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I, Anonymous

Re: "Dear Racist Asshole"

You found my phone, snooped through my text messages, and decided I was a bigot. Congratulations, buddy! You've taken the first step toward eliminating racism! I am not a racist; I am only guilty of having friends who tell stupid jokes. Just like you, I don't have any control over what filth people send to my phone. I also had no say in my phone being STOLEN from my work, my privacy being invaded by a thief (that would be you), or having some ignorant fuck call me a racist. Personally, I would have loved for you to have actually called my mom. Not only would I have gotten my phone back, but she could have explained to you that we shed joyous tears together on November 5. Was it because we were mourning the loss of the white race? Oh no. We are lifelong Democrats, AND WE ARE ALSO BLACK PEOPLE. You've heard of black people, right? They're the ones you're righteously crusading for, you piece of shit. However, you may have never seen one up close all the way up there on your high horse. Also, way to lie about that "loving black cock" text message. A quick survey of my friends proved your story to be false. Not only are you a thief, you're also a self-aggrandizing liar. Stay classy! recommended

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.

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Comments (76) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
This is fake.
Posted by slapoo on December 3, 2008 at 3:54 PM · Report
2
Love it.
Posted by some black chick on December 3, 2008 at 3:56 PM · Report
3
This is fake and I love it.
Posted by jfljoe on December 3, 2008 at 5:22 PM · Report
4
Even if fake, brings up a good point that I hadn't thought of last week. Some of the worst racist jokes I've heard or read were not from my white friends (am not white, by the way). Text without context is only half the story and might be the wrong one at that.
Posted by Eric on December 3, 2008 at 6:54 PM · Report
5
Yeah, it's fake. And I'm not even moderately fond of it.
Posted by montex on December 3, 2008 at 7:01 PM · Report
6
It is hard to understand who is a whity and who is a blacky on the internet. I think people should sign their posts with their race...and sex.

white.
Likes sex.

Posted by atac on December 3, 2008 at 10:48 PM · Report
7
So fake..

brown.
LOVES korean food and sex
Posted by biju on December 4, 2008 at 12:44 AM · Report
8
Pretty fake I think.

Goth.
Loves Thai food, sex, reading, music, and DJing at Club Vogue.
Posted by DJ Eternal Darkness on December 4, 2008 at 1:55 AM · Report
9
All of this is pretty ridiculous, actually, and I'm beginning to personally feel like I"M badly in need of a hobby...otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my time reading all these blog responses...and even more time responding..

Italian (counts as white to some not to Irish..teehee)
Loves Food a lot and sex a lot (did I mention I was Italian?)
Posted by hobbyless on December 4, 2008 at 2:58 AM · Report
10
Who gives a shit if it's fake? makes a point.

White
Had sex 11 minutes ago.
Posted by drain_you on December 4, 2008 at 4:38 AM · Report
11
Fake

Purple
Having autoerotic choke time now.
Posted by Saali on December 4, 2008 at 6:39 AM · Report
12
Drain_you:
you had sex 11 minutes ago and now you are writing a comment? oh, you have one lucky lover... :)
Posted by like to cuddle after on December 4, 2008 at 7:11 AM · Report
13
ooops! I forgot

Italian
rampant sex
Posted by likes to cuddle after on December 4, 2008 at 7:12 AM · Report
14
sounds fake....

white caucasian
likes sex, music
Posted by girl in spain on December 4, 2008 at 8:44 AM · Report
15
All the preceeding comments are fake.



(All the following ones are too.)
Posted by Ram Punchington on December 4, 2008 at 10:31 AM · Report
16
Come on, people, that essay is obviously *real*. It may be a total fabrication, all lies without an ounce of validity, but I see words on my screen so it must be real.

arab
"loves black cock"
Posted by shameless on December 4, 2008 at 11:06 AM · Report
17
maybe fake- but who cares.

white.
loves sex, perversion and good Cabernet
Posted by mmmm.... sex on December 4, 2008 at 11:38 AM · Report
18
When my friends text or email racist 'jokes' I tell 'em to stop sending me that shit.

