Love Hurts/Sand Point/Tues July 3/12:28 am: Officer Stolt reports: "When I arrived, victim was located in the parking garage. She appeared upset and stated that her boyfriend of two months had threatened to kill her. She had been seeing someone else after they broke up about a week ago, and the ex had witnessed them together earlier that day. He stopped by her place tonight and they began arguing. He threatened to kill her, the new boyfriend, and himself. When she tried to leave her apartment, the ex prevented her from leaving. After a brief struggle, the ex let her leave.
"The victim showed us where she lived and then led us to suspect's apartment. The suspect's mother was in his apartment at the time. We contacted the mother and she was hesitant to tell us where her son was located but she let us into his apartment. Inside, we found suspect hiding in a bedroom closet. He came out of the closet and denied threatening anyone except himself. He said he was in love and didn't want to let her go.
"We released the suspect and gave him a warning. The victim, however, was still worried. She believed the suspect would try to kill her, her new boyfriend, and himself. She was given DV pamphlet."
Note one: What this report reveals is the hard root of love: power. The threat made by the ex, which must be taken seriously by the police, is an effort to regain the power of love at any cost. The suspect is willing to maintain the relationship even if she has no feelings for him. In the suspect's love-mad mind, no difference exists between a woman who is his girlfriend because she fears him and a woman who is his girlfriend because she loves him. This lack of a difference is a consequence of the fact that love, like fear, is about power. To let go of the one he loves is to let go of his power over her. And this loss of power is the source of his pain.
Note two: The shock of seeing your ex with a new lover is always sharp. You see not yourself but someone else in the happy place of her arms, her eyes, her thoughts, her body. For the suspect in this report, the sight of his replacement was even more painful because the breakup was still so fresh. Last week, she held his hand as they walked through a park; this week, she holds the hand of another man. But threatening your ex with extinction because you want her hand back in your hand is simply wrong. The right thing to do in this situation is what Don Williams does in his song "Down the Road I Go": "Well, I've never seen that guy before today/He held my baby in close this way/And the way she snuggled close to him I know/It's hello blues and down the road I go." Always greet your heartache with the words "hello blues."
