Let's hear it for America. Anywhere else on earth, dressing like the working class would be completely un-fashionable. In America, though, we love with our working class fantasy. Dressing in faded Levi's, threadbare tees, and trucker caps is de rigueur.
In the UK, however, this is definitely not the case. The lowest of the low there are street hooligans called "Neds." The word is derived from an acronym for Non-Educated Delinquents—boys and girls who roam the streets, get drunk on cheap liquor, knock over garbage cans, threaten other pedestrians, and get into knife fights. Inexplicably, Neds have their own manual of style that must be followed to the T.
A tracksuit must be worn at all times, preferably Adidas brand. Try the "Clubber" style ($140 for top and bottom). Socks are worn over the leg cuffs, and expensive trainers are worn on the feet. Anything flashy by Adidas or Nike will do (spend around $100 and you'll be okay). Under the tracksuit you should wear the soccer jersey of an internationally famous team. Real Madrid or Manchester United are good, or go a little more obscure with Glasgow's Celtic Football Club.
Top it all off with the hair and a hat: Using some cheap, smelly, stiff hair gel, you must flatten your very short hair down to your scalp. And the pièce de résistance is an "authentic" Burberry baseball cap ($24.99 on eBay—shops in the UK now refuse to sell them).
There you are, a Ned to the core. Or to put it more bluntly: "Y's r all bastards, a'm gannin' yem." TERRY MILLER
