Let us celebrate the freedom to be fat, lazy, and drunk by sitting around a backyard eating barbecue and drinking beer all day. This is truly the American dream. Dylan's Fourth of July party has all the essentials—a keg, a ton of burgers and steaks, some grass and shade, and more freedom than anybody knows what to do with. The afternoon is pleasantly spent mingling, getting a buzz on, shooting hoops, and playing pool. Everyone involved is damn proud to be 'Merican.

Some neighbors on the other side of the alley begin setting off a barrage of fireworks. Our party has very few explosives, so we walk down the street to join in the festivities. At the end of the block, after setting off four bottle rockets, two police cruisers pull up and park in front of us. The officers begin to chastise us about the dangers of illegal fireworks. Between us, we have maybe 20 bottle rockets. The neighbors, on the other hand, have blocked off their entire street; a huge, billowing wall of white smoke drifts around the corner as we are chewed out. Officer Hughes snatches our fireworks, writes down our names and information, and threatens to maybe file a report on us. We only got to light off four bottle rockets.

Dejected, we head back to the barbecue. There are explosions in the distance coming from all directions. You can try to ruin America's birthday, coppers, but you'll never catch us all, because we're drunk, and we want to see things explode in the name of freedom, while eating. JEFF KIRBY

Want to see how free The Stranger can get at your party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com and we might show up just to take our pants off.