@17, You've said quite a lot, and I'm going to do my best to respond to some (if not all) of your points.
I want to be clear that I take issue with the legacy of patriarchy as well as feminism. I understand that I do not conform to the traditional male gender role. I prefer to be the homemaker, not the breadwinner. I like art, music, literature, and cooking, not sports, beer, and whatever else it is the male stereotype is supposed to like. Patriarchy condemns what I am and what I wish to be.
To the extent that feminism and feminists advocate for gender equality, I stand with them. What I take issue with is those feminists who have advocated against gender equality, specifically NOW and Ellen Pence (and her adherents). If by "successful advocacy" you mean successfully transforming disproven hypotheses into domestic violence public polices that are used by some women (like my ex) as tools for abuse, then yes, I will continue to blame that sort of advocacy for injustice I have experienced. My ex told me that her attorney (from a feminist organization) advised her to get and keep a restraining order against me so that it would be impossible for us to share legal custody. Thus I blame both that specific feminist as well as the feminist movement which has positioned women as helpless victims and men as dangerous aggressors.
I also feel (although I'm not sure you've done this) that many people assume that it is only men who reinforce patriarchal structures. This is simply not true. Women are guilty of this as well. I am talking about women who (rightly) insist on equal treatment in the workplace but then (I feel wrongly) characterize "chivalry" as politeness, and expect men to give them special social treatment (opening doors, paying for dinner, and the like). I am talking about women like my ex mother in-law who chastised me for occupying a woman's role when I chose to be a homemaker.
I am absolutely not advocating against the rights of women. An unequal society hurts everybody. I think a woman who really understood this was Karen DeCrow. The Atlantic has a nice piece on her