It's summer, and the Mistress has noticed that with warmth comes a certain relaxation of fashion standards. It's hot, and you just want to be comfortable. Or you want to express your creativity, unhampered by the need to protect your body from the rain and cold.
To this, the Mistress says too bad. Just because it's above 60 degrees, it doesn't mean I won't call you on your sartorial sins. It's not that I want to, but it's a civic duty. You see, I travel to BDSM events around the country, and what I know is that Seattle has a rather schizophrenic reputation in the kink world. We're considered a town of talented and creative BDSM people, but when it comes to how we dress when we're getting our kink on, our image is not good. People are snickering, Seattle, and we need to address this.
There are a few different categories of bad Seattle fetish fashion:
Trying Too Hard: You might be surprised to learn that one can overdo it with fetishwear. The object is not to wear as many different pieces of kinky-looking clothing as possible. A pair of leather pants or high boots with lots of buckles or a vinyl dress is generally sufficient to convey the message of "I belong here." Walking around looking like a Dream Dresser catalog threw up on you is not only unflattering, it's bad strategy, because when the next event rolls around everyone's already seen your entire fetish wardrobe.
Not Trying at All: This is the other extreme, and the one most common to Seattle. This town being what it is, you can show up at a kink event dressed as if you'd been painting your living room and just dropped by for a quick spanking. But if I see you at a party wearing a Windows Me T-shirt, drawstring pants, and Crocs, I'm going to assume you're either bottoming in an intense public-humiliation scene, or you're there to deliver a keg.
Bad Ideas: These are outfits that might look good on someone, but that someone is not you. Heterosexual gentlemen, there's a reason Borat is not a sexual icon among women. Unless you actually are an underwear model, you want to rethink an outfit consisting solely of brightly colored and creatively designed spandex underwear/swimsuits. Especially with black socks and wing tips. (Yes, I have really seen this.)
Ladies: I know many of you had fantasies of being a ballerina, but in reality a big, stiff, and ruffly tutu, and nothing else, makes one think not of Swan Lake but of a square dancer who stumbled into Rick's amateur night. In general, any article of clothing that stands away from your body at right angles is a bad idea. Ask yourself: Can I walk through a standard doorway without my clothes getting snagged? No? Then no.
I know you mean well, Seattle pervs, but as with bad sunburns, the consequences of fashion sins are more far-reaching than you think. So please, help me repair our fashion reputation—don't go crazy from the heat.
A dance-and-be-sexy party night at the Wet Spot, with a different musical theme each month. This month: black-light techno. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, Building E, 270-9746, firstname.lastname@example.org, 9 pm—2 am, $15, members and their guests only.
LITTLE RED STUDIO END OF THE SEASON PARTY
A big party on a jungle theme, with a hot tub, dancing, and complimentary limo service between different LRS locations. Little Red Studio, 750 Harrison St, 328-4758,www.littleredstudioseattle.com, 9 pm, $20, reservations recommended.
TRANSFORMATIVE BDSM CLASSES
BDSM instructor Arielle will discuss "The Power of Service and Integrity" from 2—4:30 pm. After an hour break for dinner, she will then explore "Transformational Ritual BDSM" as a means to set intention, release energy, and create spiritual openings, from 5:30—8 pm. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, Building E, 270-9746, 2—8 pm, $20 per class/$30 for both, membership not required.
THE INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF MOUTH AND FOOT PAINTING ARTISTS
Foot fetishists from across the West Coast will converge on this reception for the retrospective art show 50 Years of Self-Help, featuring the nation's finest foot painters. Hot limpy-on-gimpy action! Arthead Gallery, 5411 Meridian Ave N, 633-5544, 5—8 pm, free.
THE OLYMPIANS NUDIST SOCIAL
The Olympians is a gay men's nudist social club that meets at different private locations. This month: Mt. Vernon. Notice: This is not a "clothing-optional" event—get naked or stay home. For location go to www.theolympians.net or e-mail email@example.com, 7—11:30 pm, $5.
RAIN CITY JACKS
Afternoon jack-off event. Rain City Jacks is a private, men-only JO club that's alcohol, smoke, and attitude free. Raincityjacks.org, firstname.lastname@example.org, 1—4 pm (doors close at 2 pm), membership required.