Your Hands Will Betray You
You're a dumbass. How could you think that no one would notice you whacking off in a bathroom stall at the King of Coffee's HQ at 9:30 a.m.? I was just sitting on the pot, minding my own business, when you disturbed my routine. The eerie silence and strange shadows in your stall threw me off a bit, but things quickly became obvious when your spunk hit the floor right next to my feet. You would have remained completely anonymous had you not been polite enough to clean your kids off the floor. Though I didn't see your face, hide those hands, buddy. I'll recognize your three-ringed fingers when I see you again.