Nothing's Cheaper Than Free
Bernard's on Seneca
315 Seneca St, 623-5110
Free microwaved crispy burritos, Mon–Fri 4:30–7 pm.
Bernard's on Seneca has free microwaved crispy burritos, but they're hidden in the dark and the bartender will tell you they don't exist. Then she'll read a supermarket mystery novel in front of you and breathe contemptuously. However, food does exist during happy hour at Bernard's. You can take as many trips as you want to the free microwaved crispy burrito bar, and the bartender probably won't say anything to you because she'll be too busy trying to block out Bernard's dark, collapsing Godfather's Pizza vibe with her book. Go on and eat a few of the burritos with your $2 (!) rum and Coke. The bartender will make pained little sighs, as if your very presence is causing her anguish. Ignore her. Or cover your notebook with your arm and write, "I feel like the biggest burden ever." The free microwaved crispy burritos will be only partially microwaved, so some parts will be stiff as a stale chip while other parts will wilt as you bring the burrito to your mouth. Eat four of them, unhappily.