Snippet from an e-mail: "The part of being a female dominant I find most daunting is the use of a strap-on dildo. You must be really good at that."

Why, thank you. The writer in question was speaking specifically of fucking boys with a strap-on, and yes, I do have a lot of experience doing that as part of a kink scene. But I actually didn't get started using a strap-on in the context of topping boys. No, I learned my initial strap-on skills from getting fucked by dildo-wielding butch dykes.

I imagine strap-ons can be intimidating for a heterosexual, generally vanilla girl. Here's this person who has, we assume, fucked you to your satisfaction with the factory-installed equipment he's spent a lifetime understanding how to use, and now he wants you to match him at his own game. I'd be nervous, too, had I not learned this art at the hands—and dicks—of some butch women who showed me, by their example, how strap-on fucking is done.

You see, you can talk about harness style, dick selection, or fucking speed, rhythm, and angle of attack—but what makes or breaks a strap-on scene is attitude. You can't just buckle up and start half-heartedly poking at the pink parts. You have to own it, baby. You have to strut, and it's going to be dirty. I know when I was getting fucked by someone with a strap-on, I was not looking for a tender, egalitarian erotic experience. Chances are, he's not either. He wants to be your nasty little slut, so you have to channel your inner sleazy porn star. It's not about acting like a man, exactly, it's about acting like a sexy person who's really connected with the cock. That's the nice thing about queer kinky sex—you learn to forget all the gender associations of who's supposed to have a dick and who isn't, and just assume whatever sexual traits you want. I've been to bed with butches who were sexually connected to their dicks; they could make you forget they were silicone.

So take some tricks from the butches I've known and loved. Put your dick on offstage and make an entrance with it tucked into a lacy thong, or black cotton boy shorts, or whatever kind of underwear makes you feel sexier. Pull it out slowly, wrap your hand around the base, and squeeze it and shake it at him a little. Get your hand in his hair, drag his head down to it, and tell him to kiss it. Leer at him and tell him how pretty your dick is going to look going up his ass. And make him aware that responding as if your cock is anything less than Thor's mighty hammer is a sexual foul. Slap him in the face with it and tell him if he doesn't show some appreciation, you can ditch the dildo and just shove your fist up there instead. That generally adjusts someone's attitude pretty quickly.

We're all beginners once. But what I learned from the butches was that if you believe in your dick, other people will, too. recommended