The Queer Issue
Ex-Ex-Gay Reparations
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The Queer Issue
- Divorced From Reality: The Constitutional Amendment We Really Need Would Protect Us from Family-Values Hypocrites—and Protect Family-Values Hypocrites from Themselves
- George W. Bush's effort to write anti-gay bigotry into the U.S. Constitution died in the U.S. Senate earlier this month. That came as a relief, as did Tim Eyman's failure to get his anti-gay-rights referendum on the ballot in Washington State. But we haven't seen the last of the federal anti-gay-marriage amendment. (Or Eyman.)
- Pride 2006 Events Calendar: Pride Week Festivities, from the Broadway Grill's ABBA tribute to Wildrose's Wet T-Shirt Contest
- Pride Events
- Ban Heterosexual Complacency: Meet the Oppressed Sexual Majority
- Amend It to End It: A Risky Amendment Could Stop the Emerging Anti-Gay-Adoption Movement in Its Tracks
- The Fag-Hag Emancipation Act of 2006: The First Thing We're Banning Is the Term "Fag Hag." The Next Thing to Go Is That Gay Ex-Nazi Trucker in My Living Room.
- Marry Me a Little: The Civil Union Instigation Act
- I Am Not a Butt Plug
- The Seven Year Ditch
- No Queer Child Left Behind: We Need to Remember "Our" Kids During Pride
- Ban the Abs: A Few New Regulations for Gay "Art" Photographers and Their Patrons
- PRO & CON: Ban Girls from Engaging in Drunken Displays of Faux-Bisexuality
- Scummy Film: It's Time for a Moratorium on Bad Gay Movies
- Life Sentence: A Fitting Punishment for Political Closet Cases
- Ex-Ex-Gay Reparations
- Legislating Tolerance: Making Health Clubs a Safe Space for Heterosexual Men
- Waiting Periods: Legislatures Across the Country Have Approved Waiting Periods for Gun Purchases and Abortions; We'd Like to Propose These Queer-Specific Waiting Periods
- Three Strikes, You're Out: A Do-It-Yourself Guide to Unpardonable Gay Crimes
- Comic: Woodland Creatures Speak Up for the Appropriating Names of Wildlife Restriction
The ex-ex-gay is a double recidivist. He comes out of the closet only to lapse back into the closet, a transformation he credits to the ex-gay ministries just before—shocker!—he lapses again, back into sucking cock. Such flip-floppers should be forced to make reparations.
Wade Richards became a poster boy for the ex-gay movement in his 20s. His experience demonstrates one way to make good: He came out, then became an ex-gay, then debunked the ex-gay experience, then started a website (www.standoutyouth.com) and began hanging out with prominent gay figures like U.S. Representative Tammy Baldwin (D-Wisconsin) and calling bullshit on the "propaganda of hate" put forward by those who still push reparative therapy for gay people.
Stranger Personals
That's nice and all, but since not everyone has the opportunity to hang out with Tammy Baldwin, here are some other suggestions for those in search of ex-ex-gay atonement:
1. Go triple-ex (that is, ex-ex-ex gay). Take a camera with you, record some of the furtive gay sex that's certainly going on in those homo-reeducation camps, and write a tell-all book that includes the phrases "men of the ministries" and "hot ex-gay on ex-gay action" in its title.
2. Do something for the community that you screwed back when you endorsed the ex-gay life. Pick something suitably self-flagellating, for instance: Attend every interminable meeting of the Seattle Pride Steering Committee (and then attend every meeting of the disgruntled rival faction that's holding a second, nondowntown parade this year).
3. Do something for gay mental health: Snatch up all the pseudo-ephedrine within an eight-mile radius of Capitol Hill, snatch up all the Chihuahuas within an eight-mile radius of Capitol Hill, and snatch up (and then burn) every single ticket to every single performance of the Seattle Men's Chorus's new offering, Our Mighty Men (featuring a moving tribute to Jack and Ennis). If Catholicism has taught us anything, it's that suffering is the greatest penance.
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