White
Prefer my cock hard
Posted by jojoranting on December 4, 2008 at 11:59 AM · Report
19 Comment Pulled
20
The bit about the text message not having actually been sent is strange enough that it makes me think this is real. Why include it otherwise?

Also, see comments by "Darkie" on the previous I, Anonymous for an example of blacks telling n---er jokes.

anglo-white
so white that I am a prude about sex
Posted by lilzilla on December 4, 2008 at 3:10 PM · Report
21
Not relevant whether it's fake or not. So what? Dude said what he wanted to say just like all the rest of ya.

Pearly white & blonde
Loves big black cocks
Posted by outloud on December 4, 2008 at 3:55 PM · Report
22
I think the first one is fake because he re-told the racist jokes.

I think the idea was to get the jokes printed in The Stranger, and they were too happy too oblige.
Posted by Kep on December 4, 2008 at 4:11 PM · Report
23
what makes everyone think this is a fake? no one presented any ideas as to why...
Posted by scrappy067 on December 4, 2008 at 4:41 PM · Report
24
except for the last one of course which wasn't on my screen when i posted...but seriously, is it that all these commenters don't think black people capable of reading the stranger? why is the first I,anonymous more likely? i'm with #2. my black friends make plenty of racist jokes against their own race, because, well, they have a sense of humor.

and btw, i'm uber white, and who doesn't like sex, really?
Posted by scrappy067 on December 4, 2008 at 4:45 PM · Report
25
couldn't we have let it go with the orginal post and comments to it?

black
and loves big white cock
Posted by twoforthemoney on December 4, 2008 at 6:07 PM · Report
26
yeah it makes a point......but it's a fake point
Posted by pele on December 4, 2008 at 8:42 PM · Report
27
There's no hate like liberal hate.
Posted by Humanbeer on December 5, 2008 at 12:03 AM · Report
28
I like cheese
Posted by hobbes on December 5, 2008 at 6:28 AM · Report
29
They're both fake!
Am I the only one who questioned the original letter's authenticity?
What better way to slip a couple of racist jokes into The Stranger?
Whoever made up the first one accomplished exactly what they wanted, the spread of a few more Obama jokes. Genius bastard!
Posted by manolo izqierda on December 5, 2008 at 9:33 AM · Report
30
whoops, I just read more comments and there was somebody else who questioned the first letter.
Sorry kep.
Posted by manolo izquierda on December 5, 2008 at 9:40 AM · Report
31
Totally fake. Like it anyway.



White
married transman I don't get sex.
Well, ok, I do, it's just infrequent and like every other married guy I get to bitch about it.
Posted by Transman on December 5, 2008 at 6:16 PM · Report
32
who cares. I am only here to proclaim my race and sex.

Irish.

Love the hairy daddies, for sex.
Posted by I hope. on December 5, 2008 at 9:44 PM · Report
33
Not only are they both phony (pun!), they were both written by the same person.

On the internet nobody knows you're a fake.

Scots-Irish-Native American and...

anal.
Posted by wtf? on December 6, 2008 at 9:39 AM · Report
34
Made me laugh! But it does bring up a good point about taking shit out of its original context... Anways I( loved it.
White,
doesn't like thai food, loves sex and is bi
Posted by jessem9811 on December 6, 2008 at 9:39 AM · Report
35
the only person i know who truly enjoys a big black cock, is Andy Jackson... and he is an awful texter.

-polish
Posted by matt clark on December 6, 2008 at 10:30 AM · Report
36
I think it's real. I'm a Black queer/trans person and I say allllll kinds of crazy trans/homophobic racist stuff all day. Not because I believe it, but because the best way to fight through oppression is not to take yourself too seriously as to get offended by everything. Who cares if any of these letters are real? There's often this great big movement from White folks I know to be anti-racist. Yet, many of these so-called anti-racists have no connection to working class people of color on a personal (ie, not through work or community organizing alone)level and are expressing the same sort of racism through their conections that they claim to be opposed to. Both of these letters, I think make a great point about how in this politically correct, 2008 world, we can't let people actually express how they feel about race. Even if the person who wrote the second letter and owned the phone was White and said those things, that's how they feel. Racism exists. Until we let folks say it, we can't deal with it. Just cause you don't call me a n*gger doesn't mean you aren't treating me like one when you see me and my friends walking your direction and you get tense like something is going to happen.

