The monogamish
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Jul 31, 2015 The monogamish commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Fully Weaponized Kink.
You poor woman. I'm so sorry that man happened to you and that you've internalized all the fears and bad words. You are worth being loved - he just couldn't measure up and the one who has issues is not you: it's him.

I'm glad you're in theraphy and that you wrote Dan, because not only is he spot on in his answer but I hope you read these comments from kinksters and kink-friendlies and realize how abused you've been.

It's not the standard physical abuse you hear about in the media, in some ways it's much worse. Psychological abuse hits harder than violence because where a bruise might fade, the effects from psychological abuse lingers. This man can only claim you as a cheater, because no one can see the internal bruises he left you and his new wife will likely go through the very same scenario thinking as you that she might be to blame.

Start that blog. Put words on how you feel and help yourself and others in the progress. It'll start healing a lot of your wounds to hear from fellow survivors that this or something like it happened to them as well. I would also write a few letters to Mason about what happened. Not to send them immidiately, but to hash it out in private. You might want to send them later on.

I've only been in a fraction of this kind of relationship and I'm almost fully healed, but your story touched me, reminded me and I'm sending you my positive thoughts.
May 26, 2015 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
I'm a woman who enjoys sex with the men in her life and every orgasm I ever had, started with me first closing my eyes and focusing on the build-up. In fact it's something I do automatically now. For me it's like kissing - if my eyes stay open I can't get into that groove. It's not something I do to shut him out - I just need it to be able to come. None of my men have had an issue with that ever - or at least they haven't told me.
Jan 7, 2014 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
Thank you, Avast2006, for saying what I was thinking. I have transgender friends (am I allowed to write that?) and they have always gone more for dialogue and less for tantrums.
Jan 22, 2013 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
Our wedding was this huge casual summer event with a free bar, big buffet and giant cake. Everyone remember the day and though we didn't get to fuck on our wedding day, we have been happily married for 1½ years now.

To the happy couple I'd say to do what makes you happy. Though I agree with Dan on the destination wedding - if that's what makes you happy - you'd better pay for it yourself.
Dec 27, 2012 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
My open relationship has a "contract" and a visibility clause: the person we fuck has to know that we are allowed to fuck then. I have however also heard the "I don't want to know who you fuck on the side - just be safe".

I prefer to fuck people openly and not in the shades but my husband has my blessing to pretend I don't know for fun's sake (even though he tells me all I want to know).

Saying this, I also find TOP's boyfriend a bit too shady for my liking.
Nov 27, 2012 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
Interesting column today, Dan, since it revolves around things I can so clearly relate to. I'm in a poly marriage with Mr Perfect and he came with a full drawer of gear. I also think if I hadn't met him I'd very much liked to go solo for a few years - where I'm from it's really not that big a deal - there's Europe for you I guess ;)

About poly being a choice - yeah I'm also divided. I thrive in my marriage - I love being able to be all of me and not restraining my urges because of some traditional patterns made extinct long ago - but before my husband I would never have thought of poly as something I could choose (so much for being brought up a "good girl"). I've always treasured my freedom and this meets the best of both worlds... I can have my perfect mate and whichever other person that strikes my fancy ;) I don't know if poly is in my bones but I do love being poly.

As for the gears I'm with #8 - the penetrating things I would discard (and have discarded from my husbands stash) and replace with new toys but the bondage gear I was quite thrilled to find in his possesion. He knew his gear and what to do with it and I was eager to learn - I guess I'm not that squeamish about the history of his restraints.
Nov 20, 2012 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
It's easier in some ways being a poly woman and some ways not. I am married to my poly husband and it's frakking hard to find polys near us - there's not an open or visible community where we live - so although we're poly, right now we don't act like it because we can't find potential partners that actually are poly and not afraid to admit it.
Jun 27, 2012 The monogamish commented on Savage Love.
@13: Fat people are allowed to have a sex life too you know. The guys mentions that he is taking care of his issues, that might also involve working out.

I hate it when sex life seems reserved for a perticular size, age, gender, etc.
Mar 22, 2012 The monogamish commented on John Carter: Pixar Brilliance in Human Form.
Saw it in 2d - and I thought it was amazing.

Mind blown. So was my husbands. The acting is fine, the story is great, the visuals are fantastic and I love the cgi.

But then again - we are roleplaying nerds who love pixar, fantasy and sci fi movies - how could we NOT love JC?
Jan 3, 2012 The monogamish updated his or her location.