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Employee of the Year

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Steven Weissman

I've been stealing money out of the cash register for over a year now. How much? As of yesterday: $3,125. Maybe if you weren't such a drunk, you would have noticed by now. I will keep stealing from you until I reach my goal of $5,000. That's what I need to move to California. I also let my boyfriend come in and shoplift on Fridays while you and your fat wife are getting sloshed at the bar across the street. Thanks to your sorry ass, he and I have developed a taste for the finer things in life. Who knew that caviar could taste so good? Greek olives really are better! I know that 1990 was a great year for wine! You are the most vile person I have ever had the misfortune to know. I hope that you experience every misery this world has to offer. My dream is to come back to Seattle one day and serve you food at a homeless shelter.

 

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