Not being racist is not just saying "Don't do that". It's saying, "my university or work place is 90% white, yet the community around it is 50% people of color. Why is that, and what can we do about it?"

Deal with racism. Don't ignore it.
Posted by Mason on December 6, 2008 at 11:02 AM · Report
37
Well said, Mason.

(However, I declare Saali the winner of this comments thread for his melding of obscenity and cleverness.)

still white, still prudish, though chuckling
Posted by lilzilla on December 6, 2008 at 5:28 PM · Report
38
Fake or not, the point remains. Hm. It's worth a thought.

olive
kiss me, baby, let's have fun~
Posted by windy-lady on December 6, 2008 at 9:48 PM · Report
39
First one fake.
Send one real.

Whitey.
What is sex?
Posted by bocretion on December 6, 2008 at 10:51 PM · Report
40
It isn't fake. I'm his mother and trust me, I am black. I am bigoted against ignorant people who are actually intelligent but pretend to be stupid. Many of you fall into that category.

Signed,
Proud of my offspring and my family
Posted by Anon Mom on December 7, 2008 at 12:25 PM · Report
41
Mason:
I love your Lenny Bruce-esque view on it
" Both of these letters, I think make a great point about how in this politically correct, 2008 world, we can't let people actually express how they feel about race. Even if the person who wrote the second letter and owned the phone was White and said those things, that's how they feel. Racism exists. Until we let folks say it, we can't deal with it. Just cause you don't call me a n*gger doesn't mean you aren't treating me like one when you see me and my friends walking your direction and you get tense like something is going to happen."
I say overuse racial epithettes. Drop the N-Bomb every chance you get. Call you grandma a kyke-dyke, even if she's happily married and Lutheran. Proud of your Mexican heritage? Buy/make a shirt proclaiming yourself as a "Proud Beaner."
We can't let racists run the argument on race, be it the obvious hate-based racism or the subtle kind delegating ability based on ethic lines ("We have to help the Latino-American Community because they can't help themselves..."). The more we put this crap out in front of us the less venom it has. If Gandhi (sp?) and Dr. King taught us anything, it's that sometimes doing the wrong thing IS the right thing...
Posted by paranoid android on December 7, 2008 at 12:48 PM · Report
42
Oh yeah...

Race: Mick/Limey/Sheep-shagger/Kraut/Dumb American

Sex: Right now? Oh, ok...
Posted by paranoid android on December 7, 2008 at 12:51 PM · Report
43
Paranoid,
I appreciate, that you appreciate my comment. However, I want to be clear that I wasn't saying folks should go around using these words recklessly. That's also, problematic. I use those words to make a point in the presence of, and with people I care about/have an understanding with or when talking about race/homophobia is part of the conversation. All of these words still have a history and calling epithets like that at random folks without intent, purpose or merit is also dangerous.
Posted by Mason on December 7, 2008 at 2:14 PM · Report
44
There's a possibility that it's real, but not from the person who's phone it actually was - just someone who assumes it was theirs for whatever reason (paranoia? delusions of grandeur?). Saying that the supposed mass text about the black cock didn't get sent to all their friends doesn't prove it wasn't sent to someone else's friends.
Posted by Sar on December 7, 2008 at 3:01 PM · Report
45
I care if it's fake, because that's just more Anonymous letters that aren't getting posted so The Stranger can make a point.


White
Haven't had sex since summer 2008. :(
Posted by Jackie on December 8, 2008 at 11:44 AM · Report
46
Mason:
" All of these words still have a history and calling epithets like that at random folks without intent, purpose or merit is also dangerous."

