Jun 23 marmer commented on Savage Love.
Wouldn't it be best practice to choose a name at work that is not something like "Spike" or "Butch" or "Rock" or "Baby?" Even if it's not sexual in any way, there are a lot of nicknames that seem rather unprofessional and it seems like a small compromise just to use your name, or your middle name, or some traditionally informal thing like "Billy" or "Kathy."
Oct 22, 2015 marmer commented on Savage Love.
I think the most telling thing in SMART's letter is that she's not flirting back. A sixtyish, smart, self-aware woman will probably be capable of flirting very effectively should she choose to. It's likely that she's in a committed relationship and SMART, only knowing her professionally, doesn't know that, or she's just not interested in him. Still, a respectful pass is a compliment, as Dan says, and she should be able to say "Thanks, that's sweet and I am flattered, but I'm not interested," without it crushing him emotionally. For what it's worth I still fondly remember the times that someone kindly but honestly made it clear to me that she wasn't interested. Seemed like the polite thing to do.
May 28, 2015 marmer commented on Savage Love.
A lot of people seem to be assuming Matchbox or Hot Wheels-size toy cars. There are much smaller ones given as party favors, for example, which are plausible insertion size. I'm with the prohibitionists on this one. By the time he discovers porn he'll have perhaps developed enough maturity of judgement to know what he can and can't use should he still have that curiosity.
Dec 12, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
Uncreative, I apologize if I missed it. Is being agender equivalent to asexual? I understand that they aren't identical concepts, but do you feel sexual attraction?
Oct 30, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
And another thing. I've had a dental checkup a couple times a year pretty much my whole life, and they always give me a toothbrush. It's extremely easy to get hold of an old, no-longer-used-for-brushing-teeth toothbrush. Thanks to the bristles, I'd be a lot less worried about the "getting it stuck" issue than I would about the "carving a groove in his sexual response" issue, if the kid wants to double down on using a toothbrush in that way. Although that issue is in my opinion, over-ridden by the "don't talk to your kids about masturbation" taboo.
Oct 30, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
Why is everyone saying that ASFH's boyfriend has only one belt? Adult men need at least two: a black one for dark colored pants and a brown one for khakis and brown-shade pants. Not to mention the distinction between casual and dress belts.



And I agree with Tim. I can't think of any reason why a parent should buy or even help buy any kind of sexual item for their child without it being profoundly awkward at best. And I think the risk of an emergency room visit is rather overstated. The need for discretion and cleanliness, however, is not. That should be POPS' approach.
Sep 4, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
From what I've seen of comparatively normal women down here in Texas, the comfort toward the concept of porn that is seen in Savage Love Land is generally not shared in the larger world. I've never met a woman who I knew well enough to talk about it with who was OK with any part of porn. It really has more to do with the existence of coercion in the porn industry and discomfort with their partners being aroused by seeing other, potentially more attractive, women than it does with religion or feminism. Also, remember that until the age of the internet, a lot of porn, even made by adults of legal age, was illegal. That cultural stigma, like the one around pot, dies hard for a lot of people.
Jul 17, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
I once asked a friend why he loved his dog. His response was short and to the point. "She's always thrilled to see me and she never criticizes me." I would think that a dog owner who _isn't_ gaga over their dog might be kind of a red flag.
Jul 11, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
NSFW, your English is excellent. Some good advice here from other commentors with more technical experience than mine.

SCARED, do not put criticism of your next partner into any written form. Vent to your buddies if you must, or talk to her if there are actual issues. But text exists only to be read and that kind of stuff will do much more harm than the "good" it appears to be doing you in writing it down.
Jun 26, 2014 marmer commented on Savage Love.
I wonder if OBA's cousin is interested in a cousins-with-benefits relationship with OBA or if she's just using him as one of the two unicorns her fantasy requires. If I was OBA I might feel a little strange about my first sexual experience with my 50-years-of-flirting cousin taking place with in the company of presumably total stranger. First time _plus_ first threesome seems a little potentially fraught with drama. And is OBA's cousin expecting him to provide the female unicorn? It sounds like if "she's having the time of her life" that she is pretty active sexually already.