A "Promotional Talent and Marketing Agency specializing in 'midgets' and 'dwarf' talent" won't reveal which Seattle bars will be visited by six sombrero-wearing dwarfs tonight. It's Cinco de Mayo. The agency has been advertising under "gigs" on Craigslist for a Promotional Liquor Branding Event in which a team of midget/dwarf talent will barhop "for a 4 (four) hour 'shift' meeting & greeting, mix and mingling, handing out liquor premiums & souvenirs, taking photos with customers and patrons."
It's a multicity Cinco de Mayo promo-fiesta—similar ads ran in Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Miami. More from the Craigs- list posting: "You are 'TALENT' to us and we will pay you as such... The dwarfs will work as the client's 'character' as a dwarf in a sombrero and poncho provided by our client promoting Mexican liquor while barhopping with a group of team captains from the client's liquor company...."
I sent an inquiry: Had they found their six Seattle Brand Ambassadors? What Seattle bars would be involved? What time would the Event begin? Could I come along to write about it? Steven, an employee of the Promotional Talent and Marketing Agency, replied: "In the interest of my client, I am going to need to pass on this opportunity."
If you had a van full of dwarfs and a Cinco de Mayo branding mission, what bars would you hop among? The cavernous halls of hedonism of Pioneer Square seem like the obvious choice. At Cowgirls Inc. that night, a couple of women gyrate atop the bar, but no (specific) liquor promotions are taking place, with or without dwarfs. The mechanical bull stands momentarily still. Tiki Bob's, "the number one night club beach party in Seattle" (and one of a number of Tiki Bob'ses; it's a national chain), has a KISW banner outside, which is promising. An enthusiastic soon-to-be customer bellows "TIKI'S!!!" as he approaches.
Inside Tiki's, surfboards and beer flags provide beach-party atmosphere. For Cinco de Mayo, Corona-bottle piñatas and "Corona girls" have been added. The Corona girls—wearing yellow spaghetti-strap tank tops, short skirts, and high heels—circulate providing free T-shirts, strings of beads, and smiles. The DJ gets on the microphone, heralding the girls' presence and instructing the crowd to "get feisty on Corona." He bets, out loud, that we'd all rather be on the beach in Cabo with our toes in the sand getting a happy ending from a Mexican massage therapist. Tiki Bob's isn't a politically correct place, he notes, giving several shout-outs to a patron he calls "Crazy Horse"—a blind Native-American guy drinking Budweiser. Later, there will be Jell-O wrestling—with the contestants referred to as "babygirls"—but no dwarfs.
Cowgirls Inc., 421 First Ave S, 340-0777; Tiki Bob's, 166 S King St, 382-8454.