Music

Headbangers Brawl

Two Metalheads Hesh It Out over the Sword and Metallica

by Jeff Kirby and Shane Mehling

THE SWORD Cleaving the metal world in half.

The Sword Rule—They're the Perfect Opening Act for Metallica

by Jeff Kirby

It's sometimes hard to remember—between the decade-plus string of terrible records, the life-size bronze statue of Lars Ulrich in the RIAA lobby, and the documentary spotlighting them as bratty, playboy crybabies—but Metallica used to be awesome. At some point not too long ago, they decided to start playing metal again, and it was their first good decision in years. Though it has serious flaws, Death Magnetic is the best record the band have put out since the '80s.

Another good decision: The band heard the Sword and decided to bring them on tour around the world.

"Evidently we're Lars Ulrich's favorite band," says Sword frontman J. D. Cronise.

And rightly so. I've said it before: I want the Sword to rule the metal world. And even though it's harder to admit now that it actually costs $80 to see them play in a basketball stadium, I still want this. Which is why opening for Metallica is the perfect gig for the Sword: No matter how much Metallica declined over the years, their crowds never dwindled (apparently they don't need us critics to fill stadiums), and Metallica fans should be Sword fans.

There's no secret behind the Sword's songwriting formula: Take triumphant riffs; combine with a galloping drumbeat; add vocals about epic battles and ogres; and play it fast, loud, and precise. It's pretty well-worn territory (some metalheads actually get butt-hurt because the Sword sound too much like other stuff they like), but the Sword stand out by taking the best aspects of so many great bands and combining them in a way that's streamlined, cohesive, and ultimately original. They're like a living, hair-twirling, heavy-metal highlight reel. And the result of their tradition-steeped sound is that they are getting incredibly, deservedly popular.

But will associating with what remains of Metallica tarnish the Sword?

Cronise is not afraid: "There were absolutely no second thoughts about touring with Metallica. Are you kidding? It's fucking Metallica."

Nor is he worried that increasing fame will poison the young band: "The Sword will continue to produce the work that it is meant to. Whether or not it's influenced by outside forces is ultimately irrelevant. I don't predict the future, but things will happen as they are meant to."

Indeed, the Sword are a band that metalheads across the world would rejoice in if given the chance—their thunderous sound reminds us why we liked the first few Metallica records so much in the first place. Cronise says that so far the band have been received "very well. Metallica fans generally like well-played, well-written heavy-metal songs."

The Sword Suck—They’re the Perfect Opening Act for Metallica

by Shane Mehling

Maybe two years ago, a couple friends met me at a bar after seeing the Sword play some local joint. "More like the Butterknife," quipped my drunk and getting drunker friend. That may not be the most erudite criticism of the Austin band, but I can't disagree with the sentiment.

To criticize the Sword is to wade into the murky bong-water depths of debate about what is "true" and "false" stoner/doom metal. This kind of parsing can seem elitist and pedantic, but it's not without its merits. It's not fair to criticize a band solely for their popularity, but it is necessary to slam an awful band that has ridden to acclaim on the backs of dozens of superior, under-appreciated musicians.

After only two records, the Sword have gained a massive mainstream fan base by shamelessly cribbing High on Fire, Sleep, Kyuss, Orange Goblin, Pentagram, Electric Wizard, Saint Vitus, Acid King—I could go on. For a while. Nothing in their half-assed pastiche resembles an original thought or riff. There has been a near-constant output of stoner/doom metal for the last 40 years, but aside from genre godfathers Black Sabbath, the Sword are singular in their popularity. Why?

The band are a caricature of metal. Remember that movie The Gate where Stephen Dorff listens to satanic band Sacrifyx and then conjures really bad special effects from a hole in his backyard (which he then banishes with a Bible)? Whatever studio head dreamed up Sacrifyx may have been behind the inception of the Sword, a family-friendly foray into a previously unexploited niche. Seriously, when your label- mates are the kind of indie-rock bands that tour with Hot Hot Heat, it's hard to believe metal is your first priority.

Also, the canard that the Sword will introduce kids to other, better stoner bands is ridiculous. You don't have to mail away for a band's demo or loot your brother's CD tower anymore—just Google "stoner metal," and you'll be linked to hundreds of better bands without suffering through whatever bullshit Dungeons & Dragons references the Sword wants to swing in your direction.

If these dudes were opening a poorly attended bar show on a Wednesday, I'd probably think they were fine. But that their wholly unoriginal sound and their boring, unimpressive playing has won the ears of hundreds of thousands is just sad. There is one bright spot, though: Their big break is opening for the pathetic shells of Metallica. These old, greedy has-beens threw metal in the well years ago to make a couple (million) bucks. "The Butterknife" are a worthy heir to their busted throne.

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