commented on SL Letter of the Day: Bonus Advice for Too Soon To Quit
This sort of sounds like my first marriage, aside from the broken foot part. She should definitely stop having sex with him.
Since my ex husband couldn't afford to take over the lease or support himself in any way, I kicked him out and he went back home to live with his dad. I promptly filed for divorce at that time and it was like ripping off a band-aid. He called me years later and thanked me for having the balls to face our problems head-on when he couldn't. Thank God we never had kids.
TSTQ - if he won't help himself, it's hopeless. Sorry.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Importing a Unicorn
I think you should go! As long as the penetration rules are clear to everyone involved. Remember, they want *you* - so you have some control here. Underwhelming now, but maybe he will surprise you, who knows? You already know you want to play with her, so here's your chance. Rarely is anything ever truly perfect, but I think if you go into it with the right attitude you're sure to have a great time.
And... if it gets weird, so what? You're 23.
Jul 3, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Not Much To Say About This
"I am fortunate to have a loving man. We are honest, we communicate, and he fully validates and respects how I feel."
The last phrase - "he fully validates and respects how I feel" is so important. In my opinion, this is all that matters here. (Not strip clubs, not porn....if it wasn't those issues it would be something else.) It's so rare and special to find a partner that you can expose the most screwed-up parts of yourself to and they understand you enough and love you enough to still respect you anyway. SOA, you are being neurotic. I know it's hard, but try to stop before you ruin something good. You ask how can you let this go? You can train yourself to stop thinking about it. Everytime these thoughts enter your brain you have to almost physically stop them. (if that makes sense) If I find myself ruminating over stupid shit, I play a game of Scrabble on my phone. It works for me. You are hung up on a strip club situation that isn't even there. You know the quote- "we fear what we do not understand." It's a natural human reaction, and you should stop tourturing yourself. Good luck..
Jun 20, 2012
commented on Savage Love
To SPANK, I was you a few years ago. Follow Dan's advice. Please, please don't waste any more of your life on this manipulative asshole. There's alot of guys out there who would be happy to have a woman in their life who's interested in sex. Your boyfriend is in the process of brainwashing you so you're confused about what is normal and what is screwed up. You must already know this, which is why you wrote in. Yes, you are correct, something is wrong here and it's not you.
You say he's GGG, but um...he's actually not, though. He's rubbing your face in the fact that he prefers to rub one out himself rather than have sex with you. Don't be like me and wait 3 years to see if it gets better, trust me, it doesn't.
And, I get where #20 is coming from, but I don't think that's what's going on here at all.
Dec 15, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Anger Management Tissues
It doesn't sound like LW and her girl have been together that long... Maybe just a little bit of insecurity happening here?
I know in my house, when the sex is over, sandwiches are being made, cause I'm hungry. Next, I'm probably running the vacuum cleaner or some shit. The after sex "I love yous" are the same as "do you want a glass of orange juice or what?" Some people just want to get on with their lives, it doesn't make them horrible. LW needs to apologize for flipping out and I'm sure in the future the girlfriend will wait the appropriate amount of time for the texting ban to be lifted post sex.
Nov 29, 2011
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven
We will never know weather she was actually raped or if she's making it up to cover her ass. The LW will probably never really know either because he wasn't there that night. Unfortunately this is something SHE will have to live with - being raped on Black Friday while Blackout Drunk by a piece of shit predator OR living with the shame of a terrible lie she told that hurt a handful of people. Either way, I feel bad for her because something is fucked up here.
Here's my personal opinion about what the LW should do. (and it won't be popular, I'm sure...) I think he should stay with his girlfriend and see how this plays out. He says he does love her, let's put that love to the test now. Buck up and be there for her during this time of trauma. (if there is indeed any trauma) Excessive drinking patterns, passive-aggressive comments about his commitment to her, flirting with strangers....this kind of behavior needs to stop and she needs to be told (by him, right now..) that those kinds of things are not acceptable if they are going to make this work. Communicate, people...it's time to start acting like adults. It sounds like both of them have some growing up to do, and this is exactly why they were thrown into this type of situation. LW, be the man your girlfriend needs you to be and regardless of what happens in the future for you two, you will be a better person for it in the end. Life is all about how you decide to react to the bullshit from others. This is a test, do the right thing.