"Death cake"? Why so goth?
I am no mere cupcake. I reject the conventional notion of sweet. I wear no crown of fluffy frosting, no ruffled pastel paper has ever touched my bittersweetness, and frankly I object to the pink and red sprinkles around my base. I am obscenely rich. My density is intense. I am darkness in the form of chocolate through and through. I do not cloy; I bludgeon.
You cost $6—expensive for a cupcake, but for a bludgeoning, it sounds like a bargain.
Indeed. My decadence is of locally made Theo chocolate, which is in turn made from fair-trade-certified, organic cocoa beans; my espresso ganache, from Stumptown Coffee, also upholders of virtue and quality.
And you're limited time only, best hand delivered?
I am available only for the first 14 days of February. Do not leave me outside a door in the city at nighttime, for junkies may take me—lucky, lucky junkies.