Jews Divided Over Fate of Monorail
SEATTLE, Wash., Aug. 24—Yom Kippur services in Seward Park are expected to be unusually tense this fall as members of the secret cabal of Jews who control Seattle continue their bitter internal struggle over what to do about the monorail.
Historically, the secretive, close-knit group, Zionist Elders of Seattle (ZES), has been known for the unanimity with which it makes its sweeping decisions, such as keeping Christine Gregoire in power, convincing Southwest Airlines to move to Boeing Field, blowing up the Kingdome, running light rail through south Seattle, and trading Ken Griffey Jr. to the Cincinnati Reds.
However, ZES has been unable to agree on the monorail for more than four years. (It's telling that the local media, micromanaged by ZES, has disagreed over the monorail as well.) Tensions within the group are now at such a boiling point that Mitzi Goldbaum, secretary at Temple Rodeph Shalom in Seward Park, to which all the ZES members reportedly belong, is worried that shouting matches may erupt during this year's Yom Kippur services. "I wish the boys would stop arguing and trying to act so tough," Goldbaum frets. "They're behaving just like goyim. I've made a traditional snack: bagels, a white fish and lox platter, egg salad, and tuna so we can hopefully all just joyously break the Yom Kippur fast in peace."
That may be wishful thinking. Already, the animosity is leading members to make unusually bitter statements about one another to the press. "What a bunch of shmegegis!" one board member—a local tailor—said, describing the faction that wants to keep the monorail alive.
"That settles it. He's out of the will," a pro-monorail board member, vacationing at his summer estate in Boca Raton, Florida, said when he got word that his son-in-law (also a board member) proposed that the monorail should be killed.
A list of the ZES board members, obtained by The Stranger, makes it clear why there's so much disagreement about the monorail within the cabal. Joel Horn and Peter Sherwin, perhaps Seattle's biggest monorail advocates, and Henry Aronson and Martin Selig, certainly Seattle's biggest monorail foes, are all members of the secret Jewish group.
Sources say Aronson is about to release documents to the ZES board discrediting Horn. The documents reportedly show that Horn's wife, despite her dark hair and interest in publishing, is a gentile. The always-slick Joel Horn is expected to respond in kind by releasing documents that raise questions about Selig's Jewish credentials. The documents reportedly show that the "wealthy landlord" is uncircumcised. Additionally, Selig has not paid his membership fee to Rodeph Shalom in more than three years.
"I wish the Jews would just make up their minds on this thing," says monorail board member Cindi Laws. "It's time for us to move forward."