From the Sep 22 – Sep 28, 2005 issue

Pullout

Abstain from Stupid Sex

But God Loves a Righteous Hump

by FATHER DAN SAVAGE

When it comes to sex, there's so much to abstain from I don't even know where to begin.

It may surprise you that sex itself isn't on the list. Let me be clear: God does not want college students to abstain from sex. Far from it! The Bible celebrates coitus, beginning with God's first commandment in Genesis: "Be fruitful and multiply." Our Lord continues in 1 Corinthians 7: "A husband should satisfy his wife's sexual needs. And a wife should satisfy her husband's sexual needs. You shouldn't stop giving yourselves to each other except when you both agree to do so.... Then you should come together again" (NIV).

Could He make Himself any clearer? You should be satisfied. Substitute "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" for "husband" and "wife"—or "boyfriend" and "boyfriend," or "girlfriend" and "girlfriend," or "customer" and "lap dancer"—and the odds that you will be sexually satisfied multiply accordingly. This is pleasing to God.

There are spiritually corrupting acts you should abstain from. First and foremost, abstain from conceiving if you are not ready to become parents. In Proverbs, God gives His blessing to tit-sex ("...let her breasts satisfy thee..."), which is viewed, even by conservative theologians, as a green light to all forms of congress that satisfy our sexual needs without risking pregnancy—oral sex, mutual masturbation, anal sex, etc. If you prefer vaginal intercourse, familiarize yourself with the many products that can help you abstain from unplanned pregnancy, like condoms, birth-control pills, and morning-after pills. For a better picture of blessed birth-control options, consult Planned Parenthood (www.ppww.org).

Should I even have to mention that all God's children should refrain from giving each other sexually transmitted infections? STIs are never sexually satisfying. Get tested regularly. If you believe you have an STI, seek treatment. If you believe you have passed on an STI, inform him, her, or them. And if you have a mysterious sore on your genitals, go see a doctor—do not send digital photographs of the lesion to this paper's sex columnist. There's plenty of useful information about STIs and testing sites at the Public Health website: www.metrokc.gov/health.

Young men should abstain from committing rape—date or any other variety. Consent should always be obtained in advance. Young ladies should refrain from describing sex they regret as "rape." Consent can never be withdrawn retroactively. And while many college counselors tell new students that a person cannot consent to sex when inebriated, anyone who has spent time in the real world knows this is foolishness. Why, if drunken people refrained from having sex, the human race would soon disappear from the face of the earth! (And tipsy Christians have a duty to be as fruitful as possible, outbreeding Jews, Hindus, and other benighted souls.) But it's a good rule to abstain from having sex with people who are too drunk to know they're having sex.

Finally, there is no biblical reason to refrain from exploring your more esoteric desires. "Sexual satisfaction," after all, is subjective—one man's happiness is another's anal fissure. Does God approve of kinks and fetishes? Flip to Revelation 2: "She sinned on a bed, so I will make her suffer on a bed." Could you ask for a simpler endorsement of consensual BDSM? That God also approves of scat ("My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him," Song of Solomon 5:4) troubles the fainthearted but should come as a comfort to corprophiliacs.

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1
Where to begin? You obviously don't understand the context of Scripture for you have twisted it's original meaning to fit your perversion. Sex is a great thing between a husband and wife. Apart from that, it is sin. Apart from that the sanctifiy and holiness of the bond shared between one man (the husband) and one woman (the wife) is distorted. Also, you pointed your readers to planned parenthood, an organization that seeks out to mutilate babies. Anyone in their right mind should recognize there is something morally wrong with that picture. Obviously, a God who celebrates life would not endorse PP nor give his stamp of approval on it. Although God wants us to enjoy the things of this world, for He created it, there are parameters (which include any sex outside of marriage). God does have a standard for us to live by so that we can be restored to His Image. It's found in His Word. (the very one that you've distorted in your blog.) Finally, I think you need to realize that life is not about satisfying your desires. God has a bigger plan and purpose for your life (it's fulfilling his purposes found in Scripture).
Posted by branestorm on September 29, 2008 at 6:56 PM · Report
2
@branestorm:

You just wander the internet looking for things to object to, don't you...?
Posted by mynamehere on October 13, 2008 at 9:21 PM · Report
3
Oh branestorm,
It should be obvious to you, considering your apparently vast wealth of knowledge where Scripture is concerned, that the very perspective you lean on for your views are likely based on distorted information. Unless of course you're referencing Scripture that you've personally read in Hebrew (Old Testament) or Greek (New Testament). Any other version is going to contain loads of distortions based on translation - to say nothing of the intentions (altruistic or otherwise) of the translators themselves. And if you're referencing the Bible written in English (oh dear), there's also that multiple-century gap between the original documents and the earliest available translation. Do you think something might perhaps have been lost along the way?
I agree with mynamehere... as far as I can tell your sole reason for this post is to incite. My best guess is that your savior wouldn't be too interested in a distorted dogma that pushes people (and understanding) away.
Best of luck to you in the darkness.
Posted by Learn other than what you are fed. on October 23, 2008 at 2:47 PM · Report
4
Who cares what the bible says, anyway? All you really need to abide is the old axiom, "You run around with shit on your dick, and you're bound to catch something."
Posted by solidox on October 24, 2008 at 10:33 PM · Report
5
It's interesting that you make the comment 'Could He make Himself any clearer?' immediately followed by the comment 'substitute...' - so when God said 'the Lord your God is the only Lord', should we substitute 'the only Lord' for 'one among many lords'?
Of course not - God made Himself clear by specifically using the words 'husband' and 'wife' because He knew that fools would think 'I fancy my girlfriend and want to sleep with her'.
If you want to go around committing adultery against God with a prostitute, girlfriend, or boyfriend then feel free but don't be so daft as to pretend that it's God's will - read Matthew 5:28, be convicted, repent of your sin and rejoice in God's forgiving grace!
Posted by Stan on January 19, 2009 at 1:15 AM · Report
6
The way you put things really lets us know of your level of maturity. You are the type of person that uses things to their convinence.
God luck to you little one.
BLESSINGS!
Posted by Lauren Loriette on January 8, 2010 at 10:22 PM · Report

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