Zzzzzzzzzz. Damnit! I fell asleep AGAIN. This is the third time I’ve tried to watch this screener. What the fuck, I love horror movies. Ooh, is that Kelly McGillis as the crotchety old psychic? Wasn’t she the total babe in Top Gun, and the beautiful Amish woman that Harrison Ford gets a big illegal boner for in Witness? Why did they style her to look like my alcoholic lesbian great-aunt? Zzzzzzzzzz. What’s happening now... Man, this movie is slower than molasses in January. It’s like a long, drawn-out version of that Ghost Hunters show, except “the team” is a little Twiggy-looking girl and a faux-hipster nerd with really awful hair that’s making him look like one of those cheap plastic Kewpie dolls. When am I gonna get scared? Okay, a piano playing itself is kinda scary. Jeez, though, the Yankee Pedlar Inn is no Overlook Hotel, like in The Shining—NOT. EVEN. CLOSE. Oh, Twiggy, didn’t Kelly McGillis just tell you never to go in the basement? You had to do it anyway. Of course that shit is haunted. Zzzzzzzzzz. Oh, hello ugly old man checking into a specific room on the fifth floor! Hey, you’re kinda scary. Zzzzzzzzzz. What, some ghosts in the basement? Zzzzzzzzzz.
Official Site: www.magnetreleasing.com/theinnkeepers
Director: Ti West
Writer: Ti West
Producer: Peter Phok, Larry Fessenden and Derek Curl
Cast: Sara Paxton, Pat Healy, Kelly McGillis and George Riddle