Nov 27, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 318
@7 - Right on. I think you took exactly the right message out of this. I too am a lifetime member of the furry kink-o-verse, and the strategy you've described has worked well for me. It's TOTALLY possible to reserve a corner of your life for this stuff without letting it take over.
Lots of things are rewarding in moderation and destructive in extremes - food, alcohol, games, gambling, movies, vanilla porn, etc. This is no different! Paradoxically, in fact, I find that devoting less time and energy to elaborate fantasies makes them MORE enjoyable; they feel less compulsive, and therefore more indulgent. In other words, cutting back can improve the very thing you're cutting back on.
Anyway, sounds like you already have this pretty well figured out - just thought I'd back you up. Good luck!
Nov 24, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Masturbating to Dead People
This is why I don't watch recordings of dead singers/orators/actors/musicians/dancers/comedians. After all, I'll never get to see a live performance, so what's the point? Better to live in hope of one day meeting the cast of "Step Up" than subject myself to the crushing despair of Gene Kelly's pirouettes!
Nov 19, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Diaper Pals
Good advice - as true now as it was six years ago!
This may be TMI, but I have many of the same kinks as BA's husband. (Many, not all.) Like him, I've found a wonderful partner who gladly accommodates my menagerie of odd fixations. Also, while I'm not into infantilism myself, I have a number of friends who are. Most of them are decent, responsible people who have built loving, successful relationships.
Coming from that perspective, let me echo what everyone else has said - this man is being an asshole.
Are these are hard fetishes to have? Sure. It sounds like this guy has suffered a lot of shame over his turn-ons, and that shame has done a number on his psyche. To some extent I can empathize. Remember, this is the kind of thing where a lot of people (even some kinky, open-minded people) look at you as subhuman. I've been there, it ain't fun, and it can indeed fuck you up.
Regardless, there's no excuse for the kind of appalling behavior BA describes. She sounds like an absolute saint - she moved mountains to make her husband feel whole, normal, sexy, and loved. When someone steps up to plate for you like that, guess what? YOU STEP UP FOR THEM. If you've got shame issues, fine - you work on them. Whatever it takes - therapy, introspection, willpower - you find a way to come through for your lover, even if it's hard. You do NOT take advantage of their generosity, refuse to meet their needs, and then play the "Waaah, I'm a freak!" card when they call you on it. That's cruel, self-centered bullshit.
I hope this dude either woke up or got dumped. He's not being an adult baby - he's just being a baby. And his wife deserves better.
Oct 5, 2012
commented on Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' "Same Love"
Ordinarily I don't like sentimental songs, particularly if they have a blatant social message they're trying to put across. To me they just feel too much like propaganda and not enough like art. Every now and then, though, one of these songs clicks - the sentiment is sincere enough, the message is important enough, and the style is elegant enough that I can't help but be affected. Suddenly, all I can think is: "Damn, right on."
Damn, right on.
Sep 18, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 308
I have to confess I'm a bit floored by the comments thus far. Granted, Cindy's delivery rubbed me the wrong way a bit, particularly at first. Nonetheless, I found enough of what she had to say SO INCREDIBLY REFRESHING that I quickly became acclimated to the way she said it. (I actually listened to the show twice through!) So although it seems I'm in the minority here, for me the vessel was thoroughly outweighed by its contents. Would love it if Cindy came back for a follow-up. (Honestly!)
Jun 17, 2012
commented on SL Letters of the Day: Bonus Questions from Last Night's "Savage Love Live" Taping
"It's better to figure out your sexuality before you marry someone and have a child with him. Glad your husband is open to openness and open to counseling. Good luck."
I realize these answers are a bit tongue-in-cheek, but doesn't this fly in the face of the whole "female sexuality is fluid" notion? I mean... isn't it possible that this woman is just now questioning her sexuality because her sexuality has just now shifted a bit? And if her husband has an interest in fooling around with other people now and then (which is likely, what with him being male), then doesn't this present both of them with a convenient opportunity to become amicably monogamish?
Or am I off-base?
Feb 28, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 280
To the recently deflowered bisexual gentleman:
First of all, allow me to say that your lexical acuity is an unmitigated aural delight!
Now, on to business.
With regard to Mr. Savage's shrewd advice, please accept my humble endorsement thereof. My own incipient carnal encounters followed a similar to trajectory to that which you so keenly summarized. Specifically, my member - a stalwart companion for many years - suddenly found itself lacking conviction. Initially bewildered, I soon discovered that simply repeating the act a few times (coupled with a conscious effort to relax) did much to calm my nerves. In short order the entire vexing predicament was resolved, and subsequent libidinous pursuits were conducted with appropriate zest.
May it be so for you as well, good sir!
Feb 10, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 277
I identified that way for a long time - attracted to boys physically, attracted to girls emotionally. (I remember referring to myself as "straight from the waist up" a few times.) Likewise, I did not consider myself homophobic - my entire extended family is outspokenly gay-friendly, and they raised me to be accepting too.
Soooooo... now I'm openly gay, in a long-term relationship with a man, and enjoying the happiest years of my life so far :)
I agree with Mr. E that an emotional connection can sometimes inspire a physical connection. I've overcome hang-ups, I've fallen for people outside my usual type, I've broadened my preferences. However, in 28 years my sexual orientation has never changed. In other words, I overcame my emotional distance from men; I never overcame my lack of physical desire for women.
Certainly I've had many "rewarding/transformative emotional" relationships with women - I still do to this day! These are wonderful, close, intimate friendships that I wouldn't trade for anything. But none of them has ever culminated in lust, infatuation, or love. Even back when I was desperately hoping one would, it simply never happened. In contrast, my relationships with men have been rich with all three (on TOP of the deep platonic companionship).
Of course, I'm not you. It may be that the details of your situation are different. Nonetheless, I would encourage you to reconsider the possibility that you might just be gay. That's what I did, and my life has only been better for it!
Best of luck regardless :)
Oct 5, 2011
commented on Savage Love Episode 259
I generally agree with Dan's advice to the guy with gynecomastia. If your breasts are making you miserable (and it sounds like they are), surgery may be a good option. A few small counterpoints, though:
1) My boyfriend has gynecomastia, and I totally dig it. Although I'm a guy, so that may be small comfort to you personally.
2) There ARE women who like men with boobs - I've met some! How many there in total I don't know, but they do exist.
3) The surgery will kill all sensitivity in your nipples. If nipple stimulation is something you enjoy, you'll need to choose whether the trade-off is worth it to you. (Someone feel free to correct me if this is inaccurate...)
Best of luck, whatever your decide!
Sep 28, 2011
joined My Stranger Face