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Ken 1
Time-limited tormentation mandate. Check.
Posted by Ken on September 8, 2013 at 6:15 AM · Report this
venomlash 2
Man, God was fine with regular locusts back in Exodus.
Posted by venomlash on September 8, 2013 at 6:37 AM · Report this
Heralding the start of the football season? (Cooler uniforms back then).
Posted by Foonken2 on September 8, 2013 at 6:45 AM · Report this
The Bible: word-of-God/horror-movie-script.
Posted by ohthetrees on September 8, 2013 at 7:12 AM · Report this
Tldr: "Do not eat the wild mushrooms on Patmos"
Posted by dutchie on September 8, 2013 at 7:20 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 6
Fear based religion.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on September 8, 2013 at 7:28 AM · Report this
jnonymous 7
Suddenly the Pale Horse doesn't seem so scary anymore.

My parents must have missed this part when they were trying to use Revelation to leverage me out of my heathen and childish ways.

Like many Christians they were selective readers.
Posted by jnonymous on September 8, 2013 at 7:31 AM · Report this
Politicians. Got it. So now we know.
Posted by FranFW on September 8, 2013 at 7:34 AM · Report this
Sean Kinney 9
1. Charles Mudede, Zombie Neoliberalism, 35-36.
Posted by Sean Kinney http:// on September 8, 2013 at 7:49 AM · Report this
Fred Casely 10
Sounds a lot like my five-year-old nephew talking about an action-figure battle during an Easter morning sugar rush.
Posted by Fred Casely on September 8, 2013 at 7:56 AM · Report this
delirian 11
And all the humans had was Raid. The humans won.
Posted by delirian on September 8, 2013 at 7:58 AM · Report this
Banna 12
@11 agreed; humans overcame God when they invented DEET and the indoor insect fogger.
Posted by Banna on September 8, 2013 at 8:26 AM · Report this
sloegin 13
No boots on the ground.
Posted by sloegin on September 8, 2013 at 8:27 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 14
So they're locusts, except nothing at all like locusts.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 8, 2013 at 8:53 AM · Report this
It sounds like the guy who wrote that was tripping balls.
Posted by jhops on September 8, 2013 at 9:30 AM · Report this
gttrgst 16
I miss 80's era Troma films.
Posted by gttrgst on September 8, 2013 at 9:35 AM · Report this
mikethehammer 17
Conjures up images of my ex, Tracy.
Posted by mikethehammer on September 8, 2013 at 9:49 AM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 18
Dude with a buzz describing his war/fantasy-based video game. Probably only had enough points for 5 months' worth of torment.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on September 8, 2013 at 10:05 AM · Report this
old skool drones y'all.
Posted by desert storms and foreigners on September 8, 2013 at 10:21 AM · Report this
Fnarf 20
Sounds like Republican primary season to me. You saw the hair on those people -- Trump, Gingrich, Bachmann, Palin, Rick Perry.

@2, locust plagues were pretty much an annual pestilence in the farming regions of the world until less than a hundred years ago. You should see the way people wrote about them on the Plains back before the Depression -- the Fear of God is nothing on comparison. They were truly horrific; miles upon miles of crops obliterated in seconds. People like to talk about how healthful and clean our grandparents' food was compared to today, but in reality it was drenched in arsenic and lead.
Posted by Fnarf on September 8, 2013 at 10:28 AM · Report this
Lissa 21
Such nice pets!
Posted by Lissa on September 8, 2013 at 10:29 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 22
@21 - and good with crops!
Posted by MacCrocodile on September 8, 2013 at 11:13 AM · Report this
Posted by COMTE on September 8, 2013 at 11:33 AM · Report this
Kind of funny that Protestants blindly accepted the Book of Revelation, despite the protests of folks like Martin Luther. News flash: Revelation is nothing more than anti-Roman propaganda-turned-pro-Roman propaganda. The Roman church adopted it 150 years after the other books because it justified the use of violence to suppress the heathen barbarians that threatened Rome in the 4th and 5th century. "Saint" Augustine led the political movement to adopt Revelation into the canon, and then subsequently used it to help support his Just War theory in City of God. Soldiers have been doing God's work ever since...
Posted by Get Real on September 8, 2013 at 11:34 AM · Report this
Purocuyu 25
I have see the Ten Commandments move, and one of the Jesus movies, but filmmakers, listen up! These are the chapters that deserve movies. I'd pay at least 3 dollars to watch a biblical movie made by people who literally believe every word, and think every word deserves 3D (but the popcorn better be good). Will no one draw this creature?
Posted by Purocuyu on September 8, 2013 at 11:53 AM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 26
"...five months they had the power to torment people"

This is the key phrase that tells us the whole thing is a metaphor for Ansel Herz's slog "locusts", or posts.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on September 8, 2013 at 12:33 PM · Report this
John the Revelations writer (over)uses so many similes, I suspect he was taking a Freshman Comp course on Patmos.
Posted by bobbyjoe on September 8, 2013 at 3:24 PM · Report this
Knat 28
These didn't make it into The Cabin in the Woods. Even with killer clowns, disemboweling unicorns, rampaging robots and face-munching mermaids sharing the screen, they would still look too ridiculous by comparison.
Posted by Knat on September 8, 2013 at 3:29 PM · Report this
One does not simply fly a horde of locusts into Mordor!
Posted by CPN on September 8, 2013 at 7:25 PM · Report this
sirkowski 30
Tiny black locusts spying on your Internets.
Posted by sirkowski on September 8, 2013 at 8:19 PM · Report this
Baby Blue 31
Drugs are bad, mmkay?
Posted by Baby Blue on September 10, 2013 at 8:36 AM · Report this

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