Jan 5, 2012
commented on Savage Love
I should have added my story a while ago, but for some reason waited to add to the pile. I got married at 19 and have been for 12 years now. We are one of those couples that get comments to this day such as 'oh, look at the newlyweds' or 'I'm jealous of how close you are'. In short, our relationship is beautiful because we work at being communicative and true to ourselves.
We recently opened our marriage in the last year. Prior to officially 'opening', we talked for months at length about our expectations, needs, wants, fears, and confusion. We worked individually and as a couple in counseling, got really, really tired of talking about feelings (really tired!), but finally came to the conclusion together that this is what we both wanted and needed.
We were sitting at the kitchen table and the decision was made with absolute honesty - it felt completely right and made sense.
I wouldn't say it's all been fun - we've both dealt with rejection, jealousy, and fear but we continue to go back to the table where we made the decision and say 'I can't imagine it any other way'. My libido reappeared again after having been gone for many, many years, and he's more open about all of his feelings. Some would say this seems backward and for a loving, committed couple to do this.
My only reply to that is every relationship is unique, and as long as there is mutual respect, love and kindness, whatever exists between the individuals in that relationship is solely theirs. I truly hope for the day that I can without fear introduce my husband, my girlfriend and my boyfriend to other friends, and my best friend, lover and husband (all the same person) can do the same.
In response to #150 regarding the 'exclusive affection', I look at it like this - the love my husband has for me is unique to any love he'll ever have for anyone, he may love others but he won't love anyone HOW he loves me. Because every person is different, how can a person love two people in the exact same way?
He loves me for things that he maybe won't find in others, and he will find things to love in others that I maybe don't possess. But that affection will differ. So, yes, I DO deserve and have the exclusive affection/love that he has for me - it can't be replicated by anyone else. I cherish his love for me, it's the greatest gift I've gotten in life for being me.