Paul Constant

When: Fri Dec 23



Remedial: Did you know that a portion of Americans are Jewish (pronounced JOO-ish), and that these Jewish people don't believe that Santa Claus is the Son of God? Further, they celebrate Hanukkah (HON-neh-KUH), the "Festival of Lights," by spinning a dreidel (DRAY-dull), which is basically a four-sided die on a top? It's true!

Intermediate: Delicious latkes (LAHT-keys) with applesauce and Manishewitz (CHEEP-ass-WINE) are on hand, with less-traditional PBR and martinis to keep the party fluids flowing. Our host informs us that, "There's, like, a tenth of Seattle's Jewish population here tonight," and also that dreidels in Israel say, "A great miracle happened here," which inspires a shiksa to respond: "Your mom's a great miracle."

Difficult: Everyone (except Party Crasher, who only gets naked for money) gathers in the living room, lowers the shades, and plays strip dreidel. Someone warns that, "I do have a rash, but it's not in a place that would make you not want to have sex with me." With all the requisite hooting and goading, half the room is naked within 20 minutes—those who spin a shin have to take off two items of clothing. Someone swears off the competition, explaining: "I'm not playing strip dreidel with my sister." Our Plus One, in a true Hanukkah Miracle, manages to keep his shirt on. "I'm failing really bad at this game," says a woman in her underwear, and soon even those are gone. Which leads to the last, and possibly most important, Lesson of Hanukkah: Jewish people look really hot with their clothes off. Shalom!

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