That's PRECISELY my point. I say use them until the poison has gone out of them. What good is a rattlesnake bite with no venom? There's no merit to name-calling whatsoever. And surely the only intent or purpose of racist jargon is to make others feel as bad as the offender secretly does themself. So why let these people have this weapon? History shows the best way to irradicate any weapon is to make it obsolete.
Case in point (though admittedly not as strong a case);
My family is ALWAYS referring to me as a "Liberal wacko", insinuating this as a put-down. The only way I have to combat it is to defiantly say that yes, I am indeed a liberal wacko. But only if by "wacko" you mean someoone more interested in health care, labor and human rights, etc...
If these titles of insult can be incorporated by those who are meant to be subjected by them, can't we then eliminate the negative conotations? I believe we can.
Posted by paranoid android on December 8, 2008 at 12:43 PM · Report
47
Why is it fake?

Oh it must be because Seattle doesn't have black people that can write emails? NO, that can't be the reason... So what is it? The last I, anonymous didn't sound any more believable...

I will accept that more than one person in Seattle was receiving racist text jokes and losing their phone.


Future (We can post on message boards in the past now! Also we eliminated race)
GOD I MISS SEX (Long story)
Posted by Fenrox on December 8, 2008 at 2:24 PM · Report
48
I'm white, I have a black friend who when driving around yells out to unsuspecting black folks on the shoulder "Hey nigger!", he thinks it's pretty funny, I gotta admit I think it's pretty fuckin funny too. Is that racist??
Posted by whiteyfjord on December 8, 2008 at 9:22 PM · Report
49
No, WhiteyFord, that's just fuckin stupid.

Tell your black friend he's lame, and while you're at it, take a look in the mirror----yeah, you're lame too.

You guys = Epic Fail

My ball-sack on your chin,

Kep

PS. Thanks Manola
Posted by Kep on December 9, 2008 at 9:31 AM · Report
50
it's fake and it's boring. yawn...
Posted by ribs on December 9, 2008 at 12:35 PM · Report
51
oh, please. This is so fake it actually illicited a yawn. If author were really a person of color, their "friends" would never send them bigoted crap...even if they were bigots...and said fake author would never have bigot firneds, unless they were white and just pretending to be black to get in print...AHEM.
Posted by urchasingamy on December 9, 2008 at 3:02 PM · Report
52
how do you know it's fake? unless the guy from the original post says it's fake so he doesn't look like an asshole.


Brown - pale face chick Salad tosser
Posted by Sapa on December 9, 2008 at 3:18 PM · Report
53


White--but can't prove it.

I have faked it.

Wouldn't mind faking it again...
Posted by kristafarian on December 9, 2008 at 11:10 PM · Report
54
I prefer to believe it is real. SO IT IS.

Colorblind
loves sex with Counting Crows
Posted by abigail on December 10, 2008 at 12:47 AM · Report
55
OK:

The real guy had photos of himself on the phone and he was white.

The jokes were originating from him, not just his friends.

The phone was on the ground on a city street.

So this is either a fake or some other phone, dude.
Posted by IputtheIinIanonymous on December 10, 2008 at 9:39 AM · Report
56
Also, I should point out that I wasn't trying to be politically correct. Racism pisses me off, so I was doing something about it--something mean, immature, and illegal yes, but also SO satisfying.

Those who don't care for what I did can suck it.

Posted by IputtheIinIanonymous on December 10, 2008 at 9:54 AM · Report
57
The _children_! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!!!
Posted by Anita Bryant on December 10, 2008 at 10:12 AM · Report
58
I think all of these comments are fake.

Well, except the one where the person admits to a Counting Crows fetish, you really can't make that shit up.


Anglo-Irish
Likes sex with potatoes while fighting drunk.
Posted by Larry B. on December 10, 2008 at 10:35 AM · Report
59
Nice of you to tell those racist jokes again, I-Anon. That's what was really classy.

You can't bullshit a bullshitter.

