Being a sexually adventurous woman in a sex-negative world is challenging enough. But being a sexually adventurous woman in her third trimester? That's tricky. So as I watched my kinky and polyamorous pal Leslie's tummy get rounder, I wondered how it was affecting her sex life.
Tell us about sex before you became pregnant.
My husband and I were sometimes-swingers, but we attended quite a few kink events. I got tied up in rope, sometimes suspended, and I had intense scenes including getting physically thrown around. I had a lot of sex with my husband and my boyfriend, and a phenomenal libido.
My libido. Lately, I haven't had much drive at all. [My husband and my boyfriend] have both been very patient with my lack of energy. That said, if one of them initiates, I respond just as strongly as before.
I've also been using condoms with all of my partners—including my husband—just in case anyone contracts any STIs. My kink libido has not waned as much; I still have a strong drive for BDSM. However, most of that's off-limits or severely curtailed for the safety of the baby. Frustrating, but worth the peace of mind. My husband last tied me up two months ago, and he was very sweet and careful getting me into a position that I could sustain. Even then, I managed to leak colostrum [pre–breast milk] all over the ropes, which was fascinating—and kinda gross.
How have your partners responded to these changes?
Since I was usually the initiator before, it's been tough for my husband and myself. It's been tough in some ways for my boyfriend as well. Since our relationship has a dominance/submission and pain-infliction component, he's had to be a lot more conscious of the changes to my body and of risks to the little person inside me.
How have strangers at swing parties and kink events responded to seeing a visibly pregnant woman participating?
If anyone has been squicked by my playing while pregnant, they haven't said anything. At a recent swinger's party, I was wearing a bra and very short skirt, with my belly hanging right out, and I got tons of compliments and congratulations. But I set a rule that I wouldn't add any new sexual partners while pregnant.
I've heard that some people find pregnant women horribly unattractive, and that some swingers strongly believe that pregnant women shouldn't play at all because being pregnant is so "sacred," but luckily I haven't run into any of those people. I just focus on keeping my baby safe.
FRIDAY 3/23THE SPIN: PROM NIGHT WITH THE WET SPOTS
The Wet Spots bring their sexy songs, including "Do You Take It In...." to the Wet Spot prom, so dress up, get your picture taken, drink bad punch, and catch the show. The Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, 270-9746, 9 pm, Wet Spot membership not required, nonmembers must RSVP to email@example.com, $25, $10 for metal members, $5 off with formal attire.
SATURDAY 3/24BOTTOMING SKILLS: LEARNING HOW TO BOTTOM, FROM A BOTTOM
Do you want to surrender to a partner's erotic wishes, orders, or demands? Jennifer of Libido Events can show you how to become a better, more sought-after play partner. Wet Spot, noon, $25, membership not required.DAGGER OF THE MIND
A "powyr-metalle" Shakespeare band that shreds through the sonnets like a drunken duke through a corset. The Monkey Pub, 5303 Roosevelt Ave NE, 523-6457, 9 pm, 21+.
SUNDAY 3/25RAIN CITY JACKS PARTY
Women in the golden age of burlesque refined teasing to an art, and in this hands-on/gloves-off workshop, dance diva Miss Indigo Blue reveals the secrets of the craft. Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7:30 pm, $30.LEATHER INVASION
Leather Invasion is about getting leather folks of all orientations out in fetish gear in nonkinky places. This event: An invasion of the new Olympic Sculpture Park. Wear as much fetish gear as possible, but obey all laws and observe appropriate conduct for a public space. Olympic Sculpture Park, 2901 Western Ave, groups.yahoo.com/group/leatherinvasion-sea, 2 pm.