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Mar 17, 2015 karen1573 commented on My Night with Jeffrey Dahmer.
Really excellent work, thanks.

Have to confess I mixed up Jeffery Dahmer with Dennis Nilsen in my mind so spent the first three stanzas confused about why you were referring to Milwaukee instead of Muswell Hill.
Oct 22, 2014 karen1573 commented on Savage Love.
SOUND: As a middle-aged person, I can tell you I don't care if you have noisy sex during the morning, afternoon or evening, but if you wake me up after 11pm - repeatedly - with the noise, I will curse you.
Oct 2, 2014 karen1573 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Least Favorite Question.
I've never heard of any woman (who I know or know their partner) saying they've stolen a condom. Skipping pills though, is very commonly talked about. Especially because you can claim that "I was sick that day and I forgot to take another one" or "the doctor put me on antibiotics and I guess they interfered". Certainly birth control CAN fail. However I _personally_ have never known one single woman who said they followed ALL the instructions and still got pregnant.

My mum told me she did that to get pregnant with my younger sister, because my dad didn't want any more after me. My mum can be a bit of a liar but remembering my dad yelling at my sister one evening "You were a mistake anyway" I feel on this occasion she was probably telling the truth.

My best mate in secondary school got pregnant at 16 despite swearing to her boyfriend that she was taking the pill religiously and "it must have just not worked". When I asked her about it she said "Yeah I kind of forgot to take it for a few days but I thought oh well". WTF. (Our friendship did not last long after that.)

You're a guy, right? You need to consider that women discuss this stuff with women. They're not going to talk about it to men. That may also explain why I've never heard about a man tricking a woman into getting pregnant... They're not gonna tell me about it.

Or maybe it's just a British thing!

It should certainly be some sort of crime to trick anyone into having a child. I have no idea how that law would look, however, or how on earth it could ever be enforced. Could it come under extortion law? I seriously have no clue.
Oct 2, 2014 karen1573 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Least Favorite Question.
"So, you didn't condemn it, and you might have applauded. I hate people who chuckle in person then trash talk later. Or maybe you're just making this up."

She didn't say she saw/heard them in person, and even in person this kind of woman is likely to be the kind of chav you wouldn't want to mess with if you overhear her boasting to Chardonnay on the bus about how she sperm-jacked Dazza and now "I'm gonna av is babby, innit luvleeee."

Sperm-jacking is talked about a lot over here in the UK and there are some pretty blatant women who will happily admit to it. A former colleague of mine was talking about how his girlfriend's sister had just had a baby and now she was getting all broody, but he was 100% that they weren't having kids yet, blah blah. As he walked off, his best mate said to me, "Bet you a tenner she's pregnant by Xmas." Yep, 2 months later she pulled a "Oh the pill must have failed, what a happy accident!"

A previous partner of mine was assured by his ex that she was still on the pill and they were just "friends with benefits" - 4 months later she got a little bump showing.

I have no idea why any woman would do this. I have in the past gone through times when I was incredibly desperate to stop a guy leaving me, but it never once occurred to me to throw my birth control out of the window.
Aug 14, 2014 karen1573 commented on Feeling Nothing About the Death of Robin Williams?.
@52, yeah "smarmy" is the perfect word, with which I couldn't come up. I found all of his performances annoying and borderline embarrassing and I'm really bored of seeing his name and gurning face all over my fucking newsfeed.

Sorry to his family and all that. But since they don't know me, I highly doubt my complete indifference to his passing will impinge on their consciousness, like, ever.

If that makes me an unfeeling twat, well... whatever.
Aug 16, 2013 karen1573 commented on SLLOTD: Hug Your Children.
@ 8, 9 and 11, are you all middle class or something? My English working class family had absolutely no problems saying "I love you" every day, and my husband's family were the same way. Sure, as teenagers we would roll our eyes and go "ugh", but I'm now 40 and still end every phone conversation with my Mum by saying "love you" - and for that matter, with my 18yr old son, too.
Apr 23, 2013 karen1573 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Mate Or Mat?.
Dear TED,

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that your wife is a victim of sexual violence, probably as a child.

If it was just general distate for anything sexual, then I would assume she had been raised very sex negatively, or was overly religious, or perhaps had been put off sex by the horrible pain and messiness of childbirth.

However, the sexual banter and possible activity with other men points to someone with more deep-seated and conflicted sexual issues - she feels that she MUST be perceived as a sexual being in order to be valued, yet at the same time she feels that anyone who genuinely loves her should not want to have sex with her, because sex is wrong and awful and traumatic.

The reason I feel quite confident making this massive assumption is that your wife sounds like me, 15 years ago, before I got therapy for the sexual abuse I survived as a child.

I couldn't bear having sex with my long term partner unless I was blitzed out of my mind and if he talked to me sexually I shied away. However, I was happy to flirt in a totally over the top way with strange men and frequently went home with them and fucked them silly.

It's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced abuse how much it totally fucks up your expression of your sexuality, especially within what should be loving relationships. It's a long term process to work through therapy - and it is WORK, hard work that will take a good deal of time and effort.

I suggest you lay your cards on the table with wifey now - let her know that she's making you so unhappy that unless things change, you're going to have to leave. Unless she can get the help she needs to realign her sexual expression to a more healthy point, your marriage is doomed.

It might be doomed anyway - because the reasons she chose you for a mate may be completely tied up with her mental health state and once she's in recovery, she may realise she needs to be on her own or with someone different. But she owes it to you and the kids to find out.

Good luck.
Feb 6, 2013 karen1573 commented on Savage Love.
Whoops, sorry for cut off comment.

Absolutely agree with 25 and 27. I ALWAYS have pain during sex without lube with any partner who has an average or above average size cock.

You may have more luck if you start to use your fingers on her pussy for a few minutes before you go in with your cock. Start with 1, then 2 - the idea is to loosen it up slightly.

You may also find certain positions are better for her comfort level. I personally find it almost painless if I'm on top, but doggy style becomes painful after less than 5 minutes (which sucks because it used to be my favourite position.)

My fella and I now tend to fool around with mouths and fingers for a good 20 minutes before attempting vaginal sex, so that he's fairly close to blowing his load anyway. That way penetration doesn't last more than about 5 minutes for me with much less pain as a result. In fact we probably only have vaginal about 1 in 3 times we have sex - the rest we just finish off by oral or manual. (That's still "having sex", you know. Penis in vagina is not the ultimate goal here - the ultimate goal is that we both have a great time.)

BABB, do you have this problem with oral? I'm wondering if you used to use the Death Grip when masturbating (holding your dick too tight) and that makes it harder for you to come during other forms of sex.

Another fella I met with this problem of not coming even after a long period of vaginal, he was a heavy drinker, and it was particularly bad when he was drunk. Often we just used to give up. I think the alcohol probably dulls the sensation or something. So if you're drinking before sex - stop.

And Thanks to 24 for the tip about Agape lube, I'm gonna see if I can get some.
Feb 6, 2013 karen1573 commented on Savage Love.
Nov 16, 2011 karen1573 joined My Stranger Face