I just shat on your face,

Kep
Posted by Kep on December 10, 2008 at 11:26 AM · Report
60
Fake as SHIT

Love, ALL
Posted by COME ON! on December 10, 2008 at 12:46 PM · Report
61
A lot of my co-workers got the same text messages after the election, and most we're from there black friends. People need to cool out... the dudeman won!
Posted by adam on December 10, 2008 at 4:44 PM · Report
62
hahahahahahaha. I love it. who cares if it's fake
Posted by sash on December 10, 2008 at 9:04 PM · Report
63
oh sorry. biracial. asexual (student.)
Posted by sash on December 10, 2008 at 9:06 PM · Report
64
faketastic

white

likes food more than sex, hence no sex.
Posted by xanadu on December 11, 2008 at 1:48 AM · Report
65
It basically boils down to this....any kind of joke which insinuates violence of any kind to a certain group in society (eg..lynching...) is well...dangerous...not to be politically correct to a fault but let's revisit this.....the point where you find it acceptable to blow off a joke or comment which is ultimately mean-spirited is the point to which you accept your own role in the desensitization of cruelty and violence in society. You can argue that the gesture is symbolic of you trivializing this hate and diminishing its power...but at the same time you can easily propagate the hate and also affirm the discrimination. I think many of us can recollect a time in our growth where we were the butt end of jokes....how did that make us feel? Unworthy, anxious, inferior....Let's realize that jokes, comments, etc..carry the weight and the trials and tribulations of our ancestors. We owe it to them to prove ourselves in these modern times...we are STILL affected by our environment...STILL aware that a mean-spirited, fear-driven comment affects and has an effect on the community of which we live
Posted by uptoolate on December 11, 2008 at 5:14 AM · Report
66
This post isn't fake.

I can see it right up there.
Posted by Anon on December 11, 2008 at 10:56 PM · Report
67
The person who claims to have found the phone says:

1) They found a lost phone on the street
2) Phone contained racist text messages
3) They texted a (rude) counter-response
4) Implied that the phone's owner was white [I think an earlier, Slogged version of this message included a part about pics of his girlfriend and the guy's tattoos]

The person responding to this message thinks they're the person whose phone was stolen because:

1) Their phone was stolen in an office
2) Phone (ostensibly) contained racist text messages
3) No text messages were sent from said phone
4) He is black

It's very likely that more than one missing phone in Seattle that week contained racist text messages.

If it's not patently fake, it's very likely they're talking about different missing phones.
Posted by Damien on December 12, 2008 at 7:01 PM · Report
68
Damien. Yes, you are correct. Well documented.
Posted by IputtheIinIanonymous on December 12, 2008 at 10:27 PM · Report
69
not fake. too ironic and well written.
Posted by robert on December 12, 2008 at 10:37 PM · Report
70
Fake, and not black.

Tan, had sex 3 weeks ago. But great it was great Anal sex :)
Posted by Elvis on December 13, 2008 at 6:10 AM · Report
71
its either fake, or some different guy who happened to have his phone go missing and thought the last letter was about him...when it wasnt. Why lie about the black cock txt? there is absolutely no risk in sending that. I'm thinking this is one of HUNDREDS of people who dropped their phone filled with inappropriate content this month...

And seriously, you pussy, I had MY phone stolen once, and the guy sent PHOTOS of his cock to everyone I know, and I never got my panties in a bunch about it. Get over it.
Posted by vitamins on December 14, 2008 at 12:27 PM · Report
72
Actually the first one was fake and this one is real.
Posted by whocarenotmegoaway on December 15, 2008 at 1:17 AM · Report
73
TOTALLY FAKE, Both of'em, end of discussion.

Just beat off in my boss' bathroom,

-) -) -) O
Posted by Chilli cheese fries in my butthole on December 15, 2008 at 2:18 PM · Report
74
Look for Anon Mom and Damien's comments.

Iranian.
Hasn't had good sex since her first man.
Posted by Anonymous on December 15, 2008 at 3:17 PM · Report
75
I agree with some of the statements made, regardless of what the text said, the situation wasn't handled the best. Sometimes we have to attack racist statements, not people (unless we have direct evidence of racism). In all reality the first person invaded the other's privacy, and then destroyed property.
In regards to this being fake, how can we tell either of these I, Anonymous postings are real? Let's comment on the issues, not the stories.
Posted by Peter on December 15, 2008 at 5:27 PM · Report
76
Don't know if anyone noticed this but, this was posted as a comment in the last "racist asshole" I, Anonymous.
Posted by Molar Hair on December 17, 2008 at 10:04 AM · Report

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