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Listen, lady: Your kid fucking stinks.

I'm sitting here in this nice little coffee shop surrounded by the smell of coffee and pastries, trying to write an existential romantic comedy about a doomed love affair between a zombie and a living girl. And in you walk with your fleshy round offspring, this staggering little alien, busily inflating its diaper with insanely pungent feces, filling the entire cafe with this moist brown stench. Put that smelly creature back in your vagina, reabsorb it into your uterus, and rethink your life, lady. You are pissing me off.