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Jan 12, 2014 jabarkas commented on Savage Love.
@171 I wasn't asking why I haven't had a relationship yet -- I already know the answer to that. But I still appreciate the speculation!
Jan 11, 2014 jabarkas commented on Savage Love.
Hi, I'm HOPE. I'm so used to avoiding comments sections that it was several days before it occurred to me that there might be some good comments here. And there were! Many, in fact. Thanks to you all.

Just to clarify my story for those who seemed curious, a big part of the reason I didn't date until 25 was anxiety. I had to get pretty drunk to talk to girls, and when I sobered up the next day I'd be too embarrassed to call them.

What helped me to finally start dating/screwing at 25 was a discovery that since I'm sort of well-endowed I could meet girls online by showing them my penis. Or maybe that just gave me the confidence to talk to them. Or maybe it was because I had a job as a lawyer and was in really good shape and that gave me the confidence. And many of those girls did want to pursue a relationship but I turned them down. I regret those in retrospect, especially a couple who probably would have made excellent girlfriends or even more.

When I was in my early thirties and wanted to start looking for a relationship, the anxiety had by that time cost me my job. And obviously the dick pics were out. But I still managed to meet many great women through online dating. And I always thought the dates went well. It's just that none of them were ever interested in a second.

In retrospect, it's pretty clear that my depression had already begun to take hold at that point. It ended up getting much worse, and I ended up hitting rock bottom with a suicide attempt a couple of years ago. But I am recovered from that now, the anxiety is under control with medication, and I am getting back into shape after letting myself go for years. But I started worrying that it might be too late to start looking for relationships. It's the same worry I have as I begin to contemplate re-entering the job market -- I know that employers see a lack of job history at my age as a big red flag.

Some people mentioned that I have had other relationships, and that's true! I currently live with my sister, with whom I get along great, and have a great relationship with my parents. I only have one friend, but we are extremely close. Unfortunately she doesn't live nearby but we talk every day. That one actually almost feels like a romantic relationship. But she loves me, just not in that way. Still, my concern was that I've never been part of a couple, and I haven't done couple things and it's that lack of experience that concerned me.

Someone else mentioned that I don't have any of the bad habits people can form. I like that! I would also add that having read/listened to hundreds of Savage Love(casts) I do have a lot of relationship book smarts.

And I will definitely check out Back Story and Don Jon. Thanks again!
Sep 30, 2011 jabarkas commented on A Fellow Blogger!.
I am clearly missing something here. Checked out the blog and it's just typical batshit crazy conservatism. Is there something in the picture that I'm not seeing? Am I going to feel really stupid for asking this?
Sep 30, 2011 jabarkas joined My Stranger Face