Beijing, China
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Nov 26, 2012 SlimJimPoisson joined My Stranger Face
Nov 26, 2012 SlimJimPoisson joined My Stranger Face
Aug 9, 2012 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
Well, it appears that my advice sucked and for that I am truly sorry.

Just for the record I am not defending the asshole, because there is no defense for his actions. He had the control and he abused it and her. There is no excuse for that. There should be a circle of hell designated for his kind.

It appears that he was a latent asshole from the beginning pressing her when she had been clear about her limits.

It appears that my position on that didn't come through either, so possibly I suck just as badly as a writer as I do for my advice.

Finally, Catface, I am sorry that I pissed you off. Hopefully, you will believe that it was not my intention. If there is some way that I can make it up to you then I would be willing to try.
Apr 5, 2012 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
Well, it appears that one way to get plenty of comments is to write about sex, kittens, and legalizing drugs. Compared to that, trying to increase the size of your dick is just plain boring.

With drugs it is clear that your mileage may vary. What you take, how it affects you, how much you enjoy it, how much you can control it, and what damage it does or benefits it provides are different for each chemical and each person.

I am the Tom Bombadil or drug users. I can take them or leave them. They can be fun or interesting, but when I am ready to do others things I can walk away from the cookie jar, a round of drinks on a bar, a jar of pills in a bottle, or a pile of coke on a mirror. Pot specifically actually makes me more active, creative, insightful, compassionate and hungry.

My advice to AEP would be to investigate the core of his desire. I see a more BDSM interest buried (only slightly) in there, but almost to the point where I want to call it vanilla BDSM (what a wonderful oxymoron). The theme appears to more about control, submission and (consensual) pain than about dick size. There are plenty of other ways to achieve that same result using toys or some other form of pleasure.

But as always, be safe and have fun!
Feb 29, 2012 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
@Catface: Normally, getting flamed like this would evoke some emotion from me, but at most I am a little bemused.

If your comment had been edited down to its core point, that you disagreed with me and that a safe word wouldn't help then I would have considered that a valid counter point and probably not worth a reply.

The need to turn this into a personal attack on me actually lessons the impact of your points to future readers, even if they also disagreed with me.

I took great pains to explain my understanding of the situation and couch my advice. Clearly, someone violated her trust. That is not acceptable under any circumstance, but especially under these. Be very careful who you play with.
Jan 25, 2012 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
Did I miss a new entry in the lexicon? No one else mentioned Dan's use of the word "holesome". I think that this new spelling and usage could be interesting, but I feel that it would still be misplaced in this context.

I figure he really meant "wholesome", but in Calista's case "whoresome" may be a better adjective.

As for the larger story, I don't think that the Republican party needs our help. They are doing a good job self-destructing on their own. In what should have been a pretty-much-slam-dunk to dethrone a sitting president (against my wishes) they clearly appear to most not as a party, but instead as a circus made up only of clowns.

Maybe we shouldn't gloat so much, the American voters may still show how incredibly stupid they are by electing one of these morons.
Nov 15, 2011 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
@3, 5, and 6: Dan was asking dykes why THEY like gay male porn. You are all straight women. We have no problem understanding your interest.
Nov 14, 2011 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
I have been working hard on this monogamy thing for my personal use (I couldn't care less what you do in your bedroom). In my head I can tell it's one of those things I should be willing to accept, but in my heart I just can't face it. I have spent most of my life in LTRs and have never come close to cheating, but infidelity on her part killed two of those relationships. I will admit that in one of them I was partially happy to receive a "get out of jail free" card. In the other I was devastated.

I will be honest about why I can't handle it. If any partner I have had decided to open our relationship she could have three encounters before lunch and a six-way before afternoon tea. I, on the other hand, would spend the next six weeks looking for a halfway decent opportunity. Part of that is that I have always been with pretty hot women who attract guys like bugs to a light, another is that in general men are far easier to seduce, however a large part is my own inability to initiate casual sex. Don't get me wrong, I crave the ability to bag any chick I meet, I just don't have it. Part of that is that women are attracted to me in a long-term way. Women who are not normally jealous or possessive seem to get that way with me. I have been with several man-eaters who stopped being bad when I came into their lives. I was forced to push them away when they wanted to get more serious (and in several cases I was the first guy who ever dumped them). I don't like breaking hearts and I don't want to ever do it again.

