the point in living but then feel totally normal after eating. It's not as fun as I make it sound though...

These cleanses were all the rage with my female friends about seven years ago. I still don't get it.

Hang in there! Friday is gonna kick ass.
Posted by frank booth http:// on February 5, 2013 at 9:58 PM · Report this
eclexia 23
@22, have you tried a low-glycemic diet? I shifted things around a few years ago, started eating squash and eggplant instead of potato, no white rice, etc. The results were pretty amazing. I could get hungry-- that is, feel the empty feeling and desire to eat-- with no emotional stress as a result.
Posted by eclexia on February 5, 2013 at 10:42 PM · Report this
Can't you chew gum? That should help with the I-gotta-chew craving. Double Bubble is best, it stays soft even after marathon chewing.
Posted by Bugnroolet on February 6, 2013 at 6:54 AM · Report this
@9-@11-@13, PCP (pee Cienna's pants), you are my Tinker to Evers to Chance.
Posted by gloomy gus on February 6, 2013 at 8:00 AM · Report this

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