Since I moved to China it appears that my odds would be far greater, but I haven't tested that theory. I get gobs of attention from women here, but don't know if I could parlay that into meaningless sex in a country that values marriage so highly. The girls here are really sweet and I just don't have the heart to break theirs.

In the end, I think if I believe that I could grab some strange as easily as she could I would have no problem with it, but since it would most likely lead to a frustrating equation for me I have to protect my turf.

In the unlikely scenario that I was presented with the "open up or split up" ultimatum I would probably choose the split, but predicting behavior in a hypothetical situation is impossible.

I will keep working on it.
Nov 14, 2011 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
After reading all of Dan's archived columns in chronological order I decided to post some comments along the way. For some reason more recently I have found myself posting on almost every one. I like crafting these replies that will live in obscurity with maybe ten people reading them in the future. Regardless, I hope I am not boring you.

I am writing this time in reference to SOBHA. In my 19-year-marriage I had to protect my marriage from the affections of a lesbian. I say this with tongue in cheek because I never felt threatened by her. Partly because I knew my wife was seriously straight, partly because Katy was not my wife's type (just not pretty/girly enough). It also helped that Katy was upfront about her attraction with me. I was cool with it and we got along as well as a lesbian and a straight guy can.

As a side note, Katy was one of three lesbians in my life who have told me that they have never slept with a guy, but that if they did then they would want to sleep with me. Is that some line that lesbians say to all guys? I truly never hit on her or any of the others. I was always friendly and honest like I try to be with all people in my life. Lesbians are not on my fetish list and none of the offers came from women I found attractive, but it was a nice compliment, even if it's complete bullshit.

Anyway, while I was fine with it Katy's girlfriend on the other hand, was not and was not quiet about that either.

I would like to say to anyone in this situation to trust your instincts. If it smells like fish, it's probably not bologna.
Nov 14, 2011 SlimJimPoisson commented on Savage Love.
It seems my life has been spent at a campsite. One of my first affairs was with a friend's mother. I was 17 she was 38. That ended for good reasons, but we stayed friends until she died (and her son hopefully still doesn't know). When I was 18 she was a 36-year-old coworker. I ended that one when she appeared to want more than a secret fling. The next year when I was 19 I moved in with my 31-year-old girlfriend. Actually, since she was a lapsed Catholic I may have had more sexual experience than she did, and I was way more adventurous and desirous than she, but the relationship was of equals (as much as it could be). It ended after seven years, badly, but not due to the age difference. After that I found and married a woman exactly my age (two months older). That lasted 19 years. After that it was a woman five years younger than me (notice the trend?) and we lasted five years. I am now 50 and married to a Chinese woman who is 29. Given her age I can't call this a campsite. She had enough experience before me that she is a full-fledged adult. While there is total sharing as partners, I often play the role of elder and teacher, but she has a history of pursuing older men, so she likes and expects and even requires that.

Along the way I had a what I consider to be a more standard campsite story that involved my 17-year-old babysitter. This story is long and some parts may sound somewhat apocryphal and straight out of Penthouse forum, but I can promise you it's true. After long consideration and a several year opportunity window I did not pursue things with her. Partly based on my marriage, partly based on what I felt was her mental instability, and partly based on the small voice in my head saying, "Ick!" Ten years later the only regret I have is that I would have been a great camp counselor. Soon after I moved out of her life she encountered some serious issues that were sexually related (another long story that can actually be Googled). I doubt that I could have saved her, but at the least I truly think she could have benefited from my tutelage.

I don't know how I would evaluate the campsite rule in my life. Looking back I have no issue with how the older women treated me and I hope that I always treated my loved ones with care and respect.